Top 1200 Funny As Hell Quotes & Sayings - Page 3

Whenever you get a bunch of guys that are funny or think they’re funny, when you first meet, there’s always a lot of bits and it’s never, ever, ever funny. So basically you have to get through the awkwardness.

I don't give a damn if I go to hell. I love you Satan. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Was I involved in selling drivers licenses to people illegally? Hell no I wasn't. Would I have tolerated it? Hell no.

All that are in Hell, choose it. Without that self-choice there could be no Hell.

Before 'Sunny' came along, I would audition and do chemistry reads with very funny actors. And then they would cast someone who was beautiful and benign. I don't think that very funny men wanted to headline with very funny women. They wanted to be the funny ones, and they wanted the wife to be the wife. That was very frustrating.

If we had more hell in the pulpit, we would have less hell in the pew.

That's what 'Hell On Earth' was about: we felt that we were living in hell.

I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.

I put my parents through mini hell with my laziness and poor grades, so I love making them laugh when they see me on television. When I work, I'm always thinking, 'Would my mother find this funny?' The belly-laugh jokes will hit her every time.

Comedy is probably a lot harder for me. Maybe it's because I've been doing drama for so long or maybe it's because... you don't want to search for a laugh; you can't try to be funny, you just have to naturally be funny or be in a situation that's funny.

Definitely that was a big part of my childhood: wanting to fit. As an immigrant, you talk funny, you look funny, you smell funny. I wanted to do nothing but fit in and talk English and sit with everybody else.

In low theologies, hell is invariably the deepest truth, and the love of God is not so deep as hell.

In hell, sinners shall forever lay all the blame on their own wills. Hell is a rational torment by conscience.

To hell with monsters and to hell with men. There is no difference to me.

When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.

Funny is as funny does, and funny puts on a walrus mask and slowly gyrates in a mall food court. I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates.

I learned to smile by going through hell. Now I know what hell is and you don't. I can't tell you how it is, cause you can't do it with words.

I don't know if there is a gene for comedy, but my dad was a very funny man. He just didn't know it. He was a naturally funny character, and when my brother and I would laugh at things he said and did, he would say, 'What do you think is so funny?'

To hell with exciting. I'd rather be drab as hell and win.

A man can't be taken to hell, or sent to hell: you can only get there on your own steam.

I think all good drama is funny. All the best drama is ultimately very funny. Life is funny. You can't have any honest treatise on life without bumping into some humor.

I'm not going to Russia and tell them to go to hell and think - that's not the way things are done. You chip away at something and you hope that there will be dialogue and that the situation can get better. You don't just go in there with guns blazing and say well, to hell with you because they're going to say to hell with you and get out of the country.

We want consumers to say, 'That's a hell of a product' instead of, 'That's a hell of an ad.'

I don't know if paradise or hell exist, but I'm sure hell is more groovy.

There is something more terrible than a hell of suffering--a hell of boredom.

If we had not driven them into hell... hell would have swallowed us.

When Andy Kaufman performed, he was not just trying to be funny. He was playing with the notion of what it means to try to be funny, of what it means to be an audience expecting somebody to be funny. He was doing a dance and playing a game.

I just talk about the funny things in my life, and the idea is that my observations reflect the lives of my audience - so people are really laughing at themselves. This is the theory, anyway, and I am aware that in print, that it doesn't appear to be very funny. But it is, and I am definitely funny.

Now I'm just like everybody else, and it's so funny, the way monogamy is funny, the way someone falling down in the street is funny. I entered a revolving door and emerged as a human being. When you think of me is my face electronically blurred?

The popular girls let me hang out with them because I was funny. They told me that. 'You're not popular, but you're funny.' Now all my friends are funny.

The idea of surprise is part of what makes something funny, or what gets a reaction. At least when I'm an audience member, after you hear a joke so many times it's not as funny because it loses its surprise or its twist. So I think funny has to do with surprise.

Poverty is the openmouthed relentless hell which yawns beneath civilized society. And it is hell enough.

From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it.

No nice extreme a true Italian knows; But bid him go to hell, to hell he goes.

If there is in fact, a heaven and a hell, all we know for sure is that hell will be a viciously overcrowded version of Phoenix.

If hell is to roam, then i've got hell to pave.

In this country, don't forget, a habit is no damn private hell. There's no solitary confinement outside of jail. A habit is hell for those you love. And in this country it's the worst kind of hell for those who love you.

My sons the same, hes terribly funny. Its a wonderful power to have. Its also fantastically disarming. Women find it unbelievably disarming. You can say the most astonishing things if youre funny. You can tell a woman that shes irresistibly attractive, but do it in such a funny way.

For man's only weapon is courage that flinches not from the gates of Hell itself, and against such not even the legions of Hell can stand.

There's always a source for humor [in politics]. If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny. So it sort of selects itself. It has to. And plus, often something that wouldn't be funny at the time is okay to make jokes about later.

If there were no hell, the loss of heaven would be hell.

People are funny in like young adulthood, just like how people's musical tastes are cool, but it changes very rapidly. In five or ten years, I'll probably still be confident about what's funny but it probably won't be funny anymore.

Howard Schultz is a hell of a man, a hell of a leader.

Much respect to Daniel Cormier, he's a hell of an athlete and hell of a champion.

I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are.

I actually think there is hell because we see hell every day.

Which way I fly is Hell; myself am Hell.

Alluding to hell is a warning that a person can completely neglect his purpose in life. I don't believe in an eternal hell.

The Bible talks about everlasting fire and eternal darkness when it describes hell... We do know that hell is real and forever.

Hell is not a place, it's a state of mind and body; hell is obsession with a voice, a face, a name.

If we had more hell fire preaching in the pulpit then we would have less hell bound people in the pew.

Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, coast for a while, and then have a hell of a close.

If there were no hell, we would be like the animals. No hell, no dignity.

This world, which has the potential to be Eden, is instead the hell before Hell. In our arrogance, we have made it so.

What the hell is a Republican? What the hell is a Democrat? I don't care. I've always urged people to make sure you vote for the right guy.

I never gave anybody hell! I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.

I've been through Hell with some of the members of my old band, and Hell is highly stressful.

Hell is not fire and brimstone, not a place where you are punished for lying or cheating or stealing. Hell is wanting to be something and somewhere different from where you are.

I smoke on the mic like Smokin' Joe Frazier, The hell raiser, raisin' hell with the flavor.

[Shaquille O'Neal ] walked in and said we were hiring him, so we said, "Yes sir!" Shaq is a genuinely funny guy. He's really funny in the movie. He's not just a stunt cast- he's a genuinely funny actor.