Top 1200 Stand Up Comedian Quotes & Sayings

I started out as a stand-up comedian. And that's what I'm most comfortable doing.

Growing up, I loved comedy even before I knew that you could be a stand-up comedian.

It was football I enjoyed most. When I moved to L.A. to become a stand-up comedian, I thought it might be a good comedy hook to also be the punter for USFL club The L.A. Express, so I started practicing for the tryouts. Luckily, my stand-up took off, and I didn't need to do it.

I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor... I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian.

I was a stand-up comedian for 10 years, if you can believe it. And I gave it up at age 22.

One of the biggest misconceptions about me is that I'm a comedian, which I'm not. A comedian is someone who can stand up in front of an audience and make you laugh. I've never done stand-up and I never will. I'm a comic actor. My comedy comes through my characters.

I started as a stand-up comedian at charity shows in Mumbai.

Conclusions are based in time. We live in time. So any definition of success is bound up with time. With other things you can say, "Can I yo-yo? Can I juggle?" Usually you have a pretty small window in which to get your answer. Stand-up is different. You can't do stand-up for one night and say, "Am I a funny stand-up comedian?" In two months or two years you'll start to realize it.

We are talking about one of the greatest threats of all. But people can stand up to the school nurse; you can stand up to the teacher; you can stand up to the principal; you can stand up to them with the facts and the right books.

I come from the stage. I started my career as a stand-up comedian and then later on became an actor.

I always think stand-up is the most brutal environment for a comedian.

I thought that I was going to be a stand-up comedian or an actress. Turns out, I can't act my way out of a paper bag and stand-up comedy is a lot harder than it appears.

I feel that I'm a stand-up comedian more than anything else, that's my job.

I'm not a comedian. I don't do stand-up. I don't tell jokes. I'm a comedic actor, and approach my work that way. The comedy comes through the character.

Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners.

I'm not a stand-up comedian; I'm not a satirist.

George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live.

I usually just say I'm a stand-up comedian, but I use looping machines to create ideas with my voice.

I personally have no interest in being a star or a celebrity. I want my stand-up comedy and how I think as a comedian to be recognized and successful.

When it comes to English stand-up comedy, Indians have only seen the best - Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Cosby and the like. So, when someone claims to be an English stand-up comedian in India, he'd better be very good if he's going to make a life of it.

Ive been a stand-up comedian for years, and I can be silly.

And I not only have the right to stand up for myself, but I have the responsibility. I can't ask somebody else to stand up for me if I won't stand up for myself. And once you stand up for yourself, you'd be surprised that people say, "Can I be of help?"

The most frightening thing about playing Dick Gregory is I've never done stand-up before, and I had to learn how to be a stand-up comedian, which was a bit of a challenge.

For every stand-up comedian, Just for Laughs is our Super Bowl. Every comic in the world goes to Just for Laughs in Montreal. And they presented me with the Stand-Up Comedian of the Year award for 2018. This is my Oscar; this is my Emmy. That's my baby now.

I knew that drinking and doing stand-up was going to make me less of an effective comedian. And I just had a lot invested in wanting to be a really good comedian and so I stopped for that reason.

I'm very much a stand-up comedian in my heart. That's really what I do. Now I'm trying to incorporate all of the different elements of my work as a performer, and use it as a stand-up comedian.

I play a garbage man who moonlights as a stand-up comedian. Terrible.

When you see a comedian on stage, the best comedians make it feel like a conversation. But it's not. We have very little interest in what an audience has to say during a performance. Being a stand-up comedian, you're an egomaniac to some degree. Everyone wants to hear what you have to say, apparently. That's not how real relationships work.

If the 'Chappelle's Show' had stayed on, I seriously doubt I would have developed this fast as a stand-up comedian. I probably would never have taken stand-up comedy really seriously.

I've loved the Internet space in terms of creative content control and ownership, the things I haven't had since I started as a stand-up comedian.

I started as a stand-up comedian. I wanted to be Carol Burnett when I was growing up.

In the stand-up comedy top, there's room for everyone - if you're good, there's room for everyone. You'll put on your own show - no one casts you. You cast your own show as a stand-up comedian. When you get good at stand-up comedy you book a theater and if people show up, people show up. If people don't show up, people don't show up. You don't have a director or a casting agent or anybody saying if you're good enough - the audience will decide.

I'm not a stand-up comedian. I'm not an improv person or anything, but I've always been a fan of that stuff.

I am a comedian and I started in stand-up when I was 22.

I've been a stand-up comedian for years, and I can be silly.

That's how to make a stand-up comedian: You take a person who is uncomfortable and try to squirrel their way out of it through humor.

I started performing as a stand-up comedian on my own in the mid-1990s.

If you want to be a stand-up comedian or an artist, you move to New York.

There aren't many opportunities to be a comedian on TV anymore, it's a lot of panel shows. You don't get much stand-up.

Stand-up comedy is a science. Every comedian is a psychology major, naturally.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

Branne's [Pavlovic] parents wanted him to become a taxi driver, but he became a stand-up comedian instead. So they died of shame.

I'm not really trying to be a stand-up comedian. I have a huge amount of respect for the guys who do it. That's their livelihood. That's their job. It's just something that I enjoy.

I have to tell you, it's very boring, but before I did yoga, I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up. And now I can stand on my head.

I don't come from a comedy background or a stand-up background, but I think that sometimes there's a misconception that an actor who works primarily in comedy is a comedian. There's nothing wrong with being a comedian, but I'm absolutely not that. I can't think of anything more terrifying than doing stand-up!

I do films which get me out of my comedian routine so that I don't get bored being a stand-up comedian. And with films, it's here today, gone tomorrow. So stand-up comedy is here to stay for me.

I spent 25 years as a stand-up comedian.

I want more stand-up comics in prime time. It's great for every comedian.

There are certain types of stand-up, who are very successful, who do one type of joke, and never stray out of that. The audience knows that he's the depressive comedian, he's the up-beat, crazy comic. He's the one that talks about real life.

When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"

Being a comedian, it's hard. People hear 'YouTuber,' and they automatically think, 'a social warrior,' and you have to stand up for all these things.

I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role.

When I first realized that I wanted to be a stand-up comedian was when I was in the service.

I'm probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor.

I always wanted to be a stand-up comedian, even as a kid. Me and my dad would watch 'Evening at the Improv' on A&E.

I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there and do their bits; I break every rule in creation. If there's a rule that can be broken in stand-up, I'll do it.

I have this very abstract idea in my head. I wouldn't even want to call it stand-up, because stand-up conjures in one's mind a comedian with a microphone standing onstage under a spotlight telling jokes to an audience. The direction I'm going in is eventually, you won't know if it's a joke or not.

A stand-up comedian who's assaultive and decent and has managed a career that has spanned over five decades deserves a documentary.

You don't need to be stable to be a stand-up comedian.

Finding your voice as a stand up comedian means deeply knowing who you are as an artist and a human being.