A Quote by Steven Soderbergh
What's great about things like Kickstarter is that it enables me, finally, and without any bad feeling at all, when people come up to me now saying, "I want to do this." I can just go, "There are no excuses anymore."
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I kind of feel a bit insecure about things. At fashion parties, I do feel like people are kind of watching me and I get so shy, and I think, Oh, if only I could have a drink now. But then that feeling disappears - it actually disappears pretty quickly. I remember how happy I am that I don't drink anymore. I think about all the bad times I had when I was drunk. I messed up so many things. I don't want to do that anymore.
I always tell people, 'Stop coming to me and telling what people are saying about me.' I don't care anymore. I always get the people that come to me and say, 'Girl, I just want to tell you... ' and I'm like, 'Nope.'
I failed, I think, seven [or] eight times before I finally got my first [championship]. It was just, you know, just about me growing up. Now that I'm an old, old veteran-age 29-I do things a lot differently. I don't go to the gentlemen's clubs anymore. I had to slow that down.
People come up to me, they want to fight me. I've faced a lot of people come up to me and saying racist things, hateful things, aggressive things.
One of the things that's funniest about the entertainment industry and comedy is that people go 'Oh, you're great, but I don't know what to do with you.' The great thing about the Internet is that nobody has to figure out what to do with you. You can figure out what to do with you, and you can say, 'I made this thing, and I'm going to put it out, and now if people want to come see me and buy things from me they can.'
When I started, people would come to interview me, and just knowing that I worked in videogames - it was like people wanted to stone me, it was that bad. People thought of video games as kind of a bad thing in society. Now, people that come to interview me, they have grown up with video games, and they know what they are; they've experienced it.
I come from nothing. Growing up I didn't really have too much, and I can tap into that anytime that I want to and just remember how bad things were for me growing up and just knowing that I never want to go back there and I don't want my kids to go through it.
When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
I have this thing. I've always been uncomfortable going to any party where people don't understand why I'm there. One of the best things about partaking in a show like this is, when I show up to events and parties now, they know me. I don't have to hear, 'Oh, you're an actor? Have I seen you in anything?' anymore. I used to have to start listing things off of my resume'. It's really nice not to have to do that anymore.
I found people that were willing to push me. I was like, 'These are my goals. I need you to get me here.' I don't need any excuses. I won't make any excuses. I'm over making excuses.
A wave of blood goes up to my head, my stomach shrinks together, as if something dangerous has just missed hitting me. It's as if I've been caught stealing, or telling a lie; or as if I've heard other people talking about me, saying bad things about me, behind my back. There's the same flush of shame, of guilt and terror, and of cold disgust with myself. But I don't know where these feelings have come from, what I've done.
It's nice to finally be able to wake up and tie my shoes without feeling like I'm about to tip over, or walk a straight line without feeling dizzy, or be able to feel my left arm. That means a lot more to me.
It's great, and it's nice to have that feeling when you go home, all the people are supporting you. Of course, there are some people that are talking bad things, but it's normal, and I take them like positives, because not all the people can like me, so it's OK.
I believe in the human spirit. And usually the people who are following me - my fans and things like that - are like-minded people, in that regard. They like to hear about people being in pain, but that are okay, and people feeling like they can't go on, but then they find a reason to go on. How do you marry someone and love them, and then they die? How does that happen? Why are we on this journey? They want to talk about things, and they want to understand. So, this is the perfect vehicle for that.
Pressure to me now has become almost part of my life. It doesn't really affect me anymore. People talk about me being under pressure or having pressure of having to come in and be this great player that everyone expects me to be right away. It doesn't really faze me. It's become second nature now. It's almost like it would be weird not to have it.
The therapy has been on and off, but I'll always go. I notice when I don't go, I start creating bad habits for myself. It's up to me to put in the effort. And I definitely watch The Secret a lot. That's part of my therapy: positive thinking. Really seeing yourself having everything you want, and feeling the emotion of having that. I did that about a Grammy. When The Secret came out, I was saying, "I'm going to win a Grammy." And I went there with my hypnosis and believing, really feeling what it would be like to have one.
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