Top 160 Fart Quotes & Sayings

Everyone knows I love a good fart joke!

If you can fart in front of somebody, you know that they love you.

I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.

You stand out like a fart in a church.

She's a warm fart at Christmas.

Fart for freedom, fart for liberty—and fart proudly.

ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.

Even the idea of a fart makes me laugh. Saying the word 'fart' makes me laugh. I have iFart on my phone. I have remote whoopee cushions. Farts. To me, there's nothing funnier.

You Know the Most Dangerous Thing In the Water? A Shark Fart.

Art is like a fart for the soul. Better out than in.

At my age, you sort of fart your way into a role.

This Earle of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. On his returne the Queen welcomed him home, and sayd, My Lord, I had forgott the Fart.

I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind

We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

I burp, I fart. I'm a real woman.

My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.

Actions defined a man; words were a fart in the wind

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

The devaluation of music and what it's now deemed to be worth is laughable to me. My single costs 99 cents. That's what a single cost in 1960. On my phone, I can get an app for 99 cents that makes fart noises - the same price as the thing I create and speak to the world with. Some would say the fart app is more important. It's an awkward time. Creative brains are being sorely mistreated.

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

'Stans' can not see anything wrong with their favorite artist. They love everything they do. If the artist fart, they're like, 'OMG, that was the best-sounding fart I ever heard in my life. She farted on beat,' whatever. I'm an 'objective fan,' so I can give my opinion about things.

I own a fart CD. It has, I believe, over 100 fart sounds. A lovely variety, from the up-close and personal to the more experimental and dissonant. Some people prefer to listen to Bach when they go to sleep... not me.

Spending so much time on the road, I get to fart all the time. Then when it's, like, Thanksgiving dinner and I'm sitting with my grandmother, I can't fart for, like, two hours.

Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is. Come let us fart in the home. There is no art in a fart. Still a fart may not be artless. Let us fart and artless fart in the home.

That has less significance than a dog's fart.

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

A fart in the face is love.

I want to become so successful that if I wanna fart on a track, I can, and it will sell.

I fart in your general direction.

Fart jokes still work for me.

Harriet Jones: Did you notice when they fart, if you'll pardon the word, it doesn't just smell like a fart, if you'll pardon the word, it's something else. What is it? It's more like, um... Rose Tyler: Bad breath. Harriet Jones: That's it! The Doctor: Calcium decay. Now that Narrows it down!.. Calcium phosphate. Organic calcium. Living calcium. Creatures made out of living calcium. What else - what else? Hyphenated surnames. Yes! That narrows it down to one planet! Raxacoricofallapatorius! Mickey Smith: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, great! We can write 'em a letter.

A fart is just your arse applauding.

I can smell a liar like a fart in a lift!

Rock n roll is for the young idiots, not an old fart like me.

You couldn't shoot a fart out of your own ass!

I trip and I burp and I fart, like everybody else.

Every man knows the smell of his own fart.

Verbal contracts are about as useful as a fart on a treadmill.

Rock n' roll is for the young idiots, not an old fart like me.

Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

I always thought if you really want to be a good actor, you've got to be able to fart in public. That, to me, is the most important. If you are so inhibited that you can't fart, I don't mean around your friends, I mean just a fart, out loud somewhere. I don't mean the 'silent creeper', everybody does that. I mean fart out loud! Just that you can do it and not be afraid of it. Humility is very important.

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.

When I was at school I got lines for dropping a big squelchy, loud fart. My teacher, who was a priest, made me write 'I must not fart in class' 100 times. I left that school shortly afterwards.

And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart.

I couldn't fart in an elevator without people wanting to sue me.

I'm a fart in a gale of wind, a humble violet under a cow pat.

We're here on Earth to fart around

Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.

All I want to do is sit on my ass and fart and think of Dante.

A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass.

The older you get, the funnier fart jokes are.

Success is like a fart - only your own smells nice.

Let every fart count as a peal of thunder for liberty. Let every fart remind the nation of how much it has let pass out of its control. It is a small gesture, but one that can be very effective - especially in a large crowd. So fart, and if you must, fart often. But always fart without apology. Fart for freedom, fart for liberty - and fart proudly.

Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person. Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.

My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.

I fart. My backstage ritual is flatulence.

At a certain point, you have to face the fact that you've turned into an old fart.