A Quote by Yo Yo Honey Singh
I had cut myself off from everyone. I didn't come out of my room, forget stepping out of the house. I had a beard, and I didn't get a haircut for months. For someone who has performed in front of a crowd of 20,000, I was scared of facing 4-5 people. That's what bipolar disorder does to you.
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I like to go out there and be organic and improvise off the energy I feel from the crowd, whether it's 50,000 or 20,000 or 10,000 people in the audience.
Bipolar depression really got my life off track, but today I'm proud to say I am living proof that someone can live, love, and be well with bipolar disorder when they get the education, support and treatment they need.
I am scared of spiders! And I still get a little afraid every time I have to do something new or have to get out in front of a big crowd. The first time I sang "Swag It Out" live, I was really scared.
I learned that I suffered from bipolar II disorder, a less serious variant of bipolar I, which was once known as manic depression. The information was naturally frightening; up to 1 in 5 people with bipolar disorder will commit suicide, and rates may even be higher for those suffering from bipolar II.
Pain is like a new room in your house that you never knew you had. If you had known, you would have bolted and locked the room past any entering. But truly, it is a room like any other, four glaring white walls and a dark hard floor, and if you don't try to get out, it is possible to remain in it. Once you tried to get out, you ... couldn't ... stand ... it. Don't think of getting out.
I had this mentality that I had to go out to everyone's show so everyone at the end of the week would come to mine - that I had to go out and rub elbows, find exposure. A small part of that is true. But if something is good, people will notice when you put it out.
I cut my hair short and it basically changed everything overnight. I was about 18 when I cut my hair off - the little pixie haircut. Nobody had short hair at the time. Literally overnight everything changed. I worked with Steven Meisel within a month and a half and I booked every show. Then I got a Vogue cover - my first Vogue - and that came out a few months later.
If you have a horse that can beat horses worth $20,000, typically you enter it in a $20,000 claiming race. Now there might be people who feel their horse is worth $20,000, and they say, 'I wouldn't mind seeing the horse get beat.' So they'll enter it for $40,000 so the horse looks like it's performed badly.
I got to show off in front of my husband, who married me as I was stepping out of the business, so he had no idea that I could strut my stuff on the stage.
Whether I am performing for an elite crowd or a crowd of 20,000 people - the moment someone asks for 'Agneepath,' and I respond 'Agneepath' chahiye?' the noise in the crowd, shows that this song has become huge.
I had a very dear friend of mine, ton of potential, and he fell ill with bipolar disorder. And he was put in the penal system. And that was just adding fuel to the fire. He got worse. He came out and he's never been the same since. He can't seem to get his life back. And this is a man who could have had Hollywood in the palm of his hand. A lot of my inspiration and aspirations for wanting to be an actor, I owe to him. Between the disorder and him being put in jail, it just snuffed all of that away from him.
I had the most expensive haircut you can get, and I was walking around with my hair in rollers backstage, and my hair still came out looking like I was shot out of a cannon and I had just gotten out of bed.
Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.
I would want to start. I want to run out there in front of 20,000 people and get my name announced. I get it. I get that.
I waited all those years for a title shot, and when I finally got it, I had to pay $20,000 for the opportunity. My purse was only $18,000. So to make money, I had to bet $10,000 on myself at 8-5. That was how it was in those days.
The house has to be clean and in order because I have to be able to sift through the creative disorder in my mind. The mental disorder that I'm exploring has to bounce off the walls. It has to go in and out of different rooms. If the room is not in order, then I can't distinguish which is which, and that really drives me crazy.
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