Top 11 Quotes & Sayings by Ivo Graham

I'm a better writer than a performer. Everyone wants to feel like they're a bit of a polymath, and I certainly feel that.

I think having a kid is going to make me work harder in a way that's slightly overdue.

I made a couple of friends when I was a teenager who said I was funny. I used to send them very long texts; it was on a Nokia and always exceeding the text limit. But if I was making jokes in a group nobody was listening.

I'm not a terrifically fit person. I haven't been for any exercise. I played a bit of football, ate a couple of apples. I got a gym membership last time I was in Edinburgh but it was very hard to unsubscribe.

The shaved head with which I returned to university in my second year was meant to give me a new air of mystery and menace. It did not.

I loved saying 'swab' in my 2014 fringe show. In an otherwise very mumbly performance, there wasn't a day that I didn't absolutely chuck myself at it.

Pick a theme for your material, and stick to it for the entirety of the piece. The repetition of certain key phrases, however irritating they may sound, will give your set rhythm, and the illusion of structure.

Comedy is such a frivolous world that it can make you addicted to the frivolity, and then a lot of people don't settle down and are still in that non-specific age maturity bracket.

Standup is full of young white guys with generic life experiences.

I went to Eton, that's a slightly controversial issue, but it's an interesting subject to try and come across as likable and self-aware and possibly even defeat a couple of stereotypes.

Mark Watson is someone I'm keen on as a fellow nervous person.