Top 1200 Funny New Years Resolution Quotes & Sayings

I never really do the New Year's Resolution thing. I kind of just try to stay focused, not get too distracted, and do the best I can. And that's something I like to tell myself every year around New Year's.

My new year's resolution is definitely to quit smoking. I need to do it.

A few years ago I switched to an entirely different kind of New Year's resolution. Instead of vowing to improve, I pledge to do a better job of accepting my bad habits - to stop worrying about failing to be the person I used to imagine I could be.

Snoop Dogg is hilarious. T.I. is really funny. Who else? 50 Cent is hilarious. Jay-Z is funny. I've met him, but he's funny in interviews. He was funny when I saw him, too. Ludacris is funny. Everybody is. Rappers are funny, a lot of them.

Your good mother tells me you are feeling very badly in your new situation. Allow me to assure you it is a perfect certainty that you will, very soon, feel better - quite happy - if you only stick to the resolution you have taken to procure a military education.... On the contrary, if you falter, and give up, you will lose the power of keeping any resolution, and will regret it all your life.

Resolution is struggle. Resolution is ego. Resolution is saying, "I cannot live spontaneously. ".

It's funny, when people talk about the 70s I can tell you the year of every album but when it comes to the later efforts I can't remember the exact years, it's funny isn't it?

I moved to New York to do theater, and I got cast in a play that was funny, and then I was the funny guy. I did a movie that was funny, and then I was the funny guy.

My new year's resolution: Never be afraid to be kicked in the teeth. Let the blood and the bruises define your legacy.

New Year's Eve is a great time to think about making a resolution to change a behavior, improve upon a practice, or to start something new. Most people don't keep their resolutions very far into the year, but there's no reason to wait until Dec 31st to reboot.

If military action in Iraq is launched without a new U.N. resolution, Canada will not participate.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

No man can fight his way to the top and stay at the top without exercising the fullest measure of grit, courage, determination, resolution. Every man who gets anywhere does so because he has first firmly resolved to progress in the world and then has enough stick-to-it-tiveness to transform his resolution into reality. Without resolution, no man can win any worthwhile place among his fellow men.

Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter.

My New Year's style resolution is to buy and wear more clothing that is handmade by artisans or eco-friendly.

People are funny in like young adulthood, just like how people's musical tastes are cool, but it changes very rapidly. In five or ten years, I'll probably still be confident about what's funny but it probably won't be funny anymore.

Like most Americans, I hope and wish is that there is a peaceful resolution to the Middle East conflict. Unfortunately, there are extremists on both sides who oppose a peaceful resolution and instead choose violence.

Perhaps the greatest challenge for the resolution of a systemic global bank is the possibility that public or private actors in different countries might take local actions that would cause the overall resolution to spin out of control.

Funny is funny. You can be fooled by the eye, but if your performance is funny to the ear, it will be funny. I think it's that if you don't have the visual, you have to infuse the full personality into the voice.

No comedian's wife thinks he's funny. The first few years of the marriage, maybe. I was funny as hell the first couple of years.

In Syria, while secretary of state, Clinton watched as United Nations resolution after U.N. resolution failed. She accomplished nothing except to repeat the refrain, 'Assad must go.'

Try this New Year's resolution: I won't check my phone, my tablet, or my computer until I've first read a chapter in my Bible.

My new year's resolution is to stop making five-year plans. I stress over where I'm going to be in five years so often.

My New Years Resolution is to find the calm in the chaos. Practicing yoga is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. It's where you connect mind, body and spirit.

I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have 'til December, right?

As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution. However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution. We don't deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that. We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity.

If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who I am.

At the same time as we were seizing the lands that we turned into Iraq, we were devising an interesting future for our new protectorate in Palestine, and simultaneously trying to pacify Ireland, where we hit upon the solution of partition in 1921, thereby securing a peaceful resolution to the conflict only 86 years later.

Actually, the funny thing is, after all these years, I've got all these new songs to learn for the show we're doing at Joe's Pub, so it's kind of fun to get down and rehearse new things, and also rethink some of the older songs, how we're going to do them.

In music so many people who have been addicts or suicidal are legends. People have this mentality, still, of thinking that if they go take care of themselves then they won't be as creative as they used to be. But I think that's bullshit. I bought into that one for years and I regret it because when I first went on medications, I thought I wouldn't be funny anymore. I thought I'd have to figure out a new life path but at least I'd be alive. But it turns out that I'm actually way more funny and organized and able to have a career now that I'm able to have my head on straight.

In the true spirit of the holidays, let the darkness of your moods lead you back up to the light, and when New Year's rolls around, your resolution will be tinged with new authenticity and power.

I think, as a comedian, the funniest you can be is with people you know, and [whom] you've known for years, in a pub. That's as funny as you get, and so the aim [while stand-up] is to get that funny on stage with 5,000 strangers, to get that funny in a room where people shouldn't be listening but they are.

The best New Year's resolution I ever made was probably to, like, pursue fashion in the spirit that I have now.

A New Year's resolution that I can never keep? To be able to make decisions.

In perhaps 50 years, 60 years, we can finish completely this civilization, and offer to our children the possibility to invent a new story, a new poetry, a new romanticism.

Funny is funny. If it's funny enough to women, it will be funny to men. I think that's been proven by Broad City and Amy Schumer. They're killing it.

Resolution One: I will live for God. Resolution Two: If no one else does, I still will.

My New Year's resolution is to cut my diet sodas down to two cans a day!

Once, as my New Year's Resolution, I telephoned the Extenze Male Enhancement hotline every day for a month.

Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick.

I like starting off the new year fresh. I'm excited to see how 2013 turns out. Maybe because I'm an actress and I am always on a diet and fitness program, but my New Year's resolution is to let myself be nice to myself about my body.

What's funny is funny. The same thing that made you laugh a hundred years ago makes you laugh now.

But the life of freedom requires a beginning, and here a beginning is a resolution, and the resolution has its work and its pain-thus the beginning has its difficulty.

In fact, my New Year's resolution every year, and I'm Jewish so I get two New Years a year, is to meditate, and I fail every time.

That's the new way - with computers, computers, computers. That's the way we can have the cell survive and get some new information in high resolution. We started about five years ago and, today, I think we have reached the target.

There's no UN resolution that allows the United States to carry out operations in Syria. You'll remember that in Libya in 2011 there was a great hoopla made about the importance of getting a UN resolution. Here there was no attempt to get any resolution. They simply bombed in Syria.

My New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself.

I like Strahan a lot. I've known him for years. He was a Giant here - in many ways. Had a big following with the New York Giants. He's very funny. He's got a great sense of humor.

My New Year's Resolution List usually starts with the desire to lose between ten and three thousand pounds.

Desire +Stability = Resolution, Resolution +Hard work=success

It wouldn't be New Year's without a resolution. I've resolved to take a moment every day for the rest of my life to appreciate what I have.

I think if you have a funny thought, and you want to get off a funny point, try to do it as realistically as you can. If you try to act it funny and accent the funny points, or do it in a funny style, you kind of lose it.

I have never had a NY resolution. While you wait each year to make a resolution you never commit to, I get it done everyday.

My 2016 New Year's resolution is basically to stop using profanity.

My New Year's resolution is to stick to a good workout plan that will keep me healthy and happy.

My new years resolution? I will be less laz.

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it.

You get to a new school, and you're the new guy, or you're the foreigner, or you're the guy with the funny accent. That first day at school was a whole new opportunity to create a new persona.

My resolution is to make positivity, thankfulness and happiness my new mantra.

Let our New Year's resolution be this: we will be there for one another as fellow members of humanity, in the finest sense of the word.