Top 160 Fart Quotes & Sayings - Page 2
Explore popular Fart quotes.
Last updated on April 20, 2025.
People dressed in a certain kind of clothing are never wrong. Also they never fart.
I'm into paradoxes. I wanted to make an album about them, but the group told me I was a pretentious fart. They were right.
I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
I wonder why no one called the police about the rocket launcher? God knows my neighbors usually report it if I so much as fart in my backyard. (Bubba)
I make niggas eat dirt and fart dust,
Then give you a $80 gift certificate to Pussies "?" Us.
Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.
Some people get lots of pleasure; From books or from music or art; But boys seem to think it's fantastic; To just have a really good fart.
You can never guess what a kid's going to find funny - besides, you know, an obvious fart joke here and there.
I think that everything starts to go to hell when you start smelling your own farts and complimenting yourself on how great they smell. We're not going to turn into fart-smellers.
I play around with my Japanese Garden. Since Im half way to 70 today I need to start pruning trees and sharpening plants like an old fart.
I had this website that, at one point, I listed myself as 'actor, writer, comedian, and fart enthusiast' just because I thought that would be a really clear joke.
If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.
Cumberbatch - it sounds like a fart in a bath, doesn't it? What a fluffy old name. I can never say it on a Monday morning. When I became an actor, Mum wasn't keen on me keeping it.
All my life, I've been sort of a professional optimist, full of good cheer about matters political and journalistic. I always thought I'd get older and become an unnaturally cheerful old fart. But it's not happening.
Atlantic reckoned we should use a top Yank producer and appointed one Eddie Kramer to the post. It turns out the guy was full of bullshit and couldn't produce a healthy fart.
I'm not sure if I'm an introvert or extrovert. I love being around people, but sometimes I do need to go off and fart.
I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.
My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
The moral of the story is we're here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don't realize, or they don't care, is we're dancing animals. You know, we love to move around.
Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.
Though I've turned 21, I don't drink. I'm an old hag now. I'm just an old fart.
In many ways, Eulah-Beulah prepared me for literary criticism. After having a two-hundred-pound babysitter fart on your face and yell Pow!, The Village Voice holds few terrors.
You never want to look like an old fart doing young rap music.
I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.
Your job today is to pass gas. You do that and we can start feeding you liquids. No fart, no food.
I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.
Girls don't poop, so don't claim you do. You can fart - because farting is funny - but we don't want to know that you poop.
I have no idea how to use social media for anything other than forwarding a good fart joke.
I just find all that stuff incredibly funny. I love a fart. I'd do anything for a good poo story.
Bathroom humor, fart, and poo poo humor in movies gets a laugh. It's a pretty easy audience, and that's been around for ages.
Confucius once said that a bear could not fart at the North Pole without causing a big wind in Chicago.
We're being treated to the wisdom of some puffed up, little fart. Doing exactly what I used to do, pretensions to anarchy and art.
Love is the fart
Of every heart
It pains the man when 'tis kept close,
And others doth offend, when 'tis let loose.
We need more intellect and humor back on television, instead of the lowest common denominator of comedy - like the fart joke!
I hate dates. I sit at home all day, and I don't fart once. I go on a date and I've got twenty in the bank straight away.
[To Edward de Vere, Earl of Oxford, on his return from self-imposed exile, occasioned by the embarrassing flatulence he had experienced in the presence of the Queen:] My Lord, I had forgot the fart.
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.
Can you think of a single situation, no matter how grave, where the atmosphere would not be instantly shattered with a loud fart - or a drawing of a butt? There is no faster way to create universal common ground.
I wouldn't fart in front of my wife, and she wouldn't do it in front of me.
People are getting away from the whole album experience, it's true. I think that's sad. Maybe I'm just saying that because I'm an old fart. But I can't help it - albums are what I grew up with, and I still love them.
I can make the best fart noises. I can make, like, 10 different sounds at different levels.
I wrote the book based on a blog that I keep. I also tweet. I don't think that for an incredibly old fart I'm totally behind the power curve. I really believe that the essentials of human relationships remain the same.
I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.
It's become absolutely horrible the way the people with the money decide they can fart in the kitchen.
If I want to keep working as an actor, I'm going to become a comedian who does fart jokes.
[When] you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness.
The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart?
You can't even trade a single fart with the next guy. Each and every one of us has to live out his own life. Don't waste time thinking about who's most talented.
Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there's show tunes and fart noises.
My ex-boyfriend didn't hear me fart once, and we were together six years. I hated the thought of grossing him out, so I think some things should be left to do privately.
If you let go of fart jokes, you've let go of a piece of humanity.
It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer's you are an old fart. That's how people see you. It makes you feel quite alone.
Let me see if I can put this in scientific terms: Think of autism like a fart, and vaccines are the finger you pull to make it happen.
Over at the Olivia Pope & Associates set, we're like middle school children. Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around; there's show tunes and fart noises.
The worst thing a girl could do on a date is fart louder than me.
So, you're worried that a pink dragon will fly over the concent and fart nerve gas on us?
If I fail, the film industry writes me off as another statistic. If I succeed, they pay me a million bucks to fly out to Hollywood and fart.
If mugs made fart noises coffee shops wouldn't be relaxing, they'd sound like a yoga class in a retirement home.
I didn't want to do a throwaway, mindless movie with fart jokes just to make 6-year-olds laugh. I want to provide my children with some substance.
