Top 1200 Funny Lawyer Quotes & Sayings

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

My husband's a lawyer, and I lived a lawyer's wife's life.

So that in 1974, when I graduated as a lawyer, I figured I'm not going to be a lawyer under a military regime.

Every lawyer is an actor. The place where a lawyer's acting ability shines most is certainly in the courtroom, but it works very well in the boardroom and in the office.

When I became a lawyer, no one asked me if I had spent some time in special ed. All they wanted was a good lawyer.

I was a lawyer and I have been married to a lawyer. I think one lawyer per household is plenty. It's a good quota for us.

My dream job would be a lawyer. I can talk my way out of anything, and I love cross-examining people. I think I'd be a really good lawyer.

Snoop Dogg is hilarious. T.I. is really funny. Who else? 50 Cent is hilarious. Jay-Z is funny. I've met him, but he's funny in interviews. He was funny when I saw him, too. Ludacris is funny. Everybody is. Rappers are funny, a lot of them.

I went to college on my way to be a lawyer. That's all I wanted to do was go back home and help my daddy. I thought we were poor because he was not a good businessman and I was going to become the lawyer who would take charge of the business.

Thery're both iron, isn't that funny?" "Funny haha or funny strange?" James handed them back to me "Funny 'occult'" "Ah. Funny strange" James looked at me sternly, "Don't start that. I'm supposed to be the humorous one

Frankly, I am shocked at the complete level of incompetence exhibited by lawyer after lawyer for Mr. Cohen and Mr. Trump.

You got to have the right lawyer and good management. I went years and years without management and even a good lawyer; I used to handle contracts on my own, and it was definitely corners that they would cut. It wouldn't have happened if I had a good lawyer behind me.

When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.

I will not lobby. I will not be an influence-type lawyer. I'm a professional lawyer.

If you wish to be a lawyer, attach no consequence to the place you are in, or the person you are with; but get books, sit down anywhere, and go to reading for yourself. That will make a lawyer of you quicker than any other way.

I became a lawyer for selfish reasons. I thought I could do a lawyer’s job better than any other.

An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer.

My brother Cody is 19. He wants to stay out of the limelight and become a lawyer. I want him to be an entertainment lawyer, so he can help me out!

I'm not offended. Lenny Bruce taught me that everything's funny. You can make everything funny. I don't think that assassinations are funny, I don't think you can make fun of ISIS, but almost everything is funny. And If we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at? So I don't mind ethnic humor. I like ethnic humor. I like dialect jokes. Laughter is a very subjective thing. If it's funny to you it's funny. And a lot of things are funny to me.

Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick.

This is true in other fields, too, that a legal aid lawyer gets a whole lot less money than a Hollywood lawyer who handles the estates of celebrities. Maybe the legal aid lawyer is doing something better, though, and maybe they're happier. It's not a completely unheard of idea, but I do think we have to remind ourselves at times to look for satisfaction in other ways.

I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer.

I didn't have the equipment for the regular world of being a lawyer. I didn't have the imagination for that. I did have a funny kind of ambition, but I didn't know where to put it.

The minute you read something and you can't understand it, you can be sure it was written by a lawyer. Then, if you give it to another lawyer to read and he don't know just what it means, then you can be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer. If it's in a few words and is plain, and understandable only one way, it was written by a non-lawyer.

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it.

My grandfather was a lawyer, my dad was a lawyer, my mum was a lawyer, I got an uncle who's a lawyer, I got cousins that are lawyers.

The mere title of lawyer is sufficient to deprive a man of the public confidence. ... The most innocent and irreproachable life cannot guard a lawyer against the hatred of his fellow citizens.

I actually became a lawyer because I thought you had to be a lawyer in order to get into national politics.

If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?

Somehow it must be made plain that the lawyer's moral judgment is not for hire, that there are occasions when the lawyer . . . is under a duty to act as a person of independent ethical concern with obligations not only to his client's interests but also to fairness and justice in the management of affairs.

