A Quote by Robert Orben
Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.
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This is my saddest story: In grade school, they would have us open our Valentine's cards and read them out loud. I always sent cards to myself because nobody else did.
I signed a $150,000 contract with TNA Wrestling for a year. I ended up 8 appearances for 40 minutes. Then I signed a second contract and they didn't use me. So, I'd like to thank them for $300,000 for 40 minutes' worth of work.
Even with clothing naked animals, there were people who wanted to send in money. A woman in Santa Barbara, California, sent a $40,000 check. I fondled it for about five minutes and then sent it back. I told her I couldn't accept money from strangers.
I sent my daughter 40 roses last November because I thought she was 40. And she laughed her head off. She is not going to be 40 until this year!
Valentine's Day is much more of a holy day of obligation for a guy in a relationship with a woman, because a woman has certain emotional expectations. Even if she doesn't value Valentine's Day, or views it as a corporate exercise, she still often wants her boyfriend or husband to go through the motions, just in case she values it.
I guess I've shot about 40,000 negatives and of these I have about 800 pictures I like.
When you wake up and see the whole creation is my valentine, the country is my valentine, the Divinity is my valentine, knowledge is my valentine then Valentine’s Day will never end for you. All 365 days is Valentine’s Day. That is how I feel - everyday is Valentine’s Day
We've got people that are paying premiums of $1,000 a month out there, and then they've got a deductible of $1,000. If you're making $40,000, $50,000, $60,000 out there and you've got an Obamacare plan, by and large you've got an insurance card, but you don't have any care because you can't afford the deductible.
I don't think I've ever gotten to the point where I sent out Christmas cards! But if I did, they would have to feature my pets, that's for sure.
I watched the way Hillary Clinton talk now about how lovely everything is and how wonderful she is. It doesn't work that way. She was after him, she was trying to - she even sent out or her campaign sent out pictures of him in a certain garb, very famous pictures. I don't think she can deny that.
The doctor's wife wasn't a bad woman. She was sufficiently convinced of her own importance to believe that God actually did watch everything she did and listen to everything she said, and she was too taken up with rooting out the pride she was prone to feeling in her own holiness to notice any other failings she might have had. She was a do-gooder, which means that all the ill she did, she did without realizing it.
Never guess a woman's age. Never guess a woman's weight. Never even talk about weight in front of a woman. And never, ever ask a woman when she's due.
The Samaritan woman grasped what He said with fervor that came from an awareness of her real need. The transaction was fascinating. She has come with a buket. He sent her back with a spring of living water. She had come as a reject. He sent her back being accepted by God Himself. She came wounded. He sent her back whole. She came laden with questions. He sent her back as a source for answers. She came living a life of quiet desperation. She ran back overflowing with hope. The disciples missed it all. It was lunchtime for them.
At one time, my mother did plan to divorce my father when she found out about an affair he had with a model, the sister of one of my brother's girlfriends.
I did my part. I signed it for UFC 205 in New York. I signed my part, and Julianna turned it down. She didn't want to fight that time, but I don't care about this because I am a fighter, and if she don't want fight, we was looking for another opponent to make fight.
A friend, who's a psychologist, told me about a patient once: a woman who was well educated, had a good job, a house and a loving husband. "I did everything right in my life," said the woman. "But I'm still not happy." She never did what she herself wanted, but what she believed society expected from her.
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