You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off... and so does your husband.
You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
If you're afraid they might discover your redneck past, there are a hundred ways to cover your redneck past.
Take my handkerchief, Scarlett. Never, at any crisis of your life, have I known you to have a handkerchief.
You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
Or you might shout at the top of your lungs or whisper into your sleeve, "I hate you, God." That is a prayer too, because it is real, it is truth, and maybe it is the first sincere thought you've had in months.
You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.