Top 1200 Inside Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 16

People make a lot of jokes about the empty nest. Let me tell you, it is no laughing matter. It is really hard.

You know your inside, and you know the others' outside: that creates jealousy. They know your outside, and they know their inside: that creates jealousy. Nobody else knows your inside. There you know you are nothing, worthless. And the others on the outside look so smiling. Their smiles may be phony, but how can you know that they are phony? Maybe their hearts are also smiling. You know your smile is phony, because your heart is not smiling at all, it may be crying and weeping.

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

Real life is hard. I'm sorry, but shopping at Tesco is not as much fun as writing jokes for TV shows, and I struggle with it.

From the moment we are born, the world tends to have a container already built for us to fit inside: A social security number, a gender, a race, a profession or an I.Q. I ponder if we are more defined by the container we are in, rather than what we are inside. Would we recognize ourselves if we could expand beyond our bodies? Would we still be able to exist if we were authentically un-contained?

Each week, we might write 500 jokes for 'Weekend Update,' and ultimately, we can only do about 10.

The best joke-tellers are those who have the patience to wait for conversation to come around to the point where the jokes in their repertoire have application.

The thing about Donald [Trump] is the jokes write themselves. I don't even think of it to be trolling. What he says is the joke.

We actually talked about Adam Sandler during the creation of 'Trolls,' because he does know how to time jokes.

If a comic laughs at their own jokes, I don't like it. They shouldn't find it funny; they should seriously believe in this stupid thing they're saying.

When I first started on Twitter, a relative asked, 'Aren't you concerned with giving away your jokes?' I don't think of it that way. That's my content, and that's what I do.

If you're a comedian, you can only really write jokes for about an hour a day, so you've got a lot of time to fill.

When you can make others laugh with jokes that belittle no one and your words always unite, Hafiz will vote for you to be God.

As an actor, it's always fun when you're able to feel like there's freedom to explore things and try out jokes and be funny.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

Scarily, football helmets, which do a fine job of protecting against scalp laceration and skull fracture, do little to prevent concussions and may even exacerbate them, since even as the brain is rattling around inside the skull, the head is rattling around inside the helmet.

When I was a kid, we got in a cipher and battled each other lyrically. We told jokes and made the hottest dance moves.

I try not to rely on pop culture references as a crutch for jokes, because then, I think, that's when the timelessness quality is lost.

If I do not do sensible things about investments I shall spend my old age in a workhouse, where nobody will understand my jokes.

I wish I could explain it so someone could understand it. I'm afraid it's something I can't put into words. There's just this heavy, overwhelming despair - dreading everything. Dreading life. Empty inside, to the point of numbness. It's like there's something already dead inside. My whole being has been pulling back into that void for months. (81)

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

When Americans, who have no idea who I am, laugh at my jokes, it's exactly the same if someone loves you even if you're not rich and famous.

I did my first set at a talent show, and I couldn't finish because the judges didn't like my jokes. They were 'offensive.'

Billy (Martin) was a great one for jokes. He liked to play a joke more than anyone I ever knew.

I'm always playing jokes, even on the manager - some, not many. I want to try and keep my place in the squad.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

I feel a whole country growing inside me, thousands of years, millions of people, stupid, crazy, shrewd people, and all of them me. I never felt like that before, I never felt that there was anything inside me, even myself.

I don’t think I am like other people. I mean on some deep fundamental level. It’s not just being half a twin and reading a lot and seeing fairies. It’s not just being outside when they’re all inside. I used to be inside. I think there’s a way I stand aside and look backwards at things when they’re happening which isn’t normal.

I don't suppose God laughs at the people who think He doesn't exist. He's above jokes. But the devil isn't. That's one of his most endearing qualities.

I could hear rain still pouring from the gutters and a thin branch scraping against one of the windows; but the church seemed completely cut off from the restless day outside--just as I felt cut off from the church. I thought: I am a restlessness inside a stillness inside a restlessness.

The idea of a spiritual heart transplant is a vivid image to me; once you have the heart of somebody else inside you, then that heart is there. Jesus' heart is inside me, and my heart is gone. So if God were to place a stethoscope against my chest, he would hear the heart of Jesus Christ beating.

What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.

Question Time' is a nice forum for reasoned political debate. There's no point having me on there trying to crack jokes.

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman...come in the guise of a comic...to heal perception by using...'jokes'.

If you're going to document your own journey, the jokes work better in the first person, just like the stories do.

I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that's OK, who wants to be normal anyway?

I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people.

All of my jokes were about not being able to meet anybody. I didn't have any insight into anything - even my own insecurities.

If you want to call me names, make jokes and doubt my intentions, go ahead, because the reality is I can take it.

I don't think there would be many jokes, if there weren't constant frustration and fear and so forth. It's a response to bad troubles like crime.

I like grown-up comedy, where it's about character and attitude and life as opposed to obvious gross-out and jokes.

When I see people laughing at my jokes, I feel so special. It is much more important than the fame I have achieved.

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but 'American Dad' is one of my favourite shows. It gets very dark in places but the jokes are there.

Any time you can build jokes around a story that resonates on an emotional level, it is going to have a big impact.

I'd been writing jokes since I was 16, not very good ones though, but I was always trying to make my mates laugh.

Everyone was doing alternative comedy. I thought I'd distinguish myself by just telling jokes, with differing degrees of success.

I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody assumes I went to university and studied English.

Tell them about how you're never really a whole person if you remain silent, because there's always that one little piece inside you that wants to be spoken out, and if you keep ignoring it, it gets madder and madder and hotter and hotter, and if you don't speak it out one day it will just up and punch you in the mouth from the inside.

Levity is the lubricant of a crisis. We resort to jokes, pranks and good natured kidding to relieve tension, stress and boredom.

In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky evening breezes. So, too, in America.

The government, the state, they're just objects of jokes rather than serious consideration. I can't possibly take them seriously.

I know that drummers tend to be the butt of a thousand jokes, usually from the uninformed and untalented, but I always felt I had an important role.

There are passages of the Bible that are soiled forever by the touches of the hands of ministers who delight in the cheap jokes they have left behind them.

It is by vivacity and wit that man shines in company; but trite jokes and loud laughter reduce him to a buffoon.

Given a little time for the pain to subside, dreadful experiences often can be the basis of funny jokes or stories.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.

Both sexes allow men dentists inside our mouths, but, well, have you ever let a man who is a dental hygienist inside your mouth? The man must earn his way to our private places in a way not required of a woman--he must become the doctor or the dentist, or forget it.

I'm not a comedian. I don't do stand-up. I don't tell jokes. I'm a comedic actor, and approach my work that way. The comedy comes through the character.