A Quote by Joel McHale
Now I tell my mom, I go, 'Mom, you know when I was a kid and you told me to turn off the television and go outside and play?' I'd be like, 'You literally were hurting my career when you did that. You literally stopped me from doing now, what I do for a living.'
Related Quotes
She was this incredible mom. With each of her kids, she did something called `time,' where she would spend an hour each day doing whatever the kid wanted to do, whether it was play spacemen or `Let's go into your makeup, and I'll make you up like a clown.' And as a teenager you'd be like, `Rub me, Mom. Give me a massage.'
I actually have no style whatsoever. I'm the worst. I have people I talk to, and I say, 'Please tell me how to dress because I don't know what I'm doing.' The biggest thing for me is my mom. I'm like, 'Mom, do I look good?' If she says yes, I'm good to go.
I didn't have a lot of skin care products when I was a kid - my parents were very au naturale - and I think I was about 9 years old when my girlfriend told me she used Biore. I was like, 'Hmm, never heard of it.' So my mom took me to the store, and I picked out five different things and have been literally using it ever since.
Everybody literally thinks I've had plastic surgery. My mom's family call her, and they're like, 'Did Hailey do her lips? Did she do her nose?' Do people want me to go to a doctor and have them examine my face so they can tell people I haven't? My face has just matured. I grew into my looks.
It scared my mom to death when all my friends started driving. She always told me she wanted me to drive, but I think she kind of felt lucky that I didn't get my permit when all my friends did. I think that's been the hardest thing for her, watching me go out with my friends and literally drive away.
My father left... but I tell my mom - and I told my mom this when I was a kid - I said, 'You know what, Mom? Good thing he left because you're a strong woman.'
I didn't even walk for graduation - I did graduate, though. I got this homeschool deal. I didn't have to go to school because I was depressed, and my mom wrote all these essays for me. I didn't write one of them. She literally got me my diploma.
I have often wished in the past few years that my mom were here to help me as I raised my own teenage son. As a girl, with my own mom, I thought I knew it all; now I know better. Somewhere, I know my mom is smiling.
[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! It's me, Calvin! I was wondering if you'd like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy, I don't think you've ever invited me to... Calvin's Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin's Mom: You're contagious! You can't have anyone over to play! Calvin: Shhhh! Shhhh! You'll spoil the whole thing! I was going to trick Susie into catching... HEY! OW! LET GO! Susie: [Hanging up the phone] Any chance of getting transferred, Dad?
I work too much to be an appropriate parent. I feel like a bad mom to my dog some days because I'm just not here enough. I just feel like I would do a bad job if I took the time to literally give birth to a kid right now and try and juggle everything I'm doing.
I'm 24 now and I told my mom that if, by 25, it doesn't happen for me in MMA, I would realistically go back to work.
Really, who thinks of living in California as a Canadian kid? You just don't. Now when I go home to Canada to play a game, I am like, 'This weather here sucks.' I used to love it as a kid, but now it's like, 'Wow let's get back to California now.'
I work too much to be an appropriate parent. I feel like a bad mom to my dog [Isaboo, a pit bull] some days because I’m just not here enough. I just feel like I would do a bad job if I took the time to literally give birth to a kid right now and try and juggle everything I’m doing.
If I don't call my mom back, she'll go on Twitter and say, 'Adam hasn't called me. I'm worried about him,' and strangers will say, 'You're horrible. You go call your mom right now!' It's very complicated.
I told my mom: I said, 'Mom, I'm going to try out for WWE.' Her response was, 'The heck you are!' She was like, 'You are not doing that!' So I had to try out without her knowing, but now she's, like, the biggest supporter and so proud of me.
I like Daniel. He takes care of you." I blinked. "Oh my God. Did you really just say that? He takes care of me?" Dad flushed. "I didn't mean it like-" "Takes care of me? Did I go to sleep and wake up in the nineteenth century?" I looked down at my jeans and T-shirt. "Ack! I can't go to school like this. Where's my corset? My bonnet?" Dad sighed as Mom walked in with her empty teacup. "What did I miss?" She said. "Dad's trying to marry me off to Daniel." I looked at him. "You know, if you offer him a new truck for a dowry, he might go for it.
Related Authors
Bill Maher Quotes
American
Comedian
Craig Ferguson Quotes
Scottish
Comedian
David Letterman Quotes
American
Comedian
Demetri Martin Quotes
American
Comedian
Ellen DeGeneres Quotes
American
Comedian
George Carlin Quotes
American
Comedian
Jay Leno Quotes
American
Comedian
Jim Gaffigan Quotes
American
Comedian
Jimmy Fallon Quotes
American
Comedian
Joan Rivers Quotes
American
Comedian
Mitch Hedberg Quotes
American
Comedian
P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
American
Comedian
Robin Williams Quotes
American
Comedian
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
American
Comedian
Stephen Colbert Quotes
American
Comedian
Steven Wright Quotes
American
Comedian