Top 1200 Halloween Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 18

I was feeling guilty in the beginning; it was frustrating to be successful when a lot of my friends weren't. Also, I was constantly being reminded of that by people in my family making jokes.

The international launch of 'Undeniable' is special because now fans all across the globe can laugh along to some of the funniest jokes in history.

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

I keep to a minimum dialect, in-jokes about football (soccer) teams and soap opera characters, so as not to lose North American readers.

You've seen 'Shrek,' right? It's a children's movie, but there are adult jokes in there if you're paying attention and you're old enough to get it. That's what we try to do with the New Day.

I have always loved really dense, complicated stories with lots of layers, tons of obscure literary references, and a plethora of inside jokes.

I'm not trying to prove anything for the right or the left. Which gives me freedom to make jokes about either side, too.

A Star Is Born' was everything. Gaga and Bradley, and having people you look up to laugh at your jokes, felt really good.

I have nothing wrong with comics and writers poking fun at the President, as long as it's funny. When it's the same retread jokes with predictable punchlines, that's when it's offensive.

Whatever I do - whether it's directing, producing - I just come at things from characters, from stories, from jokes and scene rhythms. I'll always have that at the epicenter, I think.

The unique selling price (USP) of 'Sat Shri Akaal England' is its jokes and punches that come so naturally that we didn't have to put in additional effort.

Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes.

Now I put up something, and I have to think, 'Oh, there are millions of people watching, and some of them could be affected by the jokes I make.'

It's a very appropriate show to be doing around Halloween because it's very dark and mysterious. There are some great chorus scenes and some dark stuff and funny stuff as well. It's a really perfect balanced show in many regards.

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

One of the stock Sydney jokes is of the census-taker who enquires: 'How many children have you, ma'am?' 'Two living and three in Melbourne.'

I always say, my set is like building a brick wall that all the jokes are the bricks but the improv is the mortar. You piece it all together and have a certain flow to it.

My brothers and I grew up in a time where talking, storytelling, telling jokes was sometimes all you had. It wasn't like today, with so many options and portability.

I guess I tell jokes a lot, but I'm not really that sure because sometimes they don't laugh, and they just stare at me like I said something insulting.

What incensed him the most was the blatant jokes of the ones that passed it all off as a jest, pretending to understand everything and in reality not knowing their own minds.

Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.

Humor is his defense mechanism, so that would allow me to talk about some serious subjects, but get a lot of hilarious jokes in.

Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.

I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.

I love 'Last Call.' It took me a little bit to figure out that I wasn't going to be that guy in a suit telling monologue jokes.

...just because I don't have on a silly black costume and carry a silly broom and wear a silly black hat, doesn't mean that I'm not a witch. I'm a witch all the time and not just on Halloween.

I always have humour in my action movies. I think characters that make jokes under fire are more real. It somehow helps put you in their shoes.

My best friend is disabled. There's nothing he hates more than being left out of the jokes, to be treated with kid gloves. That's the insult.

Of course, there are the old hardcore teacher types like me who sit around and tell jokes, realizing, what's the difference anyway - it's all timeless.

Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely turn their backs on their historical dishes, no matter how many jokes they might have to endure.

I remember, growing up, if something big - God forbid - happened, the first jokes you heard on the subject came out of Jersey.

I'd get home at 3:30 A.M. from the bar after my shift ended at 1. I'd write jokes, film it, and then sleep. So I did that for two years.

Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting.

Baltimore has been a punchline/punching bag for years - I've landed a few blows, to be fair - but those old jokes are out of touch.

I put out some very entertaining material on social media! Check my Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat! I got jokes for days!

I couldn't get away with Halloween pranks 'cause my parents owned the health food store. So, it was so easy to bust me. I was the only kid on the block egging houses with those big 'ole brown eggs. Like, you didn't have to be a detective to figure it out. 'Oh, I wonder who Tofuttied my mailbox. Is it the same evil genius who filled my bird bath with Rice Dream?

Some comedians make a marvellous living doing material that is completely predictable, that reminds people of things that they already know or jokes that they are already familiar with.

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

For as long as I could remember, the person in E23 pasted the same Halloween decoration, a witch with a giant wart on her crone's nose, but whenever kids rang, the tenant wouldn't answer. At first, kids figured they'd just missed the guy: bad timing. But it seemed impossible that all of us missed him every year.

In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with jokes when you're just hanging around.

I attributed their behavior to the fact that they didn't have a TV, but television didn't teach you everything. Asking for candy on Halloween was called trick-or-treating, but asking for candy on November first was called begging, and it made people uncomfortable. This was one of the things you were supposed to learn simply by being alive, and it angered me that the Tomkeys did not understand it.

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

One of the tours we had scheduled - the gaslight tour of Jack the Ripper's haunts, and on Halloween, no less, was canceled at the last minute. I recommend making sure you know the numbers of your tours and destinations so you can confirm your schedule along the way. Also, though we laugh about it now, the Eiffel Tower was on strike so we couldn't go up!

Yes, my mom does keep making references to marriage, like all mothers do, but it's only in a lighter mood... she just jokes.

I do not have a good control of running sight gags. I laugh like hell when I see them, but I don't know how to invent those jokes.

You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.

You start out wanting to change the world through language, and end up thinking it's enough to tell a few good jokes.

If money weren't cool, pseudo-socialists like Bill Maher and Chelsea Handler would tell jokes for free in soup kitchens.

We're gone for 280, almost 300 days a year. So 70 to 80 days I'm home every year. Being an artist, you just gotta be ready to miss certain things, like Halloween and all these kind of things that you used to be able to be free for. Birthdays, all this kind of stuff.

There's a million jokes about what's going on with Batman and Robin. It's a classic thing to call out the homoerotic nature of the men's adventure show.

I did know that I could do scream very well. When I was in high school, I got a very strange job one Halloween filming screams for a radio station. I would just go into a soundstage and scream and scream and scream, and everybody would put on ear plugs, so I had an inkling.

I made jokes about kissing Murphy Brown. But if that's what cost me my job, my wife will probably say, "Hey asshole, I told you so".

Almost anything makes me laugh, especially jokes at my own expense. And I will never, ever admit to being ticklish anywhere.

Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.

Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That's for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.

I think we ought to close Halloween down. Do you want your children to dress up as witches? The Druids used to dress up like this when they were doing human sacrifice... Your children are acting out Satanic rituals and participating in it, and don't even realize it.

Ceawlin is good at both business and the fun side. We laugh at the same old jokes, and the boys get funnier every day.

I think people hear the words 'transcendental meditation' and 'paganism,' and that's almost worse because it's real. Those are real things. Those are absolute energies. Satanism is like Halloween. Transcendental meditation and having a realization of how we really are - whether we want to be or not - we live in a pagan culture.

I just saw 'Tiny Furniture' and became so obsessed with it that Judd Apatow jokes that I'm the distributor of it. I was making copies and giving them out.

I like to smile a lot before going in the car. I make jokes, even on the grid, and then I can still manage to focus when it counts.