A Quote by Tom Segura
People will say, 'What's your favorite part of Cincinnati?' I'm like, 'I was nine, man. I liked recess and having snacks. I didn't go anywhere. I was a kid.'
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As a kid, my favorite subject was recess. Why? Because I could go play basketball.
I was called a bookish child. Mother sent me to a ballet teacher in Cincinnati when I was nine years old. I guess I was an awkward child and the family wanted me to be graceful. When I found out I liked to dance and people seemed to like to watch me, I was determined to go places.
Going from Army base to base as a kid taught me to be a man of all nations. I'd go to the Jewish people and say, 'Shalom, brother.' I go to the Muslim people and say, 'Salaam aleikum.'I go to the Chinese people and say, 'Nee hao mah,' which means, 'How you doin'?' I go to the Japanese people and say, 'Konnichiwa.' I go to San Antonio, Texas, and I get along with Mexicans. Then I go to Louisiana and hang with the Creoles. Moving around a lot made me a man of all people.
I liked Bugs Bunny. He was pretty good. He's annoying as a duck and he's anti-proletarian. Daffy Duck I couldn't see what was going on with him. He seemed like he was angry about something. My favorite one though is Pinocchio. I liked that kid. He was made of wood. I liked that for a start. I also liked how he'd tell a lie and his nose would grow. I liked the morality of that.
Few comedians can go to their shows and have people yell out bits that they want to hear. It's like going to see your favorite band and yelling out your favorite songs and to say the words along with them.
The key to finding protein for your snacks when you're on the go is making sure said snacks don't need to be refrigerated, don't need to be cooked, and are in convenient packaging.
I love the theater of the mind because you can go anywhere. You can say anything, and you pull people in. [You] can be jumping out of a window or riding a cow or having bubble-wrap sex or spraying your body with Pam and sliding out of your chair.
Obviously I'll still be involved in organizations like the USO and Wounded Warriors, which will always be a big part of my life. But I like to motivate people, and I like working with children. I could go anywhere and do anything.
I started out as a dancer as a kid; I've been dancing since I was 4. So, performing was always part of what I was. I don't know if it I enjoyed the response I got from people or if I liked having an audience, but there's something in me that wanted to perform.
I started out as a dancer as a kid; I've been dancing since I was 4. So performing was always part of what I was. I don't know if it I enjoyed the response I got from people or if I liked having an audience, but there's something in me that wanted to perform.
I'm conflicted. On one hand, I don't want to say that because you were a man and now you're a woman, you can't be in a women's fashion show. But I feel it's a dicey issue. The fact of the matter is, when you are transgender - if you go, say, male to female - you're not having your pelvis broken and having it expanded surgically. You still have the anatomical bone structure of a man.
[There's] a joke that I've done forever: 'Nowadays they say that the largest majority of people will be Latino and you'll tell scary stories to your grandkids: "A long time ago when I was growing up, there used to be people who were white," and the kid says, "Really?" and you say, "Yeah, like the man who cuts our grass."' I've had that line forever and I love it.
I've had girl friends who've said they liked me, and it's like, 'Look, it's not gonna go anywhere,' but if you say that nicely, then you can still be friends.
Now it's like, I'll go to Starbucks, or I'll go to the mall or anywhere, and lots of people will recognize me, and I'm like, 'Oh, wow, this is actually a thing now; this is happening.' It can get a little bit crazy at times, but I love meeting people, and people shouldn't feel scared to come up to me and say 'Hi.'
I really try to ask myself the question of nine. Will this matter in nine minutes, nine hours, nine days, nine weeks, nine months or nine years? If it will truly matter for all of those, pay attention to it.
I'd say street skating is the most fun of the six skateboarding events for me personally. It's also because you can do it anywhere. You don't need a specific ramp or competition; you can just go shred anywhere around your hometown and have a blast with it. That's the best part about street skating.
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