A Quote by Anthony Jeselnik
Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
Quote Topics
Quote Author
Related Quotes
Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!
Valentine's Day is a sham created by card companies to reinforce gender stereotypes. [..] I'll buy some cookies, but NOT for Valentine's Day. These cookies celebrate the February 14th birthday of Anna Howard Shaw, famed American suffragette.
Valentine's Day is one of those tricky celebrations where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you love it, you're buying into a holiday created to sell greeting cards, bad bouquets, and shoddy love-themed stuffed animals. And if you're opposed to it, you're considered lonely and single and have clearly never had a valentine.
When you wake up and see the whole creation is my valentine, the country is my valentine, the Divinity is my valentine, knowledge is my valentine then Valentine’s Day will never end for you. All 365 days is Valentine’s Day. That is how I feel - everyday is Valentine’s Day
Galentine's Day is the day before Valentine's Day. People sometimes think, 'Oh, it's a replacement for Valentine's Day.' But it's not. You can celebrate Galentine's and Valentine's. And it comes from the sitcom 'Parks And Recreation'... Amy Poehler's character created this holiday because she wanted a day to celebrate her girlfriends.
Any guy hates Valentine's Day. Even if you're in love, you can't win on Valentine's Day. If you're married, you can't win on Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is like the thing you want to avoid at all costs.
There were two main points I wanted to get across in Valentine, the first being that yes, Valentine's Day is an arbitrary day, but why would you not take that excuse to celebrate love? The second point. . .since it is just an arbitrary day. . .why not treat every day like Valentine's Day?
If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.
It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?'
The only time Valentine's Day has any bearing on my life is when I'm dating someone, or if I'm in a relationship. I would call Valentine's Day the path of least resistance. If I buy you gifts, take you out to dinner, then you won't bust my balls. That is Valentine's Day in a nutshell.
I hate Valentine's Day. I think every day should be a day of romance. Then, on Valentine's Day, you should get to tell whoever you hate that you cannot stand them. There would be one day of hating, and 364 days of love.
Although the traditional focus of Valentine's Day is on women and the gifts they desire, this survey found that not only do men like to get gifts for Valentine's Day, but they also like those gifts to be luxurious. Sixty-three percent of the people we surveyed agreed that this Valentine's Day, Johnnie Walker Blue Label is a great gift for the men in their lives.
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don't dare let the day go by without making an offering, whether you mean it or not. Money exceeds affection.
I don't really care too much about Valentine's Day... I've never had a valentine or anything. I've always just spent it with my friends, so I don't really have much expectation for Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.
Related Authors
Bill Maher Quotes
American
Comedian
Craig Ferguson Quotes
Scottish
Comedian
David Letterman Quotes
American
Comedian
Demetri Martin Quotes
American
Comedian
Ellen DeGeneres Quotes
American
Comedian
George Carlin Quotes
American
Comedian
Jay Leno Quotes
American
Comedian
Jim Gaffigan Quotes
American
Comedian
Jimmy Fallon Quotes
American
Comedian
Joan Rivers Quotes
American
Comedian
Mitch Hedberg Quotes
American
Comedian
P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
American
Comedian
Robin Williams Quotes
American
Comedian
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
American
Comedian
Stephen Colbert Quotes
American
Comedian
Steven Wright Quotes
American
Comedian