A Quote by Lance Armstrong
If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times.
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When I was governor, if I told a joke in front of the press - I learned. I would go, "That was a joke, joke, joke," and I'd say it three times.
Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
In the Middle East, we have people chopping the heads off Christians, we have people chopping the heads off many other people. We have things that we have never seen before - as a group, we have never seen before, what's happening right now.The medieval times - I mean, we studied medieval times - not since medieval times have people seen what's going on. I would bring back waterboarding and I'd bring back a hell of a lot worse than waterboarding.
Can I get a fork?; There were no utensils in medieval times, hence there ARE no utensils AT Medieval Times- would you like a refill on your Pepsi? ;So there were no utensils but there was Pepsi?; Dude, I got a lot of tables to wait
After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times, and then one night it'll flop.
The U.K. and Europe in general seem to be a lot more patient. The U.S. are expecting 'joke joke joke joke joke joke joke.' They don't actually sit and listen to you.
When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And I really don't care where it goes.
After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times and then one night it'll flop. And that's when I really take a hard look at myself and say: 'Well, that crowd is obviously wrong. That crowd has absolutely no idea what it's talking about.'
After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times and then one night it’ll flop. And that’s when I really take a hard look at myself and say: "Well, that crowd is obviously wrong. That crowd has absolutely no idea what it’s talking about."
One of my favourite things to think about is, if you could be invisible and go back in time, where would you go? I've always said ancient Egypt. I would love to see them building the pyramids, and I've always had a real fascination with medieval time and monarchy in medieval times.
Television is the Antichrist, and I can assure you after only three or four generations, people will no longer even know how to fart on their own and humans will return to medieval savagery and to the general state of imbecility that slugs overcame back in the Pleistocene era. Our world will not die as a result of the bomb...it will die of laughter, of banality, of making a joke of everything and a lousy joke at that.
I'm like a bumper car. When I did an infomercial I was fodder for every TV comedy show. I couldn't get a job. People said I was a huge joke. I've been a joke so many times. I've been on my way out since I started, but I'm strong-willed. My mother is so much tougher than I am and my grandmother is so much tougher than my mother.
I hear poets complaining: 'We face what our forebears did not face. We face TV. We face radio. We face this and that.'
There have been times when I have goofed up, and like every adolescent, I sometimes did get led the wrong way. I would come back home really scared to face my mom's wrath and anger, but surprisingly, I never got to face one. She would always tell me in a very nice manner that what I did was wrong and that I should correct myself.
Hard times have been on Josh Barnett. Dealing with athletic commissions. Everybody's saying, 'You did this and you did that. You're the problem for this.' That's hard times. Hard times on my family. Hard times on my friends. Hard times on me.
A lot of fantasy names are too much. They’re too difficult to pronounce. I wanted the flavour of medieval England. I took actual names we still use today, like ‘Robert’, and in some case I tweaked them a little bit. I made ‘Edward’ into ‘Eddard’. If you look back at medieval times, no one knew how to spell their own names. There are a lot of variations that we’ve lost.
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