Top 1200 Liquor Funny Quotes & Sayings - Page 3

The original outline for 'Mississippi Grind' was actually an attempt to go funny. But when we showed it to people we realized that maybe it wasn't as funny to other people as it was to us - we have a pretty specific sense of what's funny - and then we thought, O.K., we need to do this more like we would actually make one of our movies.

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

Mendacity is a system that we live in. Liquor is one way out an death's the other.

I think I'm the funniest guy in a room full of unfunny people. Unfortunately, my career is increasingly leading me into rooms where everybody is funny. I'm the least funny person in a room full of funny people.

I think, as a comedian, the funniest you can be is with people you know, and [whom] you've known for years, in a pub. That's as funny as you get, and so the aim [while stand-up] is to get that funny on stage with 5,000 strangers, to get that funny in a room where people shouldn't be listening but they are.

The cup has to be left clean and empty for the divine liquor to be poured into it.

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Like, if Jerry Seinfeld wasn't funny, you'd want to punch him in the face; he'd just seem like a whiner to you. But the fact is that he's funny.

All substances the cunning chemist Time Melts down into that liquor of my life.

Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy.

And the blunts and liquor killing our lungs and liver. The asthmatic drug-addict, I function with it

'Entourage' was a show that existed around wish-fulfillment. People watched it because they wanted to believe they could go on private jets and be hanging out in Hollywood, but as a show, comedically, it was not funny. Not a funny show. It's funny, ironically, because of how terrible it is.

Some people, when desperate, retreat to pills or hard liquor. I nap.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples.

I wouldn't want them [kids] to raid my liquor cabinet and glug down my bourbon either.

What people really want is not to make something funny, but to make something amusing - which, in many ways, is the opposite of funny. To amuse someone is to eliminate discomfort and awkwardness, kind of like a massage for the brain, while to be funny is to point out awkwardness and discomfort. Everyone thinks they want funny, but they really want amusement.

I can pick a lock. How do you think I got into my parents' liquor cabinet in middle school?

Liquor is the chloroform which enables the poor man to endure the painful operation of living.

A bumper of good liquor will end a contest quicker than justice, judge, or vicar.

What marriage is to morality, a properly conducted licensed liquor traffic is to sobriety.

I think that Obama is very cool. And I think he's clever, and I think he can be witty. But I don't think he's funny in either the way that Reagan was funny - or John McCain and Dick Cheney are both funny in that ruthless, kind of mean way.

Alcohol raises the risk for cancer, and so drinking wine or hard liquor should be done in moderation, if at all.

Humor strips dominated what were called the funny papers early in the century, but by the 1920s and '30s, adventure strips had taken over. With 'Beetle Bailey,' I revived the funny part of the funny papers, and I'd be proud to be remembered for that.

I am the sworn, eternal and uncompromising enemy of the liquor traffic.

As far as my personality, my friends and family know I'm crazy! I love to have fun; I'm bubbly. People say I'm funny but I don't know that I'm funny: I don't try to be funny and tell jokes and stuff like that, but I always got something slick to say.

For some, bottles of liquor gleam like the towers of Eldorado.

When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny.

There are the class clowns that are disruptive and the kids laugh and you earn the teacher's disdain, I was the kind of class clown that also cracked the teacher up. I was funny in a way that was not dissing the teacher; I was funny just to be funny.

There are funny gay people, and there are funny Indian people, and that's why we watch TV, to laugh. It only makes sense to include all types of funny people, whether or not they're gay or straight or what have you.

George Liquor is really the richest character I have. I'm amazed there aren't 365 episodes about him on TV already.

Someone trying to be funny probably isn't as funny as someone who doesn't want to be funny but is and can't help it. Someone being serious or angry might be funny. If you get angry, the first thing I want to do is laugh because I don't know why you're getting that angry. Pathos makes me laugh, funerals make me laugh.

Liquor and love rescue the cloudy sense banish its despair give it a home.

Mendacity is a system that we live in," declares Brick. "Liquor is one way out an'death's the other.

I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.

Liquor is the kiss of the angels as well as the curse of the devil. It can conceal but also can reveal

They liked me so long as the liquor flowed at my house, but I haven't seen any of them around lately.

I've noticed, as a comedy fan, that I really like Paul Thomas Anderson or Quentin Tarantino because when they're funny, they're actually funny. It's not like when other dramatic writers have comedy, and I'm just like, 'Well, that's not funny. Why are you even trying to make a joke here?'

Mr. McCabe thinks that I am not serious but only funny, because Mr. McCabe thinks that funny is the opposite of serious. Funny is the opposite of not funny and nothing else.

I think funny is just the foundation. I don't really think, to some extent, funny is the absolute most important thing. It should also communicate some idea through the medium of cartooning. Just to be funny is... You know what, the things that you laugh hardest at aren't cartoons.

If the aunt of the vicar has never touched liquor, watch out when she finds the Champagne.

I don't drink hard liquor anymore, but I sometimes order Lagavulin just for the smell. It's so good. It's unbelievable.

Marijuana prohibition is just the stupidest law possible....Jus t legalize it and tax it like we do liquor.

A bumper of good liquor Will end a contest quicker Than justice, judge or vicar.

I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.

Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.

People who are strangers to liquor are incapable of talking about literature.

Peeta bakes. I hunt. Haymitch drinks until the liquor runs out.

... the benefit arising from moderate use of strong Liquor have been experienced in all Armies, and are not to be disputed.

I like ones that pertain to the music they make. Talking Heads does that somehow. More often than not band names are just a quirky joke that doesn't really stay funny for very long. It's like Homer Simpson's barbershop quartet, the Be Sharps. At first you're like, 'That's funny!' Then you're like, 'It's not that funny.'

I mean, what is prison, really, except a good bar without the liquor?

I prefer liquor store robbers with hungry kids to companies that locate offshore to avoid U.S. taxes.

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.

Comedy isn't really something where you get discovered. You can't network your way to being funny or talented. It's not hard to get seen if you're funny. If you're funny, talented, and work hard, you will go somewhere.

You usually can tell when a writer is going down hill by the size of his liquor bill.

Fill it up. I take as large draughts of liquor as I did of love. I hate a flincher in either.

I don't drink liquor, but I do like chocolate ice cream soda.

Employed as I had been employing it, liquor is a fixative of old patterns.

Ever since I was an itty bitty kitty, been drinking liquor out of Mama's titty.

I'm quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some people don't get me, and some people do.

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.