Top 1200 Halloween Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 16

People make a lot of jokes about the empty nest. Let me tell you, it is no laughing matter. It is really hard.

On the set I make jokes I can't get too involved, or it turns into sentimental soup. I try to keep it light.

Billy (Martin) was a great one for jokes. He liked to play a joke more than anyone I ever knew.

He had a Halloween party and I dressed up as The King. One of the more enjoyable nights I've had. Nobody recognized me. They recognized me, but they recognized me as Elvis. I might have to bring that back to Indianapolis.

Each week, we might write 500 jokes for 'Weekend Update,' and ultimately, we can only do about 10.

If you're a comedian, you can only really write jokes for about an hour a day, so you've got a lot of time to fill.

I don't remember that I ever really went all out to come up with a costume or a persona that could compete with everyone around me. I didn't know what to do. I found Halloween scary for just that fact - it meant that I had pressure to get up and be scary, makeup and all that. That was pretty horrifying for me.

I did my first set at a talent show, and I couldn't finish because the judges didn't like my jokes. They were 'offensive.'

Everyone was doing alternative comedy. I thought I'd distinguish myself by just telling jokes, with differing degrees of success.

The best joke-tellers are those who have the patience to wait for conversation to come around to the point where the jokes in their repertoire have application.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.

Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on.

I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that's OK, who wants to be normal anyway?

I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody assumes I went to university and studied English.

I don't think there would be many jokes, if there weren't constant frustration and fear and so forth. It's a response to bad troubles like crime.

My hair was long with a fringe, and people would make jokes, calling me Britney and Lady Gaga.

I try not to rely on pop culture references as a crutch for jokes, because then, I think, that's when the timelessness quality is lost.

I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people.

If you want to call me names, make jokes and doubt my intentions, go ahead, because the reality is I can take it.

I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.

If a comic laughs at their own jokes, I don't like it. They shouldn't find it funny; they should seriously believe in this stupid thing they're saying.

We actually talked about Adam Sandler during the creation of 'Trolls,' because he does know how to time jokes.

It is by vivacity and wit that man shines in company; but trite jokes and loud laughter reduce him to a buffoon.

When Americans, who have no idea who I am, laugh at my jokes, it's exactly the same if someone loves you even if you're not rich and famous.

I used to take someone with me for the chemotherapy so I could do jokes. You always try and find something absurd.

Given a little time for the pain to subside, dreadful experiences often can be the basis of funny jokes or stories.

When you can make others laugh with jokes that belittle no one and your words always unite, Hafiz will vote for you to be God.

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.

I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it's my way of saying what's going on in the world. How people are animals, really.

Question Time' is a nice forum for reasoned political debate. There's no point having me on there trying to crack jokes.

I don't do too many jokes about current affairs, because almost every comedian always does that.

Any time you can build jokes around a story that resonates on an emotional level, it is going to have a big impact.

The government, the state, they're just objects of jokes rather than serious consideration. I can't possibly take them seriously.

Remember how I found you there alone in your electric chair, I told you dirty jokes until you smiled.

Grace Slick was a total trip to work with. Lots of jokes and opinions. A strident individual and super talented!

If you're going to document your own journey, the jokes work better in the first person, just like the stories do.

There are passages of the Bible that are soiled forever by the touches of the hands of ministers who delight in the cheap jokes they have left behind them.

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

When I make a film, the yardstick is my mind. If I laugh at the jokes and feel sad at the serious undersides, then the subject works.

What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

I'd been writing jokes since I was 16, not very good ones though, but I was always trying to make my mates laugh.

I just don't get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That's where jokes happen.

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.

When I see people laughing at my jokes, I feel so special. It is much more important than the fame I have achieved.

I think I have got a very good sense of humour; other people don't, but I do. I also laugh at my own jokes.

The first Halloween was very well made. The second one was also well made, though I didn't like it as well as the first one. The third one had nothing to do with the series at all and perhaps shouldn't have been made at all.

All of my jokes were about not being able to meet anybody. I didn't have any insight into anything - even my own insecurities.

If I do not do sensible things about investments I shall spend my old age in a workhouse, where nobody will understand my jokes.

I actually write some pretty tough jokes. I don't want to push the "soft" angle too much.

Jokes that make me laugh out loud when I write them almost always bomb. I have no idea why.

When I first started on Twitter, a relative asked, 'Aren't you concerned with giving away your jokes?' I don't think of it that way. That's my content, and that's what I do.

I live in New Orleans part of the year, and it's a really fun eating town. I bought two homes there, one to live in and one as an investment. They love to eat, drink and dress up in costumes. There are so many reasons to dress up - Mardi Gras, Halloween, Southern Decadence.

To deliver something deadpan is very difficult; I don't think people know how hard those jokes are.

What really got my goat at MGM were comedians like The Marx Brothers who never wrote their own jokes.

I hate those movies where hundreds of people get blown up and there are jokes afterward. They poison the soul.

I learned to think about religion, race and sex through the complex and often unattractive medium of jokes.

Levity is the lubricant of a crisis. We resort to jokes, pranks and good natured kidding to relieve tension, stress and boredom.

Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master, At which the audience never fail to laugh?

When I was a kid, we got in a cipher and battled each other lyrically. We told jokes and made the hottest dance moves.