A Quote by Willie Aames
No matter how I might feel about myself or my self-image, there is still a part of me that wants to fight to the end.
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I don't want it to end, and so, as every therapist knows, the ego does not want an end to its “problems” because they are part of its identity. If no one will listen to my sad story, I can tell it to myself in my head, over and over, and feel sorry for myself, and so have an identity as someone who is being treated unfairly by life or other people, fate or God. It gives definition to my self-image, makes me into someone, and that is all that matters to the ego.
My self-image it still isn't that alright. No matter how famous I am, no matter how many people go to see my movies, I still have the idea that I'm that pale no-hoper that I used to be. A pale no-hoper that happens to be a little lucky now. Tomorrow it'll be all over, then I'll have to go back to selling pens again.
I don't think any of my desires or beliefs or other mental states are external to me. Many people will occasionally feel alienated from the motives for an action - "whatever possessed me to do that?". Note, however, that some people feel alienated from the white hairs that recently appeared on their heads - "who put them there?", they might ask the mirror - but the white hairs are still theirs. Similarly, I might feel alienated from an action or a mental state because it does not fit with my visceral self - image.
I have a fierce will to live. Others fight a little, then lose hope. Still others - and I am one of those - never give up. We fight and fight and fight. We fight no matter the cost of battle, the losses we take, the improbability of success. We fight to the very end.
I think we all do craft a certain self-image. I guess the degree that our internal self-image matches the image we project, we perhaps feel really uncomfortable in the world when there is a difference. That can cause a lot of stress or bad feelings about ourselves.
I died upon that mountain. There is no question. A part of me will forever be upon that mountain. Dead. That's my brothers died. If there's a part of me that live, because of my brothers. Because of them I am still alive, and I can never forget, that no matter how much it hurts, how dark it gets, or how far you fall. You are never out of the fight.
It's not going to matter, but there's a part of me, a human part of me, that wants to be 60 years old, watching a Seahawks game, and they're talking about the days back when I was playing. I want to be able to feel that. I want to know what that feels like.
Self-censorship has become a part of me. I think because we live in a place where community is very important, family is very important, you feel the weight of how people look at you. Even though I might seem very modern and very liberated, I still have a lot of issues to deal with. I'm scared of how people look at me.
I feel myself the inheritor of a great background of people. Just who, precisely, they were, I have never known. I might be part Negro, might be part Jew, part Muslim, part Irish. So I can't afford to be supercilious about any group of people because I may be that people.
I think of myself as still being about five. Maybe that's why my Twitter picture is of me at five. That's how I feel. I'm honored if I can inspire somebody else. I'm just still trying to figure it all out about myself.
There's a huge part of me that's thinking about perfection. I have to fight that urge, to try to live in the moment, reach for something that I might be hearing, and not second-guess myself.
Facebook is fantastic because it gives me contact with my fans, but I feel like it's not about the music anymore - it's about how many friends you have on Facebook and your Instagram pictures. I hate that. I feel so bad for the talented new bands that are working so hard, and they have to fight with these monsters where it's all about the appearance. I don't want to be a part of that - going to a festival and taking a selfie on stage. I feel like it's such bad publicity for music and for true artists, and I'll try to fight as hard as I can to not be like that.
When i was younger I was much more self focussed. I was worried about my self-image. I thought I was too fat. I was very critical of myself, and then I met and got to know and understand my husband. He helped me turn myself around. He had such a positive attitude towards life.
If you fight improperly, you can be in great shape, run marathons, swim 200 meters and I can still gas you in two minutes of a fight. If you don't know how to fight, it doesn't matter.
One of the rules that I always follow is that no matter how crazy characters may act, and no matter how absurd or strange their actions may be, that it's justified in the character's mind why they are doing it. Not to get all heady about it, but it's fun for me to test how far I can go with things while still keeping it grounded enough that you believe that the character really believes that what he's doing will get him what he wants. It's a personal challenge to me to see how far I can go with that.
Yet a part of you still believes you can fight and survive no matter what your mind knows. It's not so strange. Where there's still life, there's still hope. What happens is up to God.
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