Top 1200 Halloween Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 2

Jokes are a lot about meaning. I think if we understand what jokes mean and why they work, we'd understand everything else. Genuinely I do.

Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all.

When you have a couple hundred people in one huge space, that's gonna lead to jokes and it's a breeding ground for practical jokes and teasing.

I think there are brilliant jokes to be made about abortion, and we should be able to talk about this in the way that we make jokes about death - you should be able to make jokes about everything.

My favorite time of year is October, Halloween is my favorite holiday, and I know that watching horror movies was such a special thing to me as a child and my only dream is that I get to make it feel like Halloween all year round for other kids, for other weirdos like me.

My favorite moments are the moments everyone cries over. I see people in the audience crying, and I go, 'I did that, too. I don't just do the jokes. I also do the cries.' Jokes and cries, jokes and cries. That's all I'm here for, people.

I think you make better jokes when you don't break logic for the joke, unless you make a movie just about jokes.

I decided that instead of making jokes about politics, I need to take part in it, and therefore, I can't make jokes and participate.

Evolution has programmed our brains to find two things particularly interesting, and therefore memorable: jokes and sex - and especially, it seems, jokes about sex.

I like smart jokes, I like dumb jokes, and I like dumb jokes done smartly.

Jokes about my surname aren't a big deal at all. In fact, that's what jokes are meant for - you laugh and then forget about it.

Tweeting is a great way to practice writing jokes, but there is so much more to comedy writing than just jokes. Jokes are a necessity, but you also have to learn how to write characters, to break a story, to keep coherence between episodes. I've learned more by being a TV writer than I ever could've on my own.

I think jokes are a perfectly viable form of literature. Some critics take issue with me because I make my points and discuss my ideas with jokes, rather than with oceanic tragedy.

I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who are in a situation beyond their control is not funny to them or their families.

Jokes are one of the things that bind the culture. If you can't have jokes about everybody in society and if one group is hedged off and protected then that group can never truly be integrated.

I found myself trying to appeal to the 'Half Baked' crowd and I wasn't that guy. It's like dressing up as Batman every day. It's not Halloween every day. It's fun on Halloween, but I can't dress up in that outfit every day when I'm not that anymore or never was that guy.

Life likes jokes; life is constantly making jokes, even at the most inopportune moments.

Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.

It’s just what they are — they’re jokes…most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks…I can’t determine what offends another person.

Since my act is a goofy reflection of what's going on in my life, I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject. So when I started getting laughs, I started doing more material about it. When people come to see my shows, there are a lot of stoners in the audience, but there are also a lot of people who just like me. So I try to give a healthy mix, where people aren't going "There are too many jokes about pot!" or "There's not enough jokes about pot!"

Now, I'm not onboard with the argument that jokes are destructive to humanity. There are bigger issues, and I do not necessarily subscribe to the belief that jokes perpetuate violence and racism. They lampoon those things most of the time. But I could be wrong about that. I'm not a sociologist or an expert.

Not Going Out's jokes were based on the American mentality in terms of how often the jokes appear.

I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.

A lot of it came from seeing how kids responded to the character. They would dress up and some would reenact the sketch in its entirety and it got us thinking about those Halloween specials we'd see on TV as a kid, and we just thought 'David Pumpkins' would work perfect for sort of a throwback nostalgic Halloween special.

The great thing about candy is that it can't be spoiled by the adult world. Candy is innocent. And all Halloween candy pales next to candy corn, if only because candy corn used to appear, like the Great Pumpkin, solely on Halloween.

There were two things I used to do to seduce girls: jokes and music. Since I'm not a great pianist, jokes were my thing.

I'm pretty laid-back in real life. I just love hanging with my friends and making jokes. The jokes don't stop - literally, all day.

A lot of people get into stand-up as a back door into acting or something. But I really like writing jokes and telling jokes.

I was born on Halloween night, 2:00 am on November 1st, but still Halloween night in the USA. I think it was a destiny for me to work quite a bit in the horror genre. I love the horror genre. Since I was a teenager, my friends and I used to go to a video store and rent many horror movies that we would watch over the weekend and then scare each other at school. I've been fascinated with the horror genre all my life.

