A Quote by Steven Wright
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"
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I'm very self-conscious having my picture taken, so I clown around. My driver's license photo looks like a blonde Elvis.
I hope we get pulled over, he says. I'd like to see how the cop responds to a black man wearing a Confederate T-shirt over a black dress.
I was going to go to a midnight screening of 'Pee-wee's Big Adventure' in college, and it's the sort of thing where people dress up. So I got dressed up, and then I got lost. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over while I was wearing a Pee-wee suit. That's a hard ticket to get out of.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, Got stuck, huh? The truck driver says, No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.
The happiness of this world is something we cannot keep; it is just like the horizon - the nearer you go, the farther it goes. As soon as you get it, you see it is not the thing you wanted.
I don't really enjoy being the center of attention, I find it hard. I think it's the celebrity culture you guys have over here, which we don't have so much, and if we have it I blend it out. I've been very successful by just blending it out, by not going to premieres and things. So if I'm invited to a premiere, I would go behind the photo screen, because why would I get my photo taken? I just don't see the point of myself being photographed. I'm not like this because I think I'm too cool. I'm not judging it, it's just not my thing.
I still can't get over the idea that respectable adults now go to see superhero movies and that such films get reviewed in the 'New Yorker.' Clearly, I am seriously out of step with the times.
I can't get into all that physical stuff of having to have flawless skin... Sometimes you see people and it looks like someone's got an eraser and made their face a little blurry - their traits seem to go out of focus.
I was always that kid. When I got ice cream, I put it in my eye. When I got my license, I got pulled over so many times for playing 'Les Mis' too loud.
Like other undocumented people in this country, I want a green card, and I want a driver's license, and I want a passport. What, to me, is the immigration bill? It's a green card, a driver's license, and a passport. That's what it's about to me, tangibly. That I could see my mom. That I could drive. Is there anything more American than driving? That I could get a green card and be able to - right now, I'm just like freelancing and working as an independent contractor. It's hilarious. I'm unhirable.
Everyone says you should get a photo taken of yourself while you're pregnant. I've got a film. It'll be nice for my daughter, too, to look at one day. She was in it.
Everyone says you should get a photo taken of yourself while you're pregnant. I've got a film [War of the Worlds]. It'll be nice for my daughter, too, to look at one day. She was in it.
I don't need a driver's license, my Uber driver needs a driver's license.
I have to be careful what I ask for in life, cause I always seem to get it! The good thing is, Ive got a purpose now, whereas before my purpose was to go out and party.
Dressing up and doing photo shoots was a side of the industry I really didn't think I would like. But now I've got a glam squad; I love trying on new outfits and experimenting with different looks.
And, for example, like, when you're having the conversation with your child about getting their driver's license. Well, a white family - their biggest fear is just that you're driving safely and that they're minding the rules of the road, whereas a black family - their biggest fear is that their child is going to get pulled over and treated unfairly for a reason that they won't understand.
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