A Quote by Steven Wright

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'
As we continue down the path of automation, virtually every city will have 24-hour convenience stores, 24-hour libraries, 24-hour banks, 24-hour churches, 24-hour schools, 24-hour movie theaters, 24-hour bars and restaurants, and even 24-hour shopping centers.
Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?
I'm excited to create more awareness about the importance of giving the youth of America a choice. There's a 24-hour music channel. There's a 24-hour comedy channel. I believe there's a 24-hour gay channel coming. Why isn't there a 24-hour Christian channel that's edgy and hip and cool and new and different, like all that other stuff?
I began thinking about the idea of a 24 hour concert. What if you tied songs to certain hours of the day - creating a 24 hour world of lyric and melody. So that was the inspiration for this project.
My door is open 24 hours. We can discuss things - I don't think I'm a magician or the only guy who knows anything about football.
24 hour broadcasts have to stretch limited material to fit 24 hours worth of space.
Maybe we should shut Wall Street down for 24 hours, see how everybody who blames Wall Street for everything likes that. Maybe we should shut energy down for 24 hours, see how people like that.
In the ring, it's fun to be the bad guy, but 24 hours a day, when you have to talk to kids, and you see Make-A-Wish kids that love you, the bad guy stuff is not fun. I'd rather be a good guy 24 hours a day than a bad guy just for a few minutes in the ring.
Hey, a guy can hope. I mean, it’s not impossible that a car full of scantily clad sorority girls might break down outside and need my help.” “That’s true,” I said. “Maybe I can put a sign out front that says, ‘ATTENTION ALL GIRLS: FREE HELP HERE.’” “‘ATTENTION ALL HOT GIRLS,’” he corrected, straightening up. “Right,” I said, trying not to roll my eyes. “That’s an important distinction.” He pointed at me with the pool stick. “Speaking of hot, I like that uniform.” This time, I did roll my eyes.
I was at a bar, and this guy bumped into me, and he did not apologize, and he said, "Move!" I thought that was rude, so I said, "Go to hell!" Then I started to run. He caught up to me. He had a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, sunglasses, a ponytail and he was wearing a hat. He said, "Hey, you got a lot of nerve!" I said, "Hey, you got a lot of... cranium accessories!"
Everybody else has the same 24 hours, but I'm going to make the most of my 24 hours.
I am part of a circuit called 24 Hours of LeMons, where it's a sort of riff on 24 Hours of Le Mans. It's a poor man's weekend warrior racer event.
We all get 24 hours a day... It's up to us as to what we do with those 24 hours.
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.
One time we were having dinner and some guy came by and took a potato off of Frank Sinatra's plate. And Frank said, “Hey pal, are you hungry?” The guy says, “yeah.” Frank said, “Sit down.” And he gave him his dinner. I thought for sure there was gonna be trouble from the guys surrounding Frank, but Frank says, “Jeez, relax, the man's hungry.”
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