Ive always had an affinity for lawyers. My dad is a lawyer. Hes retired now. My brother is a lawyer.

My father was a lawyer. I was fascinated to become a lawyer, too.

My mom wanted me to be like... a doctor, a lawyer. I was with it, being like a lawyer or something, because you make hella money and I wasn't tryna be broke.

Funny is funny. If it's funny enough to women, it will be funny to men. I think that's been proven by Broad City and Amy Schumer. They're killing it.

My uncle's a lawyer and I remember going to see him in court and thinking, 'That's cool, too bad I could never be a lawyer.'

I had always been so much taken with the way all English people I knew always were going to see their lawyer. Even if they have no income and do not earn anything they always have a lawyer.

I've always had an affinity for lawyers. My dad is a lawyer. He's retired now. My brother is a lawyer. It's always been easy, the legalese.

I never had an existential moment when I asked myself what I was going to do. I always wanted to be a lawyer, and I knew exactly the kind of lawyer I wanted to be.

A lawyer from Africa wants to marry Malia Obama in exchange for goats, sheep, and cows. In response, President Obama said, 'Don't be ridiculous. My daughter isn't marrying a lawyer.'

Like a lawyer, the human brain wants victory, not truth; and, like a lawyer, it is sometimes more admirable for skill than virtue.

Until now, until I actually got into law class, I just never thought of it as being an interest for me, but it's really funny because now that I'm in law, I'm like 'Wow, I could be a lawyer.

I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes.

Until now, until I actually got into law class, I just never thought of it as being an interest for me, but it's really funny because now that I'm in law, I'm like 'Wow, I could be a lawyer

I played a lawyer in a movie so many times I think I am a lawyer. And clearly I'm not a lawyer, because I got arrested.

I played a lawyer in a movie, so, many times I think I am a lawyer. And clearly I'm not a lawyer, because I got arrested.

I wanted to be a lawyer. I realized I don't really want to be a lawyer. I want to play a lawyer. Thank God I figured that out.

Funny is funny. You can be fooled by the eye, but if your performance is funny to the ear, it will be funny. I think it's that if you don't have the visual, you have to infuse the full personality into the voice.

I'd say my artistic bent definitely came from my father, who was a trial lawyer. And if you're smart, you know that a trial lawyer isn't that different from an actor. He was a poet as well.

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny.

I think if you have a funny thought, and you want to get off a funny point, try to do it as realistically as you can. If you try to act it funny and accent the funny points, or do it in a funny style, you kind of lose it.

Each investigation team has a lawyer attached to it and there was a lawyer attached to me and my assistant.

Temperamentally, Sam and I are very much alike. He's a lawyer, my father's a lawyer, and I always wanted to play one. On so many levels the role just felt right. I fell in love with it as I would a woman.

When I was little, I thought about becoming a lawyer like my parents, and my mother would always tell me, "You can do anything you want - except be a lawyer."

New York state ethics rules prohibit lawyers from soliciting gifts from clients 'for the benefit of the lawyer or a person related to the lawyer.'

The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two-year suspension for a lawyer found having jailhouse sex with a triple murder defendant she was representing. HaHa! Jokes on you dummies... I'm not really a lawyer!

Looking back, it didn't even occur to me that model was a job. I wanted to go into astronomy or to be a lawyer, which is really funny because I would absolutely not be a lawyer in any way now. But I still like astronomy.

I've always had an affinity for lawyers. My dad is a lawyer. He's retired now. My brother is a lawyer.

One second here and there will make all the difference between something being funny and not being funny. That's why I like going, 'Well, we wrote that six months ago, and it was funny one time we read it, but it's not funny anymore. So what? Just dump it.'

The law seemed to be always what I came back to. I have never, one day in my life as a lawyer, regretted my decision to become a lawyer.

You might be looking for a guy with a six pack that's 6'9 and is a lawyer that has money. You're not going to get everything. Some times you have to compromise. Maybe he's 6'2, has a four pack and is a future lawyer.