Top 94 Quotes & Sayings by Spike Milligan - Page 2

I have got so low that I have asked to be hospitalized and for deep narcosis (sleep). I cannot stand being awake. The pain is too much... Something has happened to me, this vital spark has stopped burning - I go to a dinner table now and I don't say a word, just sit there like a dodo. Normally I am the centre of attention, keeps the conversation going, - so that is depressing in itself. It's like another person taking over, very strange. The most important thing I say is 'good evening' and then I go quiet.

Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.

Its all in the mind, you know.

A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush

God made nightButMan made darkness.

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Only on the third class tourist class passengers' deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.

If you kill me, I promise you - you will never take me alive.

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.

We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.

If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.

This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it's meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in

Render any politician down and there's enough fat to fry an egg.

The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson.

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse

Listen, someone's screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently

Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!

Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.

A lot of learning canbe a little thing.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.

I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.

I told you I was sick.

If a robin redbreast in a cage Puts all heaven in a rage, How feels heaven when Dies the billionth battery hen?

To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don't want you singing at my funeral.

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

In the human race today, you came last.

If I don't eat soon, I'll die of hunger; and if I die, I won't eat soon.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

I'm Irish. We think sideways