A Quote by Mitch Hedberg

I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time. — © Mitch Hedberg
I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
Drug users made me. They taught me. I didn't know how to work a scale; I didn't know what a gram was. Drug users taught me the business. They're going to teach it to the next guy, because they want a good drug dealer, one they can trust, one that's not going to rob them, one that's not going to cheat them out of their money, one that's not going to sell them fake dope. That was me. They're going to find another one because they're going to be looking for that guy every single day until they find him.
I always wondered, you know I watch "Cops" all the time - why doesn't a drug dealer design a trap door under their car? 'Cause cops don't have cameras under the cars, they get you for throwing stuff out the window! If you got a trap door under your car, boom! You would run over it. It would be genius.
I am surprised that many people disregard the fact that the end for almost all drug dealers ends up being the cemetery or the jail cell, we do not know of any case where a drug dealer has "retired"
I was a drug dealer in Ibiza at 15. I did not excel in drug dealing - I was terrible at it. Golden rule with drug dealing - don't get too enthusiastic with your own merchandise.
Wouldn't you rather your kid be a drug dealer than a drug addict?
I'll get rid of the drug problem. The first drug dealer will be publicly executed in front of everybody and all of the sudden the rest of the drug dealers are going to go "Uh oh!" Watch how fast the drug problem disappears. If you use drugs, you're addicted and you steal something, you'll get sent off to the outback and to work camps and all of the sudden no drug addicts. See how simple that is? So simple.
I was a drug dealer, so I've killed a lot of people, with drugs. When you're a drug dealer and you see drugs to people and you get them addicted and three or four years later they get killed in a car wreck, I have to answer for that. So, I've hurt a lot of people and done a lot of bad things that I have to answer for.
I played a major role in the spread of crack cocaine, the marketing of crack cocaine, the glamorization of crack cocaine. But it's hard to say that it was totally my fault. My judge in Cincinnati told me, "Mr. Ross, I know that the prosecutor and the media and the DEA all want to blame you for this problem, but I sentenced my first drug dealer the year you were born, so I know you're not the cause. This is a problem we've had since before you were born."
According to Life & Style Weekly, 50 Cent may be working on Lindsay Lohan's next album. Finally, a match made in rap heaven. He's a convicted drug dealer who's been shot nine times, and she spent 84 minutes in prison. This is a big step for Lindsay. The last time Lindsay got near a black guy she ran over his foot.
And that's the thing about our show: what are they going to do put on the poster? I don't know. It's always easier when you have someone like Cedric the Entertainer where you can go, "You know this guy. You love this guy. Watch his sketch show." And then people tune in and go, "I though I knew that guy. I don't love that guy in a sketch show."
It's late at night and I can't sleep. Missing you just runs too deep. Oh I can't breathe, thinking of your smile. Every kiss I can't forget, this aching heart ain't broken yet. Oh God I wish I could make you see Cause I know this flame isn't dying So nothing can stop me from trying Baby you know that Maybe it's time for miracles Cause I ain't giving up on love You know that maybe it's time for miracles Cause I ain't giving up on love No I ain't giving up on us
I don't think anyone's ever thought I was a drug dealer.
That ain't nothing to be proud of, man. I'm not going to say, like, I'm an angel. I've definitely did some things. I just... I don't know... it's kind of corny to do that sometimes, you know? I mention it a few times, but I don't go crazy with it. I ain't a coke rapper, na'mean? I wasn't no big drug dealer neither, B. You know what I mean? I made enough to get fly, keep a little stack in the crib... couple of stacks in the crib. But I wasn't crazy with it. So that s**t ain't... I always worked for somebody. I got some other n***a rich.
You are a drug dealer. To tiny faeries. Shame." Sanya to Dresden
I didn't want any middle-of-the-road creep. I always wanted the toughest guy in school, the guy from south Philly who wore tight black pants. Y'know, the guy who carried the umbrella and wore white shirts with real thin black ties. I was really nuts over this guy named Butchie Magic 'cause he let me carry his switchblade.
Broken, hopeless, headed nowhere Only motivation for what the dealer's supplying That rush, that drug, that dope Those pills, that crumb, that roach Thinkin' I would never do that, not that drug and growing up nobody ever does Until your stuck, lookin' in the mirror like I can't believe what I've become Swore I was goin' to be someone And growing up everyone always does We sell our dreams and our potential To escape through that buzz
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