Top 1200 Halloween Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 20

With the wacky jokes that we do on 'Great News,' you do overall still want to be coming from a place of truth with your character because, otherwise, it's just off the walls.

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

Define the space horizontally rather than vertically in movie widescreen, 2.35:1 just having that rectangular shape and when you think of great horror movies like Halloween and Jaws that just really exploit the space so well and I just think we would have so many more opportunities in creating suspense and shocks.

As long as I could hold a pencil, I was drawing and telling stories and making jokes. I've just been lucky that no one ever stopped me, and now I can do that for a living.

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about.

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

I never get tired of 'It Was A Good Day' references or jokes or anything like that. It's just, you know, keeping my biggest hit alive. Nothing wrong with that.

When I was in the 9th grade, on Halloween night, when you're supposed to go and out and burn your city, my mom made me go to 'Cirque du Soleil.' I was kicking and screaming. This girl came out onstage, and I was instantly mesmerized. I dropped out of school and became obsessed with her. I saw the show, like, 70 times.

You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how you?d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I don?t think she?s joking.

The best jokes resonate because they uncover ridiculousness in our daily lives, reveal the silliness - and sometimes sadness - of things we see every day.

I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.

A comedian is someone who tells the truth. Truth is the set of all jokes told by all comedians in the world.

I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out.

I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!

You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. Some of the best jokes came from people who meant it. See: Pryor, Bruce, Carlin, etc.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.

My dad always jokes that we should have a reality TV show because my friends and I pull crazy stunts, like putting Saran Wrap on the toilet.

It's way more fun to tell jokes for an hour than it is to sit in a room and bash your head against the wall trying to think of sketches.

The grass, the sound of the ball, the jokes with my teammates - that's what I will miss most. That is what fulfills you most on a daily basis.

I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.

The real problem you get with humour is that you only have so many kinds of jokes within you, and you mine that vein a lot. This isn't just common to me; it's anybody who's funny.

I love telling stories, telling jokes, making people laugh. I've got no plans to stop doing it.

People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off.

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.

I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.

I've got foundation jokes, the ones that got me where I am, so everything I do just builds on top of that.

I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone it's a joke!

I crack jokes all the time. Even when I have a fight, I will make a joke, and people will laugh.

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

I am not so secretly a comedian. I write a lot of my own material if you've seen videos I've done. I write jokes.

Never, never tell jokes about a man with easy access to weapons of mass destruction.

So many comics, skinny and fat, make fat jokes.

I have always gravitated toward levity and my parents; I'm sure they have a VHS tape of me when I'm making jokes and trying to make faces when the family was taking a picture.

With the garden I planted for the Reina Sofia, each plant related to different celebrations along the calendar - Christmas with evergreen trees, Valentine's Day with roses, Halloween with pumpkins. All these symbols are so culturally loaded, but they are organic living entities - just like the fish in the tanks. They grow on their own. The symbolic ecosystem is growing without a narrative anymore. It's a physical and mental landscape.

When I make a book, I make it for the child and not for the parent - no jokes in it for the parents!

I'm banned from Middlebrook elementary for telling dirty jokes to the janitor. The janitor! He cleans up dirt for a living.

I understand what a normal political speech is. You get up there, tell a few jokes, you have the flags behind you, and you speak for 10 or 15 minutes in broad generalities.

I think I was a behavior problem, mostly, but in a fun way. I tried to tell jokes. I was the middle kid, so I was always looking for attention and trying to be the one that equalized everything.

Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don't want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney.

All of my stuff is based on personal stories to back up my arguments. It's not a lecture, it's still comedy. I think a lot of comics forget that you can have a theme but that it shouldn't replace the jokes.

So when I open the door on Halloween, I am confronted by three or four imaginary heroes, such as G.I. Joe, Conan the Barbarian and Oliver North, who would look very terrifying except that they are three feet tall and facing in random directions. They stand there silently for several seconds before an adult voice hisses from the darkness behind them: "Say 'Trick or treat!

I do Twitter, but I'm still not great on it - I'm not good at writing short little jokes, so my Twitter's not really a jokey thing.

I adore jokes. They're a theatrical contrivance, but the irony of all fiction is that you approach reality by avoiding it a bit; you spoof it a bit.

One thing House needs Wilson for is vanity. He needs someone to laugh at his jokes.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

I'm very protective of my material. And you have to be, because it's very easy for people just to steal jokes.

I'm obsessed with reality TV anyway - I use my knowledge of that stuff to make jokes on Twitter and Facebook to get more people to sign up to be fans.

Humor [in a scene] is not jokes. It is that attitude toward being alive without which you would long ago have jumped off the 59th Street Bridge.

I was a bit of a humour black sheep. I would make these jokes full of irony and dark cynicism and that just didn't work when I was seven, people did not laugh.

If people work together, if they can keep a cooperative spirit and use their ingenuity and balance it all with good humor and good will, then there's nothing to be afraid of. That's the sappy part of it, ... On the other hand, every Halloween for many years when my kids were trick-or-treating I would put on my 'Ghostbusters' jumpsuit with a police flashlight to protect all the kids from ghosts.

My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully I'm more cerebral than a 10-year-old... but if you ask my wife, I'm not!

If you're from New Jersey, let people make all those bad jokes about our state. Don't let anyone know how great it is here. It's the best kept secret.

It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier.

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions

My job as the host of a rock awards show is not to be as divisive as possible, but certainly you want to be able to interject your jokes and how you feel about stuff.

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.

It's not that I want you to be a certain way--don't you want a boyfriend?" "Why bother with that? Let's find incubi." "Incubi?" "Demons. Plural. Like octopi. And we're much more likely to find them"--her voice dropped conspiratorially--"while swimming naked in the Atlantic a week before Halloween than practically anywhere else I can think of.

sarcasm and jokes were often the bottle in which clinical depressives sent out their most plangent screams for someone to care and help them.

I like proper jokes. I don't like people who get applause because the audience agree with them.

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.