Top 1000 Funny Quotes & Sayings - Page 3

I think it's just funny, the things that come out of people's mouths, whether it's a politician, whether it's an average person on the street - and to be honest with you, sometimes these politicians sound like average people on the street.

Girls are supposed to be feminine and demure. Comedy isn't about that, so you just have to unlearn it. Certain women are so pretty, they can't go weird enough to be funny. You have to be willing to be ugly. I'm lucky my face can look so hideous.

When I was right out of college, I felt competitive with some of the guys in my class over career stuff. It's funny now to think about it - that a friend getting a job or something had anything to do with me... I think that my relationship with my wife has played a pivotal role in the chilling out of Aaron.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

Success is a funny thing. It means different things to different people. For me, I am always pleased when people connect to our brand. It means we are executing in a manner that speaks to a wide variety of businesses.

I like to have fun and be funny, but I'm much more of a thinker.

I was a hop-around. I hung out with the rockabilly crew, the guys who were trying to be rappers, the funny kids.

It's quite funny in that I once won Rear of the Year at my school! I was about 17 in the sixth form and we used to have an end of year celebration and give out different awards. I even got a little trophy!

Bigots are actually funny to me in the way that people who still wear parachute pants give me a chuckle.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

The drawings in 'Portal' were actually me scribbling that stuff... I had a funny moment when I realized that someone gotten 'The cake is a lie' tattooed on themselves. It was really interesting to see my handwriting tattooed on another human being. That... that's odd.

I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and don't care. For me, it's really about who I surround myself with, so I just try to always be with hilarious people.

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.

I do not think that obsession is funny or that not being able to stop one's intensity is funny.

It's funny when someone says to you 'you're hot' and all that, because I don't think of it in that way.

I'm screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I'm funnier than a lot of people, I think, and that's appreciated by young people.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers.

Flea markets are fun because they are the ultimate treasure hunt. Be open to the fact that you never know what you'll find. The most beautiful, quirky, funny, scary pieces may not have an intrinsic value.

When you reminisce, you don't say, 'Remember that time you got sued by so-and-so?' No, you say, 'Remember when we played here and it was unbelievable, and we went out for that incredible meal and that funny thing happened?' Those are the important moments.

It's hard to go back and be constantly funny.

Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

I don't think my judgment is that good. I don't know what is funny.

There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh.

I try to become a singer. The guitar has always been abused with distortion units and funny sorts of effects, but when you don't do that and just let the genuine sound come through, there's a whole magic there.

I never liked apples. In fact, when I was a little girl, my mom wanted to give me apples in my lunch box and I would ask for green peppers. So bizarre... It's funny - I don't have an apple a day, but I can say that I have a few a week.

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

I don't think I am particularly funny. In fact, I know I'm not.

It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.

God hadn't made me handsome, but he'd given me something, I always felt: funny bones.

What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.

I guess one that wouldn't be obvious is - well, maybe it's super obvious, I can't tell - 'I Love Lucy' is my favorite show, going back to when I was 4. I've watched every episode I don't know how many times. It was something to watch women being funny when I was young.

Funny how defined we are by how we present ourselves to the world.

Tom Hardy is such a good egg. He's a total teddy bear. He loves his dogs and his kids. He's a true artist. But he's a lovely, naughty, funny man.

My mum passing away wasn't funny, but that funeral and what I went through, the things that happened, looking back at it, there were funny moments. You have to be strong enough to look back at it, to sit and assess the situation.

After doing Johnny I wanted to just do something, I wouldn't say innocent, but to not have any care in the world. Lots of setups and horrible happenings but its funny.

Playing video games, as funny as it might sound, it's a very important part of our day. Our schedule is so hectic, chaotic, demanding that we need an outlet. We need ways to express ourselves and let our energy out.

It's funny, because I have periods where I just kind of go dark. I don't tweet, I don't talk, I don't interview, and then I have times where I do.

I have had breast implants, but it's so funny 'cause it's not a secret; I could care less.

All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

Boston is actually the capital of the world. You didn't know that? We breed smart-ass, quippy, funny people. Not that I'm one of them. I just sorta sneaked in under the radar.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

I love doing funny promos like the ones I did wrestling Rey Mysterio.

The funny thing is, all my friends are short. I wasn't aware of tall people till I got to high school. I didn't know they existed. I was sheltered.

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

Believe it or not, I make myself laugh. Sometimes when I have thoughts or say some things that are funny, it just makes me laugh, and I don't mind laughing at it before you guys do.

I came from a blue-collar family where we busted each other's chops and found the funny in tragedies.

It's funny, because what happens to me when I read a script, when something grabs hold of me, I start getting these flashes of people or places or things or images.

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

I used to stutter really badly. Everybody thinks it's funny. And it's not funny. It's not.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

If there's something funny to be said, I will say it.

Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day.

The two things in the world we all share in this world are laughter and pain. We've all got problems. The levels of those problems vary, but we've all got problems. When you can take things that are painful and make them funny, that's a gift - to you and your audience.