Top 1200 Funny One Liner Quotes & Sayings

I always was a funny guy, the class clown. I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother.

One second here and there will make all the difference between something being funny and not being funny. That's why I like going, 'Well, we wrote that six months ago, and it was funny one time we read it, but it's not funny anymore. So what? Just dump it.'

That seems like one of the differences in expectations of "serious" and "popular" music that you can actually depend on the liner notes to explain yourself? Yeah. Whereas in popular music you depend on photo shoots. A hardcore band who looked like Duran Duran would have to depend upon those liner notes.

I'm no good at the one-liner thing. It's just not me.

Thery're both iron, isn't that funny?" "Funny haha or funny strange?" James handed them back to me "Funny 'occult'" "Ah. Funny strange" James looked at me sternly, "Don't start that. I'm supposed to be the humorous one

Maybelline's Precise Ink Pen Liner is by far the easiest liquid eyeliner I've ever used. I'm really bad at applying liquid liner, and it glides on so nicely and actually stays on all day.

I circumnavigate the globe with a one-liner like latitude.

The truth is that Ron is my hero. He's always there for his friends - sometimes belligerently, but there nevertheless. He's also the comic relief in stressful situations; the funny guy with a great one-liner. And no matter how scared he may be, he will put aside his fears to support and protect the people he loves. To me, that represents true courage.

I don't do comedy. I think if a situation is funny you just play it for real and if it's funny, it's funny.

I am much more likely to care about someone trying to be funny and give them some credit for whatever he or she did that was remotely funny than I am to be mused by somebody declaring this isn't funny, that isn't funny, this sucks. If you want to write humor, you're going to have to get used to that.

I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me.

I guess the one-liner kind of comic sounds like a guy who can talk and talk and whatever the subject is, he can pull out a one-liner, but I couldn't do that. I didn't like the association. I mean, I love Steven Wright, but so many people started saying "Steven Wright" to me, and I would get mad, because I never wanted to be thought of as copying anybody.

Comedy is just an unspoken language. Everybody understands it. Funny is funny. When it's not funny, they'll let you know.

There is something about the vocal quality of the actors who can really do it. Jim Burrows, the great sitcom director who directed Will & Grace and Cheers, when an actor comes in to audition for him, he never looks at them. He just listens. Because funny is funny. You can be fooled by the eye, but if your performance is funny to the ear, it will be funny.

What I don't like is when I see stuff that I know has had a lot of improv done or is playing around where there's no purpose to the scene other than to just be funny. What you don't want is funny scene, funny scene, funny scene, and now here's the epiphany scene and then the movie's over.

Funny is funny. If it's funny enough to women, it will be funny to men. I think that's been proven by Broad City and Amy Schumer. They're killing it.

It's really easy to be funny. You get a lot of funny people in a room, the show is funny.

I didn't know if I could be funny on stage or write a joke. But I saw that there are no rules. If you're funny offstage, you can figure out a way to be funny onstage.

I hope that people don't need to look at the liner notes to be affected by the music.

For me, lipstick itself is an accessory. I like red, but I really have to be in the mood for it because it makes my lips look really big. I usually will match it with my outfit. I also love a good lip liner - I'm telling you, when I put on the lip liner, it just makes them look even better. I'll do everything. I want big, big, big.

I moved to New York to do theater, and I got cast in a play that was funny, and then I was the funny guy. I did a movie that was funny, and then I was the funny guy.

I can be just as effective with a quick retort or a one-liner than with a big paragraph.

Lips are kind of like my thing, and I've always been obsessed with lipstick and lip liner. I just always went to lip liner to overline my lips, and I feel like I was really known for that. I can't walk out of my house without my lipstick!

Black liner around the eye makes your eyes look smaller. I think you should reassess, if you're a really big black liner user, maybe even just doing the top line, not lower, or try a brown or a plum or even a navy.

