Top 1200 Joke Quotes & Sayings - Page 18
Explore popular Joke quotes.
Last updated on December 23, 2024.
Dad liked to self-deprecatingly joke about his career, but Ernie Johnson was a pretty darn good relief pitcher.
Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?
I couldn't afford to get sick in prison. My sickle cell is no joke, so I couldn't eat poorly or not exercise. And everything in jail is designed to do the exact opposite.
There was no joke I could make that was too offensive. I can actually remember at least one time where my mother told me something that, I was like, 'whoa!'
A despot doesn't fear eloquent writers preaching freedom- he fears a drunken poet who may crack a joke that will take hold.
My reputation as a ladies' man was a joke that caused me to laugh bitterly through the ten thousand nights I spent alone.
I'm surrounded by women whose style I admire. It's natural to be inspired. I'm not a horrible copycat, or if I am, then I admit it and make a joke about it.
That whole 'Bo' Selecta!' thing was damaging. I played along with it; I said it was cool, I can take a joke, roll with it, so I went on the show. But it was killing me.
I could become like that dyslexic agnostic in the old joke - the one who lies in bed and tries to figure out if his dog exists.
Some people think a boxer is a gloomy guy with this heavy brow who always has to be serious. But why can't you laugh a bit, make a joke?
I have been invited to do something called 'Celebrity MasterChef' in England, which, of course, I can't do. It's complete nonsense. You have to be a decent cook to begin with. I'd be the joke one.
It's like a cosmic joke that people dream to perform in front of a huge crowd. But it is a welcomed challenge. I hope I always have that positive apprehension.
The mind may be reluctant to think properly when thinking is all it is supposed to do; the task can be as paralysing as having to tell a joke or mimic an accent on demand.
Actors fall into this trap if they missed being loved for who they really were and not for what they could do - sing, dance, joke about - then they take that as love.
I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.
Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.
I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature.
No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
When comedy is good, it's jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes of a joke. It's all melody to me.
My biggest superhero of writing is Jorge Luis Borges, the Argentine fabulist. He's an amazingly perceptive writer, but also willing to make a joke.
Someone at school said I dance like a spider, and I've never got beyond that. It's always been a running joke in my friendship groups.
(Finland is a famously introverted nation. Finnish joke: How can you tell if a Finn likes you? He's staring at your shoes instead of his own.)
[ The aim to be big] is not a joke about my size. It's just that I'm a dreamer, but I'm following through with it. I believe anyone can do it as long as they focus and have a game plan.
A lot of people are actually surprised when I do open up my mouth and smile a little bit, and crack a joke and drink a beer.
If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
I'm quite a reserved person, a bit shy at first when I don't know someone. I like to have a laugh and a joke; people have seen that in me.
Donald Trump has been saying that he will run for president as a Republican, which is surprising since I just assumed he was running as a joke.
If you write a novel where war is nothing but hell and no one experiences excitement or cracks a dark joke, then you're not actually admitting the full experience.
He's managed to make himself something highly unusual for a man at this stage of his career: unclassifiable. Unpredictable. Tom Jones is no joke
It's interesting to have the awkward moments play out, and the real human interactions. The more you cut that down, you lose the joke, which is that this is painful and hard.
U.S. soldiers, with whom I now have more than a passing acquaintance, joke that they track my movements in order to know where they will be deployed next.
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
The Communists have for decades loudly proclaimed their goal of destroying the bourgeois world, while the West merely smiled at what seemed to be an extravagant joke.
The girl-next-door image is a sort of joke; for years, I couldnt get any roles other than as somebody dark.
I don't think I've ever been haunted by a ghost, but I always joke with my fiance about the house we're living in right now. It seems to have something in it.
On stage you look much larger than you are. You can have subtle changes of timing; how you place a punchline in a joke or movement or emotion according to an audience.
I walk with God, and He protects me. That may very well be true. I don't mean to make that sound like a joke, in case He is in charge.
I'm a bit of a worrier, to an extreme. I'll crack a joke, then worry if I've offended someone - even when they're laughing. I have a guilt complex, always worrying.
Never make a joke or try for humor at someone else's expense. In a high-stakes environment, everyone needs to feel safe.
I typically start out almost every speech I give making some kind of joke about me being in a wheelchair.
My friends would always joke that I'm 'the grandmother' and 'the homebody' because I can't stay up past nine o'clock, but a lot of that rest is so important for me.
Like all women, I've had a pretty awful time in many ways, but it's always possible to either make a joke or find someone else.
As a kid, I drew comics. I had curly hair. I liked to joke, but I was kind of nervous about it at first until it was coaxed out of me.
I love people with strong convictions, because we are living in a very PC world. You can't crack a joke without it being in the headlines.
Taking the time to polish a pun or fine-tune a practical joke is a way of saying, 'I'm thinking about you and I want to please you.'
I remember when I was in college, I used to watch Julia Child's cooking show during dinner and joke with my roommates about becoming a TV chef.
Once you start thinking about it in a mercenary frame of mind, then you're finished. You're a joke, because there are too many mercenaries out there already.
I have a great pic of my father and Rev. Graham laughing hysterically at some joke with George Pratt Shultz looking on back in 1972 or so.
[When] you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness.
The case against Jeff Sessions was threadbare three decades ago. It's based on hearsay and innuendo and a joke he made about the Klan.
You've no idea how good an old joke sounds when you take it out again after a rest of five or six hundred years.
What I find shocking is that there's this thought process that Hillary Clinton is going to be president of the United States, and to even think of Donald Trump is a joke.
You don't see a wonderful shot in a comedy. Why? Because they don't want to distract you from what matters, which is the joke. It has to be funny, so usually all the things in the background don't matter.
It was this weird confrontation of these two delicious flavors that got me consciously or subconsciously combining Lincoln and vampires as an observational in-joke with myself.
I was contacted through MySpace to come and jam out for Michael Jackson. I thought it was a joke. I forwarded it to my manager, and it actually was legitimate, so I went the next day.
I believe reality is a marvelous joke staged for my edification and amusement and everybody is working very hard to make me happy.
My Twitter is a joke toilet, and I filter all these old, cringe-y parts of my brother and my childhood through that in an attempt to flush it down the drain forever.
I needed time to stand back and go through a lot more experience in life. Then I have something to write about, joke or to animate.
You can't wait forever for an audience to get the joke, but you should give them at least two seconds to join in before you go on to the next one.
The fact is, the Middle East has been going crazy for 50, 60, 70 years. So it's not like, 'Oh, I need an ISIS joke.'
