Top 111 Bartender Quotes & Sayings

By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing.

Hell, if I didn't do stunts, I'd have had to be a bartender, or something else that didn't pay well.

A theory that you can't explain to a bartender is probably no damn good.

I toured Ontario in the winter of '48, in a touring company of The Drunkard, in which I played the bartender.

I was an amazing bartender and a great waiter. I think, in a way, that was my acting school.

If you have to signal a bartender to get a drink, then they're not looking at you, which is their problem. They're not doing their job. So don't feel rude when you signal a bartender. They're the ones who caused you to signal them. Go for it.

Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A Catholic priest, a Jewish rabbi, and a Muslim mullah all walk into a bar, and the bartender says: - What is this, a joke? - ?hurch is the only organization that exists primarily for the benefit of non-members.

It's true though: time moves in its own special way in the middle of the night," the bartender says, loudly striking a book match and lighting a cigarette. "You can't fight it.

I'm a bartender. I like recipes. They're concretes. Was the drink recipe for seduction one shot charm and two shots self-deception, shaken, not stirred?

If you truly love me, kill the bartender.

I could finally quit my job as a bartender and stop dreaming that I might be Superman and know that I was. Then I started thinking about how cool it was.

Even prior to WWE, when I was bartending and training MMA, I always had a sense of fulfillment because although not my dream job, I took pride in being the best bartender I could be.

To extract the fullest flavor of our drinking house, we needed to spend serious evening time there, slowly coming to know the bartender and the regulars, their joys and sorrows.

My dad was a bartender that worked banquets. So that meant holidays, weekends, nights.

The greatest accomplishment of a bartender lies in his ability to exactly suit his customer. . .

My dad was a cop. My mom worked at various jobs - she worked as a homemaker, a bank teller, a bartender.

The life of an actor is not filled with limousines and talk-show interviews. I've moved crates of beer; I've been a bartender, personal assistant, butler. But all those skills have helped me in the business aspect of what I do.

Anyway, whacking a surly bartender ain't much of a crime.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

John Boehner is a member of a country club in Ohio. It turns out that the bartender was plotting to poison Boehner. Now wait a minute. Isn't that the movie with Seth Rogen and James Franco?

You know you're in trouble, when the bartender cries.

I'm a businessman, not a bartender.

I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things.

I feel lucky. I do love it, mostly. At college I had it in my heart that I wanted to be a writer but I didn't want to tell anyone about it. Then I graduated and became a bartender in Philadelphia, writing during the day. I was the worst bartender in the world.

I worked at Starbucks, I was a waiter, a bartender and a valet, sometimes working 2 to 3 jobs at a time while getting a lot of 'no's' as an actor.

Bless my soul,” whispered the old bartender, “Harry Potter . . . what an honor.

I feel so fortunate and lucky I don't have to be a waitress or a bartender or a personal trainer.

A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks, what'll it be? The duck doesn't answer because it's a duck.

I was a bartender, a hot-dog vendor, a cook, sold magazine subscriptions.

I love to go to the bar close by for a good espresso and have a chat with the bartender.

.. the guitar is just a wonderful instrument. It's everything: a bartender, a psychiatrist, a housewife. It's everything, but it's elusive

It doesn't matter how much game you think you have, no nightclub bartender wants to talk to you.

A conservative, a liberal, and a moderate walk into a bar. The bartender says, 'Hi, Mitt.'

They made it to the middle class, my dad working as a bartender and my mother as a cashier and a maid. I didn't inherit any money from them. But I inherited something far better - the real opportunity to accomplish my dreams.

My parents were workers. My mom, especially in my high school years, was a stock clerk at Kmart... My dad was a bartender that worked banquets.

I was a bartender at a Pizzeria Uno's for nine years. The people I worked with were amazing, but it was quite possibly the most miserable time of my life.

I did lie once to get a job as a bartender. I said I had two years' experience making drinks, when really, I'd never made a drink in my life.

I studied international relations and economics at the University of Virginia. I paid my way by working as a bartender in the summer and at three part-time jobs during the year.

With the education I had, all I could do was work as a burro, in whatever I could find: shoeshine boy, janitor, dishwasher, waiter, bartender, cashier, bricklayer, painter.

I was a copy editor. I loved it. I love grammar. I'm obsessed. I was a bartender. I worked in a cafe. I was a dog walker. I was a babysitter. I was a tutor. Once I was asked to half-babysit, half-bartend.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

Tobin," Mom said disapprovingly. She wasn't a particularly funny person. It suited her professionally - I mean, you don't want your cancer surgeon to walk into the examination room and be like, "Guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, 'What'll ya have?' And the guy says, 'Whaddya got?' And the bartender says, 'I don't know what I got, but I know what you got: Stage IV melanoma.

I wanted to be a bartender for a bit.

I was a bartender for four years, and that was the best training that I had for learning how to approach people.

I was bartending in Boston five, six nights a week, living in my grandmother's condo. By the way, I'm a really good bartender - that's the only skill I can confidently say I have.

Socially, a journalist ranks somewhere between the madam of a whorehouse and a bartender. but spiritually he ranks with Galileo, for he knows the world is round.

Truth is, I love to play bartender and assist my husband at the BBQ.

...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

There was a sad fellow over on a bar stool talking to the bartender, who was polishing a glass and listening with that plastic smile people wear when they are trying not to scream.

I got fired from being a lunch-shift bartender because I had a reading of a play.

Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.

I wouldn't recommend being a musician to anyone. It's not glamorous. It's a lot of being dirty, not eating, playing for five people and one of them is the bartender.

I was a good bartender. I wouldn't say I was the best bartender in New York, but I could hold my own.

I'm a bartender's son. Some things you never forget.

People called me a hoodlum and a thug. But they didn't tell you I was a carpenter, an architect, a stand-up comic - even a bartender. And a barbecue cook. But they didn't tell you that.

If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.

After college, I spent a decade working the kinds of jobs that I write about - bartender, shoe salesman, kitchen man - while voraciously reading novels.