Top 1200 Joke Quotes & Sayings - Page 20
Explore popular Joke quotes.
Last updated on November 9, 2024.
Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.
You can't teach standup comedy. You can teach someone how to formulate a joke, but making it funny is different.
I'm not good with jokes, no. I don't know a joke at all. I like being told jokes, but I can't tell one myself.
It is much easier to write a good Times leading article than a good joke in Punch.
I don't want to ever tell a stereotype joke for the sake of it. I'm going to tell the story that I feel is true.
A lot of comics just joke around, but it's just as important to get the truth out there.
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.
Sometimes I want to joke but my English isn't perfect. Sometimes people are wondering what I'm talking about.
Instead of being a well-known painter, I became everybody's favorite dirty joke. Come to think of it, teaching masturbation skills is pretty weird.
There's a joke that, if you can ride through Texas with somebody, which is 700 miles of just straight, flat freeway riding, then you can be friends with them forever.
Ain't singing for Pepsi, ain't singing for Coke, I don't sing for nobody, makes me look like a joke.
You only get one chance at life, not two! Don't joke around with your own life.
The English had hit upon a splendid joke. They intended to catch me or to bring me down.
There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical joke.
I couldn't deliver a joke if you asked me to. It would have to be live and spontaneous. And that's what I was able to have in New York, at 9 o'clock in the morning, and people all over the country seemed to respond to it.
I always felt that I was more of an actress than a - I can't tell a joke to save my soul, but that I was a comedic actress.
We didn't choose the joke because it's filthy! We chose it because of the structure!
A poet in history is divine, but a poet in the next room is a joke.
Louis CK knows that just because a joke is using space as a resource instead of something to be crammed like a hamper, this doesn't mean a story isn't happening.
You don't have to think really hard to get the joke. I think humor in general appeals to all people.
Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I'm not going to investigate it if it doesn't effect me directly.
People in the States live for finding something they can lose their minds over. They have nothing else going on. They watch a show and there's a joke and everybody's up in arms.
You can joke about anything. It just depends on your angle and the way you go about it.
Someone has remarked that 'An ideal math talk should have one proof and one joke and they should not be the same'.
It's a very young mistake to assume that life is very serious. I get the joke now.
I write these shows one joke at a time. There's no continuity. I do try to figure an order to the stories, but there's not continuity.
I do find myself surprised by the comedy shows that seem to have the same joke week in week out.
My friends joke that I’m dead until I get onstage. I’m dead right now as you’re speaking to me.
I joke that being a university president is akin to being a pinata. But there are also notions of redemption.
It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
...My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was. I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you?
There is a joke that your hammer will always find nails to hit. I find that perfectly acceptable.
If I write a joke and it works, and it works consistently, that is gold to me.
It used to bother me when people called me a pussy. But the joke's on them - after all, you are what you eat!
There is a joke that your hammer will always find nails to hit. I find that perfectly acceptable
I learned a long time ago from when I did 'Seinfeld' never to take anything seriously, and to be part of the joke is the best way to show what a good sport I was.
I crack jokes all the time. Even when I have a fight, I will make a joke, and people will laugh.
Donald Trump is finding out what I found out: when you run for office, you are not allowed to tell a joke.
The thing that's weird is that we thought it was funny. We expected people to get the joke - that we [with Andrew Ridgeley] were two guys really making asses of ourselves.
I could never make a joke about somebody unless I could say it to their face and they'd laugh.
My family and I have a little joke that if I'm feeling particularly blue, and nobody cares about me, I should just go to the airport! That is where I am most recognized.
Animal experiments are no joke. Thank goodness scientists are finding better, more humane ways to develop treatments for cancer and other killer diseases.
'Community' is a comedy show, and one of the characters happens to be a Christian. I do think they have been very careful to make sure everyone is the butt of the joke for various reasons.
Fake buckteeth make a joke that you don't have to make any effort on, even if you're not a funny person.
When something makes no sense, sometimes you make something of it. A joke. A spiritual practice. A life.
You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline.
Guys joke with me that Milwaukee is one of the worst NBA cities, but I take pride in being from Milwaukee.
A poet in history is divine, but a poet in the next room is a joke
If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I'm not going to get mad at them, because I've put it out there that that's what I do.
A good mathematical joke is better, and better mathematics, than a dozen mediocre papers.
On stage you look much larger than you are. You can have subtle changes of timing; how you place a punch line in a joke or movement or emotion according to an audience.
English had hit upon a splendid joke. The intended to catch me or to bring me down.
Wouldn't it be a helluva joke if all this were really burnt cork and you people were being tolerant for nuthin'?
I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much
Improvisation is about finding the best joke or the silliest way to get something across. Improvising conflict is always fun because you can just go for it.
This is a youth-oriented society, and the joke is on them because youth is a disease from which we all recover.
Westminster is no joke. I took some tough classes there. It prepared me for a tough career.
Stand-up comedy is what I do, and it's so rewarding. If you write a joke and tell it to an audience of 15,000 people who laugh their heads off at it, it's the best feeling in the world.
I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much.
I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone it's a joke!
