A Quote by Paulo Coelho
Sometimes I catch myself stooping, and whenever I am like that, I am sure something is not quite right.
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I don't know - sometimes I catch myself being dark, and it's annoying. I think, 'Get over it.' I bore myself. But sometimes, like everybody, I'm sure I am obsessive.
I am astonished, disappointed, pleased with myself. I am distressed, depressed, rapturous. I am all these things at once, and cannot add up the sum. I am incapable of determining ultimate worth or worthlessness; I have no judgment about myself and my life. There is nothing I am quite sure about. I have no definite convictions - not about anything, really. I know only that I was born and exist, and it seems to me that I have been carried along. I exist on the foundation or something I do not know.
Whenever I'm in need of inspiration and mantras, I go straight to simple affirmations. 'I am strong', 'I am brave', 'I can do this' and 'I'm awesome'. Whatever you put after 'I am', you will become. 'I am' are the two most powerful words, so make sure what you say after 'I am' is what you want to experience. It's like a magic trick.
Quite simply, it is true that I can be a pig! It is not a lie to say that. Sometimes, I feel that I am in the right even when I am wrong.
I am very, very aware at all times. I'm watching myself, I'm listening to myself, I'm judging myself, critiquing myself all the time, and I will know when I do something and I will immediately say, "Can I do another one, because I didn't quite get that thing," or that I wanted to do something there and it didn't quite work.
Sometimes a poem starts because I feel the urge to write about something from which I carry a great deal of shame, and I try to sketch out in writing how I am complicit in whatever dynamic it is I am illuminating. And sometimes it comes later, when I step back and challenge myself - am I being honest here?
I am tough. Sometimes I'm unreasonable. I have to catch myself every once in a while.
I'm not a suicidal person at all, but on paper it seems that I am. I think I'm really quite horrible to myself in many ways. You always think it's going to be fine, the body will repair itself. There will be another chance. But I'm 33 now. The body won't keep repairing itself. You know when you can flick a coin and catch it on your elbow, and flick it up and catch it on the back of your head? And then you can't even catch it with two hands any more. You realise something is wrong.
Chess is my profession. I am my own boss; I am free. I like literature and music, classical especially. I am in fact quite normal; I have a Bohemian profession without being myself a Bohemian. I am neither a conformist nor a great revolutionary.
I understand almost everything in English. I am just not 100 per cent on numbers, so when I am out I am comfortable ordering food but when I am paying, I have to make sure I am paying the right amount!
I like hearing myself talk. It is one of my greatest pleasures. I often have long conversations all by myself. Sometimes I am so clever I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
People always get tired of one another. I grow tired of myself whenever I am left alone for ten minutes, and I am certain that I am fonder of myself than anyone can be of another person.
I always like to do the things that I think are right. I am not trying to be a model, I am trying to be myself and do the right things. If what I am doing is a model, or is an example, is the right example, I am very happy, but I don't pretend that.
I love myself. Because I'm all that I have and if I don't love myself, no one else will. Whenever I feel myself starting to dislike something I tell myself, "This is who I am," so what's the point in disliking it?
The only way I can meet expectations of myself and what I think I am capable of is to make sure my game is in order and I am doing things that allow me to perform at my best, to make sure my training is good, to make sure I am focused on watching the ball and not worried about the external expectations.
It's like, whether or not you're humiliated or embarrassed or you do well is contingent on the choices that you make in your work. So that is a lot of pressure to be like, 'Oh no, am I doing the right thing? Am I doing something cool? Am I doing something bad?'
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