A Quote by Emo Philips

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'

Emo Philips

Quote Topics

Another Another Man Bed Crushed Discovered Get Man Me My Wife Off Said Two Wife

Quote Author

Emo Philips
American - Comedian
Born: February 7, 1956

I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off of me, you two!"

Emo Philips

So,” Marasi said, “you traded a dead man’s scarf for another dead man’s gun. But…the gun itself belonged to someone dead, so by the same logic—” “Don’t try,” Waxillium said. “Logic doesn’t work on Wayne.” “I bought a ward against it off a traveling fortune-teller,” Wayne explained. “It lets me add two ’n’ two and get a pickle.

Brandon Sanderson

I'm going out with these old guys. One guy gave me a hickey and left his teeth in my neck. Another man, we were having a perfectly lovely dinner; he looked up and me and went: You're not my wife! Another guy died during dinner. I had to go in his pocket to get the American Express card. Then you wonder: What would he tip? Another guy said: I want you to meet my family, and took me to the cemetery.

Joan Rivers

I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I'd got out.

Emo Philips

Jim Bakker ripped off the bedspread and said, my wife doesn't make me feel like a man anymore.

Jessica Hahn

I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and changed the bulb. When I got off the bed he said: 'That's the best acting you've ever done.'

Elliott Gould

I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and changed the bulb. When I got off the bed he said: 'That's the best acting you've ever done.

Elliott Gould

Once after Barefoot In the Park had been playing for about a week I went back to see it, watching the audience, which was just falling over laughing except for one guy sitting the aisle. I was transfixed. I said to myself, there seems to be no way to get to him. No one else would I watch except this one man. My wife joined me about 20 minutes later and asked me how it was going, and I said, terrible. I really meant it. There was no way to get to this man. It destroyed me.

Simon Neil

I'm not devastated over a baseball game. If somebody came to me and said, 'Your wife is terminally ill.' Or, if my kids and wife get on a plane and I got a call that said, 'Something happened with the plane,' that's devastating.

Tom Glavine

When push-off comes to shove-off, a man must have a reason to get out of bed in the mornings, something more than the threat of bedsores, at any rate.

Stephen Fry

In 1492, the natives discovered they were indians, discovered they lived in America, discovered they were naked, discovered that the Sin existed, discovered they owed allegiance to a King and Kingdom from another world and a God from another sky, and that this God had invented the guilty and the dress, and had sent to be burnt alive who worships the Sun the Moon the Earth and the Rain that wets it.

Eduardo Galeano

In future, Clarissa," he said, "it might be wise to mention that you already have a man in your bed, to avoid such tedious situations." You invited him into bed?" Simon demanded, looking shaken. Ridiculous, isn't it?" said Jace. "We would never have all fit.

Cassandra Clare

I always said to my wife, 'That's for sissies. Girls get facials.' The first time I tried it I said, 'Oh man, what the hell have I been missing all these years.' Let me tell you, I go in there for about an hour and a half, and the girl does my facial and also massages my neck and my arms.

Michael Anthony

One white man on the platform in South Carolina asked us where we were going--we had got off the train to get some fresh air and to dust the grit and dust out of our clothes. When we said Africa he looked offended and tickled too. Niggers going to Africa, he said to his wife. Now I have seen everything.

Alice Walker

Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off," he said. "I'm not in the mood to compromise.

Janet Evanovich

So let me get this straight,” Carter said. “The two guys you liked—one who was dying and one who was off-limits because he’s a god—are now one guy, who isn’t dying and isn’t off-limits. And you’re complaining.

Rick Riordan

A Quote by Emo Philips

Quote Topics

Quote Author

Related Quotes

Related Authors