Top 1200 Funny Golf Quotes & Sayings - Page 19

The most important shot in golf is the next one.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'

It would be amazing if we got someone like Sarah Silverman on the show, not having a script and just being herself. That's the best part of doing this show: just having funny people being funny.

An early editor characterized my books as 'romantic comedy for intelligent adults.' I think people see them as funny but kind. I don't set out to write either funny or kind, but it's a voice they like, quirky like me... And you know, people like happy endings.

I've had chronic back pain since I was a preteen - like, 12. I have really funny posture. I developed this funny posture where I hunch my back a little bit when I'm playing, and I overuse my back muscles instead of my abs. My posture has put a lot of strain on my lower back.

Earth ... God's golf ball.

Maintain a childhood enthusiasm for the game of golf.

All the greatest comedians use comedy and humor to release pain and sadness, and I think that instead of wanting to live within my pain, or live within my sadness, I try to be funny and look at things with a funny view.

Golf is a percentage game, and I play the percentages.

As we all know... golf is a puzzle without an answer.

I do not let a bad score ruin my enjoyment for golf.

I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away.

If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf

I don't like golf. It's not for me, it's too quiet.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

In golf I am one under; one under a tree, one under a rock, and one under a bush.

I love America. I wanted to play golf.

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.

People always tell me, 'You should do drama. You should do drama.' Even when I first got an agent, they were like, 'We want to send you out to be dramatic.' And I'm like, 'No. I'm a comedian. I'm funny. I want to do funny stuff.'

I play golf - even though I'm awful at it.

Self-love is a big part of golf.

Actors are a really funny bunch of people, especially the X-Men cast. They're super funny and super nice, and they like to go out and get drinks and dinner and hang out. It's an experience. It's a summer. It's like camp. Everybody gets together and hangs out.

You feel like telling him you're not single in the way that he thinks you're single. After all, you have yourself. I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.

As a comedian, I don't know if they're laughing because it's funny or if they're laughing at me because I'm not funny. And I'm thinking, 'Who cares? They're laughing.' If you go on stage, and they're laughing at you full-on for 60 minutes? You know, whatever puts them in the seats.

One thing that golf teaches you is humility.

A golf swing is a collection of corrected mistakes.

When you have passion it changes your perspective on things, you want every tiny detail to be right. You want funny moments to be funny, sad moments to be sad. You wanna give your all.

What reaches an audience is honesty. If you're saying something truthful that's supposed to be a funny line, it's going to be funny. And if it's supposed to be a serious line, it's going to be serious. But, I don't think there's a distinction between how you play drama or comedy, if it's based in the truth.

Golf is the greatest but most maddening sport there is.

My stories take three or four months to fix, and it's not magical of a process. Ultimately it's a boring, difficult process. I write everything out, and then the parts I think are funny I put in bold. Then I go perform it. Then the parts that aren't funny, I unbold them.

I am a candid interview and I have a dark and dry sense of humor - a very Canadian sense of humor and I am only learning now stupidly that you can't read tongue. When I say something funny in a newspaper and I meant it to be funny, it doesn't read that way.

Golf isn't a game, it's a choice that one makes with one's life.

I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.

Who knew Rob Lowe was funny? On 'Parks and Rec,' we've got some of the funniest comedy writers, some of the funniest comedians in the world working there. And if anything, we don't just effuse to one another and be like, 'Oh, Rob Lowe's really funny,' if he wasn't.

If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.

Golf is tougher than my first wife.

Golf was my vehicle to competition and I can't play if I can't compete.

Golf is a game not just of manners but of morals.

Baseball reveals character; golf exposes it.

I'm terrible at golf, but I love the game with a passion.

What I like about golf is there are no bad calls.

I like to look good on the golf course.

I like all sports, even golf.

It's harder to be funny if you're handsome than if you're very normal-looking. It's just more relatable. You're the underdog. I mean it's funny to see people struggle, and you don't buy that Brad Pitt is struggling, you know that guy could be the most skill-less guy in the world, but if you look like that you will be fine for the rest of your life.

I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come up to me today, 'Your father helped my mother die.' You know what I'm saying? He made her laugh 'til she died. My father was always very funny.

I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.

My golf is woeful, but I will never surrender

Golf is an ideal diversion, but a ruinous disease.

We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the "Girlfriend in a Coma" is, like, really funny.

I just want to be me and play golf.

Golf will grow so long as it’s fun.

Golf is an indispensable adjunct to high civilisation.

I just know from experience that reading a funny poem aloud, especially at the beginning of a public reading, can have a certain effect. Somehow narrowing the spectrum of possible emotional reactions. So while I like it when people laugh at my poems, and I definitely enjoy being funny in them, I don't really think that's the most important thing that's going on, at least not to me.

Pawn endings are to Chess what putting is to golf

Golf's the only sport that comes with a slave.

We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny.

Golf is not, and never has been, a fair game.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, "Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome."

The problem with golf is I have to deal with a humiliation factor.