Black liner looks harsh on me because I'm so blond, so I do a brown liner with a black mascara. My favorite is 'L'Oreal Voluminous' on my top and bottom lashes. For a while, I only did mascara on the upper lashes, but it makes me look too pretty.

I don't think of any sentence as a "one-liner", but I do pay attention to how people actually speak when they are being funny. Rhythm is key.

Shakespeare - it's not funny. No matter how they try to make Shakespeare funny, when it's meant to be funny it's not funny.

Funny is funny. You can be fooled by the eye, but if your performance is funny to the ear, it will be funny. I think it's that if you don't have the visual, you have to infuse the full personality into the voice.

I think if you have a funny thought, and you want to get off a funny point, try to do it as realistically as you can. If you try to act it funny and accent the funny points, or do it in a funny style, you kind of lose it.

I love a full face of contour, lashes, lip liner - everything!

How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing.

No one-liner can ever be optimal.

You can't fake comedy. You can't make it look beautiful or put an interesting bit of music on in the background: funny can only be funny if you're funny.

When you don't have a laugh track, you can make the clothes funny. We can make a sign funny. We can make the way somebody walks funny. The makeup can be funny.

I'm not offended. Lenny Bruce taught me that everything's funny. You can make everything funny. I don't think that assassinations are funny, I don't think you can make fun of ISIS, but almost everything is funny. And If we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at? So I don't mind ethnic humor. I like ethnic humor. I like dialect jokes. Laughter is a very subjective thing. If it's funny to you it's funny. And a lot of things are funny to me.

it is all ash and dry leaves and grief gone like an ocean liner.

I'm a very funny man, so funny comes natural. And if you want to create horror, you need to be funny or campy.

That word 'funny' always makes me feel uncomfortable. Because if I were trying to be funny, I would be something like Bill Wegman - he really tries to be funny. I don't try to be funny. It's just that I feel the world is a little bit absurd and off-kilter, and I'm sort of reporting.

A big company is like trying to steer a luxury liner.

You see a lot of comedic content that's not funny, and you can tell that it's supposed to be funny, but it's actually not funny.

I'm not so funny. Gilda was funny. I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. But she was funny. She spent more time worrying about being liked than anything else.

A luxury liner is really just a bad play surrounded by water.

For me, funny is funny, and what's unfortunate is these comedians aren't being allowed to operate in rooms for everybody and that everybody can laugh and say, 'Okay, I find that person funny, and I don't just have to find them funny because they look like me.'

Maybelline's Precise Ink Pen Liner is by far the easiest liquid eyeliner I've ever used. I'm really bad at applying liquid liner and it glides on so nicely and actually stays on all day.

A brown lip liner will affect a red lipstick differently than a red lip liner.

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it.

I thought my family was really funny. Everybody in my family was funny. My mom and dad both have great senses of humor and really saw the funny in stuff, so I think that's probably where it came from. I always try to see the funny in things.

I was funny in a way that was not dissing the teacher; I was funny just to be funny. A real charmer with a prominent mustache that he didn't know what to do with and a smart-alecky attitude.

Living in London is like being on a luxury cruise liner.

Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick.

My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn't funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny.

I wanted to do work that elevated. Otherwise, it's cheap funny. It's dirty funny. It's degrading funny.

I'd like to play Vegas as a head-liner.

I'm certainly not a hard liner, that's clear.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

I love creme liner because I have lash extensions and sometimes the liquid liner can get into the lashes. It's also easier to guide. I can create straighter lines with it.

Snoop Dogg is hilarious. T.I. is really funny. Who else? 50 Cent is hilarious. Jay-Z is funny. I've met him, but he's funny in interviews. He was funny when I saw him, too. Ludacris is funny. Everybody is. Rappers are funny, a lot of them.

I'm not a comedian. I don't make things funny if they're not funny. I don't invent funny stuff.

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny.

If I write something down, it's normally just a sharp one-liner.