Top 1200 Halloween Jokes Quotes & Sayings

What we think of as Halloween is really the product of media barons, city mayors, and candy-makers. You know, before the 1920s, Halloween was really a terrible, terrible night.

The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, and the laughs that he gets between the jokes rather than on top of the jokes.

I don't do anything for Halloween. I carry Halloween inside of me.

Halloween was definitely the biggest holiday when I was a kid. We started making our Halloween costumes in August. Me and my mom. My mom was a single mom; it was just her and I.

I understand Christmas, and I understand Easter. But Halloween is one of those things where, if you don't grow with it? The French, they tried Halloween for a few years, and I think they're dropping it.

For me, Halloween is year-round. But my Halloween is the real Halloween - dealing with the real dead.

I learned all those jokes in second grade. Second grade is really where they tell you those horrific jokes, racist jokes and misogynistic jokes that you have no idea what they mean, and you just memorize them because they have a very strong effect, they make people laugh in this kind of nervous, horrible way, and it's only later that you realize that you've got a head full of crap.

Halloween means that young girls dress up in highly sexualized outfits that would never be acceptable if it weren't Halloween.

I try not to write jokes that are mean. I try my best to write jokes that are pretty universal and jokes that don't attack anyone. I know I often fall short of that and end up taking unfair swipes at people, but I try not to.

Jokes for jokes' sake are kind of meaningless to me. I understand the value of them, but it doesn't speak to me as much. You can lace your argument with jokes, but tell me why you're presenting this argument. What does it mean?

One year, I was a go-go girl for Halloween, and I got all this glitter eye shadow, my hair was poufy with braids, I was wearing all these different colors and fake eyelashes that went all the way up to my eyebrows. I totally enjoy the whole Halloween feel.

I hear from many a man around Halloween that's dressed up as Mama for Halloween. It's a great costume.

And all Halloween candy pales next to candy corn, if only because candy corn used to appear, like the Great Pumpkin, solely on Halloween.

I don't take jokes from other people. It's really not cool to steal jokes from anybody. It's not cool to steal anything from anybody. Jokes are no different.

Halloween is my husband's favorite holiday. That is his absolute favorite holiday. He loves Halloween. I'm not gonna say I don't like it, I just don't like being scared.

People would say, "Oh, you say you just do jokes." I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They saved my life when I was younger. Hopefully we're making things nicer at the end of the day for people. That's the entire goal, and that's the touchstone and the North Star for the tone.

Jokes rot. They're not like songs. I always envy singers - Sting is always going to sing 'Roxanne'. But people want to hear new jokes. I've written jokes as good as 'Roxanne', I believe. But I can't tell them again.

I have a night off on Halloween. It's Halloween for me every night. Let everybody else be Ozzy for the night. People go out dressed as me.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

I do think the story in Halloween 5 is a bit stupid, and there's a lot more blood. They're obviously going to take the Halloween series in a different direction.

Halloween. Sly does it. Tiptoe catspaws. Slide and creep. But why? What for? How? Who? When! Where did it all begin? 'You don't know, do you?' asks Carapace Clavicle Moundshroud climbing out under the pile of leaves under the Halloween Tree. 'You don't really know!'

All my life, my immediate response to emotional pain has been to make jokes. Lots of jokes.

It's Halloween! It's Halloween! The moon is full and bright And we shall see what can't be seen On any other night. Skeletons and ghosts and ghouls, Grinning goblins fighting duels Werewolves rising from their tombs, Witches on their magic brooms In masks and gown we haunt the street And knock on doors for trick or treat Tonight we are the king and queen, For oh tonight it's Halloween!

Forget Halloween - Halloween to me is like every day. It's a lifestyle.

Like at Halloween: I knew I'd arrived when I saw people dressing up on Halloween as my character.

I'm a big fan of the first one, but one of the first horror films I ever saw on my own was 'Halloween II.' That was my first real experience of Halloween as a concept because in Sweden in the Eighties, we didn't celebrate Halloween.

This is Halloween, everybody make a scene Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright It's our town, everybody scream In this town of Halloween.

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes.

I refuse to dress 'hot' for Halloween, 'cause I always have to have makeup and hair and look cute for my job. So on Halloween, I either go gory or weird or funny.

For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

I love Halloween. I mean, yes, I consider every day to be Halloween, but it's a very special day for me.

New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of the American Family Association urged his flock to hand out a Christian-based comic book instead of candy. Excuse me, Halloween isn't a time to push your beliefs. You don't see me handing out pot to kids...Okay, well not the little kids.

