Top 1200 Funny Golf Quotes & Sayings - Page 3

My father started on this golf course at Latrobe when he was sixteen years old. He was digging ditches when they were building the golf course.

I'm not so funny. Gilda was funny. I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. But she was funny. She spent more time worrying about being liked than anything else.

I don't do comedy. I think if a situation is funny you just play it for real and if it's funny, it's funny.

Nine holes of golf will take you one-and-a-half, two hours. I run in 20 minutes, I feel better off. So the cost benefit made me drop golf.

I'm not a comedian. I don't make things funny if they're not funny. I don't invent funny stuff.

We know that golf is an ancient game with great history and tradition, but our golf is only 10 years old so don't judge us too harshly.

Golf has an ambivalent relationship with the environment. On one hand, it's a great preserver of open spaces. Golf doesn't pave the world - it helps to green the world. But the downside is, it uses a lot of fertilizer, pesticides and water. And this is in a world where we know that synthetic fertilizers and pesticides are toxic, and water is more and more scarce. Golf could do a lot more.

I am much more likely to care about someone trying to be funny and give them some credit for whatever he or she did that was remotely funny than I am to be mused by somebody declaring this isn't funny, that isn't funny, this sucks. If you want to write humor, you're going to have to get used to that.

Comedy is the slave of time. What seemed funny then is unlikely to seem funny now, just as what strikes us as funny now would not have seemed funny then.

After the abrupt death of my mother, Jane, on Sept. 5, 1991, of a disease called amyloidosis, my dad took up golf at 57. He and my mother had always played tennis - a couples' game of mixed doubles and tennis bracelets and Love-Love. But in mourning, Dad turned Job-like to golf, a game of frustration and golf widows and solitary hours on the range.

Besides good schools, a good airport, and the Cowboys, Dallas had golf courses, and golf was fast becoming an obsession with me.

I was funny in a way that was not dissing the teacher; I was funny just to be funny. A real charmer with a prominent mustache that he didn't know what to do with and a smart-alecky attitude.

Golf inflicts more pain than any other sport. If you're the sort of person whose self-worth is tied up in how you play, golf will cut you to the core of who you are.

Golf is really tricky. I feel like you either have to be a broadcaster, or a professional golfer or a golf instructor. If you're not one of those things you don't really fit in the game.

I don't believe there is anything like a natural golf swing. A golf swing is an unnatural thing, and it has to be developed.

I've never really played golf. With the sax, I learned technique well enough so that it feels like part of my body, and I just express myself. That's where I want to get in golf.

[Vernon Jordan] and [Bill] Clinton would be in the same golf cart, they'd been out there playing golf, and every other word, folks, was what people hate [Donald] Trump for today!

I was a pitcher, and my dad played in college. The hardest day of my life was telling him I was going to quit to focus more on golf. But with golf, I felt like the game can't be perfected, and that motivated me.

If I had one golf course, from a design standpoint, one that I really love, it would probably be Pinehurst. There's a totally tree-lined golf course where trees are not a part of the strategy.

Golf is a central part of my life and I look forward to working with the great folks at Vineyard Vines to create an authentic golf apparel brand that speaks to the golfer.

Golf gives and takes. So yeah, sometimes you make those putts, sometimes you just miss them. But that's golf.

It's odd that the word 'atheist' even exist. I don't play golf, is there a word for non-golf players ?

I didn't know if I could be funny on stage or write a joke. But I saw that there are no rules. If you're funny offstage, you can figure out a way to be funny onstage.

Golf, to its foundation, is a game of integrity and one that encourages us to give back, kind of be ambassadors, role models, I guess, for kids - whether they like golf or not.

Outside the golf course, I feel the pressure, and I feel what everybody else is feeling. But on the golf course, it's just the golf ball and clubs. And when I have that, it just puts a lot of pressure off of me. It just makes me very calm looking at it, yeah.

I have been attempting to meditate more. Golf is my state of peace, though. The tranquility of a golf course, all of the trees, the oxygen. It puts me right at ease.

The one place where I can relax is on the golf course with my teammates and buddies, assuming I'm hitting the golf ball well. If I'm not, well, that is another story.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn't funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny.

If I can hit the ball the way I want to hit it on the range, I'd rather do that than play golf. I just love the feeling of hitting good golf shots.

