A Quote by Tom King
Literally, over a weekend, Friday to Monday, I went from a C.I.A. officer to changing diapers and putting the kid in a Bjorn and going to the playground and hanging out with all the nannies. I was the only dad - everyone kind of gave me strange looks because of our sexist society.
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If you're changing diapers and going to the playground, any ambitions of being a cool guy have to fly out the window.
If you want to understand a society, take a good look at the drugs it uses. And what can this tell you about American culture? Well, look at the drugs we use. Except for pharmaceutical poison, there are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.
I've had two cancer bouts in my years on the Court, and the first one, Justice O'Connor told me, 'Now, you do the chemotherapy on Friday because you'll get over it during the weekend and you can be back in court on Monday.'
In an average week I'll be testing recipes, doing a voice-over, filming and writing. I cram everything in Monday to Friday because I refuse to give up the weekend.
I'd had to grow up pretty quickly, and going back to drama school gave me a chance to be with people my own age and do normal things, like going to a pub on a Friday night and just hanging out.
My weekend might not start on a Friday like everyone else's, because I could be working on Saturday and Sunday. But when I do get the chance to have some weekend time, I like to hang out with my friends and just chill out on the couch - maybe we'll watch a documentary or a comedy.
I've hung out at dozens of playgrounds, bored out of my mind, with not even a look of comfort from disapproving mothers all around me. Either they think I'm a pedophile or a deadbeat dad. That's what I get for being a single dad - suspicious looks at the playground.
Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday. Because you'll be dust on Monday. Because I'll be pulverizing you sometime over the weekend. And the cleaning lady... cleans up... dust. She dusts. And she has weekends off, so... Monday. Right?
Kanye is going to have to decide early whether or not he's a Baby Bjorn guy, because the minute you put on that Baby Bjorn, there's no turning back. It's like buying a minivan. You lose a little piece of yourself when you get that Baby Bjorn.
Youth is like a long weekend on Friday night. Middle age is like a long weekend on Monday afternoon.
So when 'Skatetown' came up at Columbia and Ray Stark's studio, the idea was to do it quick. They wanted it out in the fall, and they gave me the treatment on July 4th weekend! I wrote it in four days, and, you know, it kind of looks like it.
At the end of the day, if millions of people come together and say, we are not going to be a xenophobic society, we are not going to be throwing millions of Latinos out of this country, we are not going to be a racist society, we're not going to be a sexist society, we will prevail.
I had one job that was kind of cop-like. One summer I did security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out in the sun all day, Hey, hey, excuse me sir. Get your putter out of the whale's ass. Come on, this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground even though it looks like a playground.
My dad always told me to stand up to bullies, and Bill O'Reilly is kind of a bully, and he's the kind of kid who hits other kids on the playground. And when you hit him, he runs to the teacher and says, 'Teacher, sue him.'
So, the role of a producer is to kind of look at the show, kind of give our takes on what we see, and that'll be prior to the production meeting. Then, we kind of get assigned our matches and our segments, and then we - I like to go and collaborate with talent, and we put together what we see on TV every Monday and Friday.
I'm a pretty strange guy, so it takes a pretty strange thing to make me think that somebody else is strange. I'm really looking forward to something strange happening to me, but it hasn't really happened yet. The strangest thing someone ever told me was that they were watching our show, and they said they should have worn diapers.
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