A Quote by Bill Engvall

I've never read a kayak manual, but I'm pretty sure page one says 'Use in water.'

Bill Engvall

Quote Topics

Manual Never Page Pretty Read Says Sure Use Water

Quote Author

Bill Engvall
American - Comedian
Born: July 27, 1957

Whenever I'm near a body of water, I love to rent a kayak. It's easy to use, and you not only get a cardio workout but also do a vigorous upper-body workout, pushing and pulling your paddle through the water.

Brooklyn Decker

Nietzsche says that as soon as he had read a single page of Schopenhauer, he knew he would read every page of him and pay heed to every word, even to the errors he might find. Every intellectual aspirant will be able to name men whom he has read in this way.

Georg Brandes

I'm pretty sure this is it for the teen movie thing. It's so frustrating to read when you get to page 20 and you're like, Oy! It's the same thing again!

Marla Sokoloff

The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson.

Spike Milligan

Paddleboarding is what happens when you want to kayak on a surfboard or surf a kayak: You stand atop a board paddling yourself around. It's a leisurely good time.

Jonathan Miles

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Tommy Cooper

The Doctor: This is bad, I don't like this. [kicks console and yells in pain] Never use force, you just embarrass yourself. Unless you're cross, in which case... always use force! Amy: Shall I run and get the manual? The Doctor: I threw it in a supernova. Amy: You threw the manual in a supernova? Why? The Doctor: Because I disagreed with it! Now stop talking to me when I'm cross!

Steven Moffat

Who says, who says you're not perfect? Who says you're not worth it? Who says you're the only one that's hurting? Trust me, that's the price of beauty, who says you're not pretty? Who says you're not beautiful?... Who says?

Selena

If you've never met a student from the University of Chicago, I'll describe him to you. If you give him a glass of water, he says, 'This is a glass of water. But is it a glass of water? And if it is a glass of water, why is it a glass of water?' And eventually he dies of thirst.

Shelley Berman

I'm not sure who discovered water, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't a fish.

Marshall McLuhan

I buy a tractor two years ago, and four-fifths of the tractor manual is about not tipping over, not raising the bucket high enough to hit high-tension wire... not killing yourself, basically. And in that manual, I found out - and it cost me a thousand dollars - that when the tractor is new, 10 hours into use of the tractor, you have to re-torque the lug nuts. If you don't, you will oval the holes. This is buried between the moron warnings. I never found it. I take the tractor in for its regular servicing, and they say my wheels are gone. How am I supposed to know that? "It's in the manual."

P. J. O'Rourke

In the Himalayas, I spent some of the most exhilarating moments of my life, shooting white water rapids in a kayak.

Steve Backshall

I'll get a three-page letter and the last paragraph says 'I know you'll never read this, but here's my number.' I love to call those people because the first thing they say is, 'Governor, I didn't mean everything I said in the letter about you.'

Dave Heineman

I grew up having to do manual labor because people always told me that I was an ugly girl. I've never had the permission to be myself except for when I'm doing manual labor. Because in manual labor, it's about, 'Can you pick this up, can you move this here,' and I could.

Rain Dove

Still in my coat and hat, I sank onto the stair to read the letter. (I never read without making sure I am in a secure position. I have been like this ever since the age of seven when, sitting on a high wall and reading The Water Babies, I was so seduced by the descriptions of underwater life that I unconsciously relaxed my muscles. Instead of being held buoyant by the water that so vividly surrounded me in my mind, I plummeted to the ground and knocked myself out. I can still feel the scar under my fringe now. Reading can be dangerous.)