What earthly good is golf? Life is stern and life is earnest. We live in a practical age. All around us we see foreign competition making itself unpleasant. And we spend our time playing golf? What do we get out of it? Is golf any use? That's what I'm asking you. Can you name me a single case where devotion to this pestilential pastime has done a man any practical good?

For me, funny is funny, and what's unfortunate is these comedians aren't being allowed to operate in rooms for everybody and that everybody can laugh and say, 'Okay, I find that person funny, and I don't just have to find them funny because they look like me.'

I'm pretty much an open book. I am a fanatic golfer and golf nut. If I have three free hours any day, my first choice is to run to the golf course if the weather is nice.

Golf is assuredly a mystifying game. It would seem that if a person has hit a golf ball correctly a thousand times, he should be able to duplicate the performance at will. But such is certainly not the case.

Now we know everything about golf equipment. A player doesn't have to know diddly about golf clubs, because we know what a golf club can do and how it can fit to you. I hate to harp on my era because people don't like that, but 30 years back was so different. I didn't have maxed-out clubs. The clubs now are amazing.

Golf is a great example to me. Golf is a metaphor of life. I mean, every shot. You have this beautiful hole, this beautiful opportunity to get a good score.

It's a different style of golf; that stands out for sure when you come over to America. The style of play and the golf courses in America. Most golf courses in America either stretch your game, and test different elements of your game and the margins for error are smaller.

I can sit here and hit all the balls and chip and putt all day long, but if you're not playing competitive golf... there's nothing better than competitive golf.

St. Andrews by far is my favorite golf course in the world. It's where the game all started, it's why we have 18 holes instead of 22 and I think the history behind St. Andrews is amazing. There is no other golf course in the world that can say that every great player who has ever played the game has played that golf course.

My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny. My uncle's really funny. Everyone's really funny. You have to be quick; otherwise, you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp.

Wherever you find 'men together' - writing the rules, as at exclusive golf or other men's clubs, businesses, and lodges where they wear elaborate robes and funny hats - women are kept completely outside if possible and, when grudgingly admitted, to highly restricted areas or token status.

There is no king of golf. Never has been, never will be. Golf is the most democratic game on Earth... It punishes and exalts us all with splendid equal opportunity.

Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.

[When asked how someone 6'3" had dared take up golf:] I was too tall to make the chess team in my high school, so I tried golf.

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

Since I was a small boy, I was always around the game. I don't play golf much myself, but I love watching it. My father has played golf all his life.

I don't want to rest on my laurels. I still feel like I'm learning a lot about the golf game and the swing. There are so many different little facets of golf that there is always something to learn.

They say golf came easy to me because I was a good athlete, but there's not any girl on the LPGA Tour who worked near as hard as I did in golf. It's the toughest game I ever tackled.

I never played much golf as a kid. I caddied quite a bit but never got serious into golf until about age 15.

What I don't like is when I see stuff that I know has had a lot of improv done or is playing around where there's no purpose to the scene other than to just be funny. What you don't want is funny scene, funny scene, funny scene, and now here's the epiphany scene and then the movie's over.

In golf, the player, coach and official are rolled into one, and they overlap completely. Golf really is the best microcosm of life - or at least the way life should be.

My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny, my uncle's really funny, everyone's really funny. You have to be quick, otherwise you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp.

I would not be in the NFL, 100 percent, if it wasn't for basketball. I probably wouldn't be where I am without golf and baseball. Golf, for the mental side of the game, being able to focus on the now and take one shot at a time.

I've gotten to play so many of the great courses around the country and overseas. Sometimes it pays to be the golf guy. People always want to take me to the golf course. I love it.

Golf has become so manicured, so perfect. The greens, the fairways. I don't like golf carts. I like walking. Some clubs won't let you in unless you have a caddy and a cart.

You can't fake comedy. You can't make it look beautiful or put an interesting bit of music on in the background: funny can only be funny if you're funny.

I played a lot of other sports at school and just one day the golf bug bit me and I started playing serious golf from when I was ten years old.

Like life, golf can be humbling. However, little good comes from brooding about mistakes we've made. The next shot, in golf or in life, is the big one.

There is something about the vocal quality of the actors who can really do it. Jim Burrows, the great sitcom director who directed Will & Grace and Cheers, when an actor comes in to audition for him, he never looks at them. He just listens. Because funny is funny. You can be fooled by the eye, but if your performance is funny to the ear, it will be funny.

Just be funny. Funny always goes over well, so try to think of something funny to break the ice rather than being weird or using pickup lines.