Halloween is all about being bold, daring, and creative! You get to be someone else for the night thanks to makeup and a costume. I pretty much do that on the daily, so I am not that big on Halloween, but I do appreciate a good costume and some incredible makeup.

I'm a taker in terms of jokes. I love to hear a good joke, but I don't retain jokes. I'm not a good teller of jokes.

Halloween might be a time that's renowned for ghosts, but we no longer experience ghosts only on Halloween. In our dating lives, we are now used to being 'ghosted' the whole year round.

I don't like the pressure to try to tell the best jokes. I'm not good at jokes.

I can't defend someone else's jokes. I can only defend my jokes, and I have to live with my own jokes.

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

If I were to remake a movie, I'd love to remake Halloween 3 Season of the Witch because even though it's a very flawed film, at its core is a brilliant idea: An evil toymaker is set to kill all the children of the world on Halloween night - and I think that's absolutely fantastic. So whoever has the rights can give me a call.

I don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I'm both. Well, I'm not black - but if I was then I could dance better.

We don't write jokes or anything, the furthest we'll go is we'll repeat certain jokes for the camera.

I'm not good with jokes, no. I don't know a joke at all. I like being told jokes, but I can't tell one myself.

I think jokes on colour or body shaming shouldn't be made. It's not funny to crack such jokes.

I came from a Halloween-friendly home. My dad, Spencer, was a U.S. Marine captain. But when it came to Halloween, my dad had a soft spot. He would take his three sons and friends on escapades on Halloween night.

The biggest surprise was a picture my mom sent me, just about the time that we were about to wrap up the book, of me as a 5-year-old dressed in my first Halloween costume that she made for me. I said, "What's this? I never saw this photo." And she said, "We made you this black-and-orange Halloween costume out of crepe paper" - we were too poor to have fabric back then - "and you wanted to go as the Queen Of Halloween." And I was like, "What?" And she said, "Yeah, the Princess Of Halloween, the Queen Of Halloween, something like that.

I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day.

I hate Halloween. I hate dressing up. I hate - I wear wigs, makeup, costumes every day. Halloween is like, my least favorite holiday.

I sort of have a dark, twisted, offbeat way of writing, which I see coming up in my kids. It's funny, on Halloween, one of my daughters said, "Halloween isn't supposed to be happy, dad, it's supposed to be dark. " No smiling pumpkins at the Sixx household!

I am absolutely okay with jokes on me now, but initially, yes, I was perturbed ki why me? I am not a personality on whom jokes are made randomly. Later, I was like, if everyone is enjoying jokes on me, even I should laugh it off instead of opposing them.

I use mother-in-law jokes, kid jokes, tax jokes - anything that works.

Halloween is tomorrow. A group of wine experts has actually come up with a list of the best wines to pair with Halloween candy. They say, "White wine goes great with Skittles, red wine goes great with Twix, and ... we're alcoholics, aren't we?

I think I have got a lot better as an interviewer. I let people talk now which is something you need to do. At the beginning I thought jokes, jokes, jokes, I am a stand up comedian but I think I have mellowed out now.

I love Halloween. It reminds me of my happy childhood days as a student at Wampus Elementary School in Armonk, N.Y., when we youngsters used to celebrate Halloween by making decorations out of construction paper and that white paste that you could eat.

Halloween has always been fascinating to me from a very young age. I think any actor would be fascinated by Halloween because it's one of the only holidays that advocates dressing up in makeup and costumes and transforming oneself.

Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the 'spirits' of things. A few years back, my wife was frustrated with the same old stupid sound effects tape we would play, which ends with the theme from 'Ghostbusters' and 'Monster Mash'. I told her that Halloween is way too cool a holiday to suffer through this every year.

Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I have a strict rule: I don't work on Halloween and I won't travel on Halloween. Not for any reason.

I am unusually Halloween-attentive, because, as it happens, I was born on Halloween, so for me it has always been an occasion of great moment.

God is always joking. Look at your own life - it is a joke! Look at other people's lives, and you will find jokes and jokes and jokes. Seriousness is illness; seriousness has nothing spiritual about it. Spirituality is laughter, spirituality is joy, spirituality is fun.

I had a moment where I was onstage once... As a comedian, you just think, 'Be funny as possible all the time - like, funny at all costs - jokes, jokes, jokes.' That's how my mentality was.

There are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change it up every show, to improvise and talk with the audience. I think when you tell jokes, if you're not careful, you can end up telling the whole list of jokes and then that's it. And that can get a little boring.