A Quote by Emily Meade
I am very harsh on myself. I can point out a list. My nose is very strange. I have a very round face. I sound so ungrateful. Obviously I'm being hard on myself. Whether it's body dysmorphia, or whatever it is, I can always find something wrong.
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At one point, when I didn't make the 2007 World Cup squad, I was very, very frustrated. Then I became very hard on myself. Whenever I used to go to the nets, or when I trained in the gym, I was very hard on myself. I couldn't sleep; I used to think a lot. Very, very desperate to make a comeback.
I'm very sensitive. It's always been something I'm very in tune with. I am very emotional. Sometimes to the point of where I just want to hide away, because I can't get a handle on myself.
I like to think of myself as a very passionate person, and as very determined. So, if I set my mind on something, I definitely stop at no end to find within myself the power to keep going, whether that involves thinking of a new approach to a problem, or physically challenging myself.
Some people are very good at being themselves and being very natural on screen or being very sexy or handsome or whatever. I like that, and I aspire towards that, but I don't know if I always make it. I work very hard.
I am very, very aware at all times. I'm watching myself, I'm listening to myself, I'm judging myself, critiquing myself all the time, and I will know when I do something and I will immediately say, "Can I do another one, because I didn't quite get that thing," or that I wanted to do something there and it didn't quite work.
I'd like to get to a point where I am not considered natural by myself. When I say that I mean that I don't want to fit within the guidelines of what other people feel it is to be natural. If people feel that natural bodybuilders usually are the ones who lack legs or have poor body parts or don't train very hard or aren't very strong or aren't very intense, if that's your perception of what a natural bodybuilder is, then that's not what I want to be.
I am not a historian, but I find myself being more and more fascinated by history and now I find myself reading more and more about history. I am very interested in Napoleon, at the present: I'm very interested in battles, in wars, in Gallipoli, the First World War and so on, and I think that as I age I am becoming more and more historical. I certainly wasn't at all in my early twenties.
I am from a very humble working class family and was told that whatever circumstances I find myself in that I must stay the same person, be myself.
It was not hard for me to find guidance and motivation. I'm very blessed, and my parents were always so supportive of myself and my brother. Whatever you wanted to do, you just had to give 110 percent. So whatever that was, they supported it.
I'm confident in who I am, and I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just being myself: being comfortable with my body, comfortable with my sound, and I'm figuring out who I am.
I have full faith in people. I think that we have the ability to change. We're habitual creatures. Once we figure out that bad habit and identify it, whether it's behavioral or whatever it may be, we change our habits. Obviously, I'm simplifying it and making it sound very easy to do, and we all know it's very difficult, but it's doable.
And as I walk round the park I always think, 'Maybe round the corner I am going to find something beautiful.' I always think positively. It is very rare that you find me in a mood that is sad or melancholic.
I can remember feeling very angry, and saying no! I can do it myself! From that point of view it was very emotional for me to get myself to the point to sit in the chair and be 'up'.
I've always wanted a normal life, and this is what I got. Being an actress wasn't a plan at all, so what's happened to me is very strange. Life isn't very normal, even though I'm still very much a normal girl. I ride the subway, I ride the bus, and all of that. It's the people around me that have changed. I love when I go to a restaurant and I walk past, and everyone waves. That's always really funny. It's strange. It just goes to show that whatever plan you have for your life, you are wrong, a lot of times.
I'm very critical of myself and I know the levels I want to achieve so I'm very hard on myself. So the staff and players are very hard on me as well, which is what I want as I want to get to as high a level as possible.
When I find myself having to share a meal with someone who simply wants to complain about the world, I almost feel myself wanting to crawl out of my skin and just sort of scurry away. But being able to pick up on that stuff and being able to easily identify the people walking towards the light instead of walking towards the darkness, that's a skill I'm very, very glad to see growing in myself.
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