A Quote by Soccer Mommy
I haven't had a terrible relationship, but I've always been the type in a relationship to give too much and not speak out about problems I had or problems that were bothering me. I just wouldn't stand up for myself in any way if I was upset about something.
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It might not be perfect, but the fundamental stance I adopted with regard to my home was to accept it, problems and all, because it was something I myself had chosen. If it had problems, these were almost certainly problems that had originated within me.
When I was a child and I was upset about something, my mother was not capable of containing that emotion, of letting me be upset but reassuring me, of just being with me in a calming way. She always got in a flap, so I not only had my own baby panics, fears and terrors to deal with, but I had to cope with hers, too. Eventually I taught myself to remain calm when I was panicked, in order not to upset her. In a way, she had managed to put me in charge of her. At 18 months old, I was doing the parenting.
I always feel bad when people ask me questions. I always felt that I was a terrible interview because I don't have any problems with anyone, and I don't have a terrible past. Or I don't have any terrible problems to talk about that would make interesting articles.
Well, I don't want to talk too much about my children, but a friend of one of my children, something really terrible happened to her. I just felt like I had to speak about growing up again, because I felt that there's no way I can talk about difficulties of life. I had to talk about possibilities.
Every relationship has problems but when those problems arise you have to realise that they don't mean your relationship is broken, it's just a little bent. Bent things can be fixed and like so your relationship can too. The first step however is realising that.
I want to let you in on a little secret. There are no problems. There are no problems. There never were any problems, there are no problems today, and there will never be any problems. Problems just mean that the world isn't turning the way you want it to. But in truth, there are no problems. Everything is unfolding as it should. Everything is right. You have to forget about yourself and expand your consciousness until you become the whole universe. The Reality in back of the universe is Pure Awareness. It has no problems. And you are That.
I was always seen as defiant. And I did know that as a kid. It just wasn't something that was stamped out of me. I often had problems in school where I would stand up to teachers or I would believe that something they were saying was wrong.
The friendship that you create between you and a mom - or you and an older woman figure - is so important and so influential. I think that my relationship with my sister, my relationship with my best friends - when I'm feeling really terrible about myself, they're always there to let me know that I am being dramatic about something, or I'm being stupid about something - it's good to have those kinds of people to drag you back down and protect you.
People who, as children, were intellectually far beyond their parents and therefore admired by them, but who also therefore had to solve their own problems alone. These people, who give us a feeling of their intellectual strength and will power, also seem to demand that we, too, ought to fight off any feeling of weakness with intellectual means. In their presence one feels one cannot be recognized as a person with problems just as they and their problems were unrecognized by their parents, for whom he always had to be strong.
I had a lot of problems in my life. I've been a sickly kid, I had a strange life. They said I could have been blind, handicapped, asthmatic, there were all kind of different problems about me.
While I have always had a good relationship with my father, much of the time it has been a very limited relationship until I was older. So you can't really give him credit or blame for how I turned out.
In any relationship, even when it came to my relationship with Usher, when it was time to make a move, I had to do that. I don't care how much my heart was hurting, sometimes you're just supposed to be with people for a reason, and it's not always a lifetime. Even if you want it to be, it just doesn't work out that way.
I was always the one asking everybody else if they were O.K. I never talked about my problems. I didn't want to admit I had problems. I just let 'em build up. I didn't want anybody to know I was hurtin'.
I've always had to force myself to make friends and speak to people. My parents were quiet, and it took me a while to get used to the fact that people talk about their feelings, their problems.
There's a price you pay for drinking too much, for eating too much sugar, smoking too much marijuana, using too much cocaine, or even drinking too much water. All those things can mess you up, especially, drinking too much L.A. water ... or Love Canal for that matter. But, if people had a better idea of what moderation is really all about, then some of these problems would ... If you use too much of something, your body's just gonna go the "Huh? ... Duh!"
Basically, I've reached the point where I've lost any direct relationship to any of the editors I used to have. I suspect I'll have to pay to publish this myself, and I think a lot about about putting out fifty copies. I used to think about hogwash like my legacy and silly things like that. But I feel like if I never have another book out, I've done okay, I've had like twelve or thirteen little books, and I won't be upset about this on my death bed.
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