Top 1200 Liquor Funny Quotes & Sayings - Page 2

When the liquor's out, why clink the cannikin?

Since she got a cause and stopped being funny. I think she's real funny, but lately it's all been hearts and flowers and tears and saving teenagers and creating a role model. And that ain't funny. No giggles there.

Richard Pryor introduced me to the world of the inner city, and the urban world, and did it hysterically. My favorite comedian, even though we work 180 degrees differently, but funny is funny is funny.

Should alcoholics go to liquor stores?

Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.

It's a fun job, but it's stressful because you have to be funny. You have to have punch lines and captions. Be funny now! And if you're not inspired, they don't care - be funny now! They have to fill that hole the next day.

I can't afford no liquor, all I can buy is beer and wine.

Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things are columns upon which humor is built.

Liquor is such a nice substitute for facing adult life.

If tears were liquor/ I'd have drunk myself sick.

Now I'm just like everybody else, and it's so funny, the way monogamy is funny, the way someone falling down in the street is funny. I entered a revolving door and emerged as a human being. When you think of me is my face electronically blurred?

I don't control the line of 'funny,' 'funny,' 'funny,' 'not funny.'

Before 'Sunny' came along, I would audition and do chemistry reads with very funny actors. And then they would cast someone who was beautiful and benign. I don't think that very funny men wanted to headline with very funny women. They wanted to be the funny ones, and they wanted the wife to be the wife. That was very frustrating.

There's always a source for humor [in politics]. If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny. So it sort of selects itself. It has to. And plus, often something that wouldn't be funny at the time is okay to make jokes about later.

Food, sex, and liquor create their own appetite.

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

I think all good drama is funny. All the best drama is ultimately very funny. Life is funny. You can't have any honest treatise on life without bumping into some humor.

I'd love to see the world without liquor for a week.

When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.

All those awkward moments - that's on the cast for doing such an amazing job. I think it was funny on the page, but when they did it, you definitely went, "Oh!" Watching it with a crowd that, like you said, was not expecting it to be funny, but then genuinely finding it funny, is totally a credit to their performances.

The liquor of statecraft is distilled from the mash you got.

Keeping one's guests supplied with liquor is the first law of hospitality.

The band geek has liquor?

I think I knew I was funny in Elementary School. I think most funny people realize it when they're young. It tends to come out of stress or trauma - something that makes you want to be funny.

Good liquor is not cheap. Cheap liquor is not good.

I look at the world and I find the funny in it, because there's funny in everything. No matter how ugly it may be, there's a funny way to look at it.

Beer is a wholesome liquor.....it abounds with nourishment

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

Beer ... a high and mighty liquor.

The popular girls let me hang out with them because I was funny. They told me that. 'You're not popular, but you're funny.' Now all my friends are funny.

Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.

I never know when I am being funny, and the other way too. I don't think you can think about that. I don't think you can try to be funny. Some people are just funny.

Whenever you get a bunch of guys that are funny or think they’re funny, when you first meet, there’s always a lot of bits and it’s never, ever, ever funny. So basically you have to get through the awkwardness.

I want to be funny. When I first started writing, I didn't find my stories funny, but people kept saying they were. It kind of worried me; these are some pretty disturbing and sad pieces. Why do people think they're funny?

I remember watching Gilda Radner when I was a kid and everyone thought she was so funny and no one ever said that she was a funny woman, she was just funny.

[Shaquille O'Neal ] walked in and said we were hiring him, so we said, "Yes sir!" Shaq is a genuinely funny guy. He's really funny in the movie. He's not just a stunt cast- he's a genuinely funny actor.

Liquor is one way out an’ death’s the other.

I just talk about the funny things in my life, and the idea is that my observations reflect the lives of my audience - so people are really laughing at themselves. This is the theory, anyway, and I am aware that in print, that it doesn't appear to be very funny. But it is, and I am definitely funny.

I doubt if you can have a truly wild party without liquor.

Funny is as funny does, and funny puts on a walrus mask and slowly gyrates in a mall food court. I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates.

I don't know if there is a gene for comedy, but my dad was a very funny man. He just didn't know it. He was a naturally funny character, and when my brother and I would laugh at things he said and did, he would say, 'What do you think is so funny?'

People are funny in like young adulthood, just like how people's musical tastes are cool, but it changes very rapidly. In five or ten years, I'll probably still be confident about what's funny but it probably won't be funny anymore.

Comedy is probably a lot harder for me. Maybe it's because I've been doing drama for so long or maybe it's because... you don't want to search for a laugh; you can't try to be funny, you just have to naturally be funny or be in a situation that's funny.

Thing is, I'm a funny actor, but I'm not good at being funny. I'm going to ramble for a second: I'm an actor who can make things funny in the moment, like in stakes or in circumstances or out of character.

[Simone Weil's] life is almost a perfect blend of the Comic and the Terrible, which two things may be opposite sides of the same coin. In my own experience, everything funny I have written is more terrible than it is funny, or only funny because it is terrible, or only terrible because it is funny.

A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.

I just hate the whole idea of labeling anything as a comedy. If you tell me something's funny, I'll want to rebel against it. When I go to a bookstore and see books categorized as humor, I get furious. Don't tell me that a book is funny. Let me decide if it's funny. It's the same with sitcoms. You call something a sitcom and people expect it to be funny. And that ruins everything.

When Andy Kaufman performed, he was not just trying to be funny. He was playing with the notion of what it means to try to be funny, of what it means to be an audience expecting somebody to be funny. He was doing a dance and playing a game.

There's no liquor in the land that can stop your brain from bleedin

Brad Paisley is very funny. Who else is funny? I think Reba McEntire is very funny.

This is a good place," he said. "There's a lot of liquor," I agreed.

The idea of surprise is part of what makes something funny, or what gets a reaction. At least when I'm an audience member, after you hear a joke so many times it's not as funny because it loses its surprise or its twist. So I think funny has to do with surprise.

Its liquor is like the sweetest dew from Heaven.

A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.

Definitely that was a big part of my childhood: wanting to fit. As an immigrant, you talk funny, you look funny, you smell funny. I wanted to do nothing but fit in and talk English and sit with everybody else.

I have a funny sense of humor. If I was a comedian and I was up on stage, people would think that's funny, because I'm a funny comedian. I'm an entertainer.

Something is funny, most of all, because it's true, and because the velocity of insight into this truth exceeds our normal standards. Something is funny because it's outside our accepted boundary of decorum. Something is funny because it defies our expectations. Something is funny because it offers a temporary reprieve from the hardship of seeing the world as it actually is. Something is funny because it is able to suggest gently that even the worst of our circumstances and sins is subject to eventual mercy.

My sons the same, hes terribly funny. Its a wonderful power to have. Its also fantastically disarming. Women find it unbelievably disarming. You can say the most astonishing things if youre funny. You can tell a woman that shes irresistibly attractive, but do it in such a funny way.

Liquor may have its defenders, but it has no defense.

Pouring out liquor is like burning books.