A Quote by David Sedaris
At the morgue, people were so desensitized that they would eat lunch in the glass walled room adjacent to the autopsy room. A viewing room. Because it had the best air conditioning in the building. So they would eat in there and maybe somebody would come in who had been found after being dead for three days and they would say: That is the exact purple I want for those drapes in the study. They didn't miss a beat. They could eat through anything.
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I was embarrassed about being Indian and I was very introverted. My mom would pack me Indian food for lunch. All the kids had their Lunchables and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and I had rice and dal. They would say, 'Does your house smell like curry? You smell like curry!' So, I'd never eat lunch, really. Or, I'd hide to eat lunch.
My mother never threw anything out. If there was a sliver of a tomato, it was in the refridge. I would come in with my friends, and Mom would say, 'Want something to eat?' In 20 minutes, there was four, five dishes to eat.
At the beginning of the Larry Sanders show, you know, we were grateful to get guests. At the end, it was as if we actually were The Tonight Show. People would come on, and it had the same sort of imprimatur as if we were on the air. I've been on a lot of talk shows during that time and since then, and people would come up in the dressing room or in the corridors and say, "You guys got it exactly right." Or they would say, "We have Larry Sanders moments every day."
Every day when everybody would have lunch I would do TM [Transcendental Meditation] and then I would eat while I was working because I had missed lunch but that is how I survived the 9 years [of Seinfeld], it was that 20 minutes in the middle of the day would save me.
It's extraordinary to think that if you walked into a room and said you had never heard of Hamlet, you would be regarded as a Philistine. But you could walk into the same room and say, 'I don't know what a proton is,' and people would just laugh and say, 'Why should you know?'
The problem I used to have is that I would eat in the morning, get busy training, and then maybe I'd have a shake or two throughout the day, but I wouldn't really eat anything. Then, at night, I would just kind of eat a larger meal or two, but by my second training session, I was usually kind of beat up or worn down.
I had a dream about building a house on a dock, composed from 100 triangles. You'd have to sail from room to room. And maybe the entrance would be the mouth of a whale.
I often eat a lot of food when I eat and I eat maybe three or four times a day. I eat a good breakfast I have a protein shake or something between breakfast and my workout. After working out I have a shake and then eat lunch.
I wasn't raised in any way where I was forced to be a vegetarian, too. I always had the choice. My mom would say, 'I don't eat the stuff, so I won't cook it, but if you want to eat it, you can. Let me tell you why I don't eat it.' So she was open about it.
If I were founding a university I would begin with a smoking room; next a dormitory; and then a decent reading room and a library. After that, if I still had more money that I couldn't use, I would hire a professor and get some text books.
When I had a group of undergraduates in the room, I would say to them, 'How many of you want to run for office someday?' And almost every male hand in the room would go up. And very few of the young women.
I would always sneak in the refrigerator and eat seconds, and underneath my bed - you know, I had my own bedroom - it was littered with Twinkie wrappers and Jolly Rancher wrappers. And I would sneak-eat, because I was denied food, not because I was hungry, but because my mom and dad did the best they could in 1970 and '71 and '72.
When I was at school and wasn't having a great time or when music wasn't going very well, I would eat, eat. Eating would make me feel better; when I felt lonely, I would eat.
I'm close to being a vegan, but I'm not one, technically. I don't eat eggs, or nearly any dairy - no cheese or milk. I do eat honey, and a piece of milk chocolate here and there. It's never really been that hard for me. I've never had any desire to eat meat. In fact, when I was a kid I would have a really difficult time eating meat at all. It had to be the perfect bite, with no fat or gristle or bone or anything like that. I don't judge people who eat meat - that's not for me to say - but the whole thing just sort of bums me out.
What would Kathy say if she knew I let the whole crew eat those Oreos when they never did eat their carrot sticks (which I had so firmly required as prerequisite)? All three of my kids were probably heading for disease (not enough veggies) and jail (not enough discipline).
I would eat 300 calories a day - a lot of Jell-O and no-sugar everything, of course. I was doing Pilates, weight-training, circuit training; over lunch I would run on a treadmill in my dressing room with a fan on my face so I wouldn't sweat my makeup off.
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