Christians have created a holiday that has become a beast that cannot be fed. Christmas gets longer and longer and longer, and you don't care, do you? You just take more and more of the calendar for yourself. It's unbelievable. How long does it take you people to shop? It's beyond belief. It's insane. When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasn't poking his ass into it.

I love jokes, but God, jokes can go so wrong. I have stayed up many nights thinking, "F**k. I can't believe I made that silly little joke. That was a disaster."

I do like a well-written sketch with a bunch of jokes in it, and I like stand-up with good jokes in it it.

He wove those three threads into a talk ranging from annually spending a week at Halloween as a child collecting candy to giving candy to hundreds of children at Halloween as an adult; from childhood assistance he received from adults, particularly after his parents divorced, to saying I challenge you to be a caring adult in someone's life ... Great times call forth great leaders.

I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the curse words as kind of a crutch. So then I just started writing.

I like sort of esoteric and weird Twitter jokes. But I actually unfollow people if they make jokes about a celebrity's death within the first two minutes of that celebrity dying.

I think things evolve into jokes. I don't generally write them down as jokes. I talk them out.

I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.

We were a family that made our Halloween costumes. Or, more accurately, my mother made them. She took no suggestions or advice. Halloween costumes were her territory. She was the brain behind my brother's winning girl costume, stuffing her own bra with newspapers for him to wear under a cashmere sweater and smearing red lipstick on his lips.

The reality about shooting films is that you can shoot many jokes and decide later which one works. So it's not worth fighting about jokes.

If nothing is delightful without love and jokes, then live in love and jokes.

I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject.

The jokes I used to do on 'Sex and the City' were always comic character things, and they were rarely hard jokes. As soon as you go up in front of people, it demands laughter.

For about 30 years, Halloween was taken over by pranksters. By the '30s, pranks were causing cities millions of dollars of damage. They considered banning Halloween in many cities, but instead, parents got together and came up with party ideas for kids, and a lot of them involved dressing up and costuming.

I never used to tell jokes on stage. Now I'm cutting up jokes all night long.

The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore. they had become stories

I make comedies and I always try... I don't try but I allow to have at least 5% of the jokes or have some jokes that I know will be understood by only about 5% of the audience. It's that guy in the corner who gets it and laughs. But he has to have his jokes too. That's part of my audience. Part of my audience is the people who will only get certain things.

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.

We were a family that made our Halloween costumes. Or, more accurately, my mother made them. She took no suggestions or advice. Halloween costumes were her territory. She was the brain behind my brothers winning girl costume, stuffing her own bra with newspapers for him to wear under a cashmere sweater and smearing red lipstick on his lips.

Let's say you go to a friend's wedding, or Thanksgiving, or Halloween. It'd be great the next day to see what went on with your friends' Thanksgiving weekend, or all the costumes they wore on Halloween, and be able to look back and see what they wore the year before, and the year before that.

One of the great things about us Jews is that we tell the best jokes. Part of the reason is we tell jokes against ourselves - before anyone else gets to do it.

The great thing about writing jokes for President Obama is that he is not afraid to tell jokes that are actually funny - and not just funny for a politician.

Think your little jokes'll help you on your deathbed?" she jeered. "Jokes? No,no, these are manners," replied Dumbledore.

You have to begin to develop a repertory of jokes, multi-plane spiritual jokes, the sort of things the Zen masters tell each other when they're asleep. These are the secret teachings.

Michael made his debut in John Carpenter's 1978 horror classic, Halloween, possibly the best scare movie to come along in the last twenty-five years. With the release of the sixth (and hopefully final) movie to bear the Halloween moniker, we see how far the mighty have fallen. In the final analysis, The Curse of Michael Myers is a horrific motion picture just not in the way the film makers intended.

I don't do any jokes that old. I might have maybe one or two jokes from high school that I still do.

People are writing shorter jokes. The style I've started with was almost trying to keep jokes under 140 characters before Twitter.

A lot of entertainment, and especially in a half-hour format, can be all jokes, all the time. And some of those jokes can be really, really funny, but what I respond to, as a viewers, is identification or caring about the characters.

I do like rude jokes. They're men jokes.

I think I love jokes! The best jokes are equal to the best art, in my mind, and as rare.