A Quote by Andy Borowitz
John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
Related Quotes
During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.
Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards' lack of foreign policy experience, Kerry revealed his new campaign slogan, 'I Promise Not to Die.'
The NHS needs to change fundamentally. It's a fragmented service when it should be joined-up. It's a last-minute crisis intervention service when it should be about prevention. It's a sickness service when it should have promoting health as its core. Crucially, it doesn't do enough to help people to help themselves.
President Obama has appointed a new head of the Secret Service. The new Secret Service director was so excited that he jumped over the White House fence for joy.
Democrats should run Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for president. He's more coherent than Dennis Kucinich, he dresses like their base, he's more macho than John Edwards, and he's willing to show up at a forum where he might get one hostile question - unlike the current Democratic candidates for president who won't debate on Fox News Channel. He's not married to an impeached president, and the name Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is surely no more frightening than B. Hussein Obama.
John Edwards comes from working folk, just like me. John Edwards worked hard and excelled to get his education, just like me.
There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking...And that's just the part where he fixes his hair.
A new poll says that if the election were held today, both John Kerry and John Edwards would beat President Bush by double digit margins. The White House is so worried about this, they're now thinking of moving up the capture of Osama Bin Laden to next month.
John McCain has not been president of the United States. He ran. He ran a spirited campaign. We lost. I hated to see us lose, but there were a lot of things working against us.
Hillary Clinton is not the first woman to run for president. That title belongs to Victoria Woodhull, who ran for president in 1872. Her running mate was a young, scrappy John McCain.
[President Bush should] quit hiding behind the Secret Service, come out and face the nation and explain his failure to protect the country.
When I first joined SAG, there was another John Reilly. My dad was John Reilly, too, but growing up I was John John. Nobody in life calls me John C. It's more like, "Hey you, Step Brother!"
When I first joined SAG, there was another John Reilly. My dad was John Reilly, too, but growing up I was John John. Nobody in life calls me John C. It's more like, 'Hey you, Step Brother!'
What must be remembered in any case is that secret complicity that joins the logical and the everyday to the tragic.
I joined the Secret Service in June 1999 as a special agent and vividly remember an agency brimming with pride.
Disney World is exactly the wrong description of how the Secret Service should operate in public. Their jobs are not about pleasing adults and children, but rather protecting the president and the first family.
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