Top 1200 Marriage Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 16

In Hollywood, it's hard to be funny, because all the big jokes are in Washington.

All things need watching, working at, caring for, and marriage is no exception. Marriage is not something to be indifferently treated or abused, or something that simply takes care of itself. Nothing neglected will remain as it was or is, or will fail to deteriorate. All things need attention, care and concern, and esp...ecially so in this most sensitive of all relationships of life.

If marriage can be redefined so that it no longer means a man and a woman but two men or two women, why stop there? Why not allow three men or a woman and two men to constitute a marriage?

You step in with the Seth Rogens of the world, you better have some jokes.

I think it's offensive to equate evangelical Christians, Catholics, others that view marriage as between a man and a woman, as being racist. We're not racist. We love our fellow man, we think we're all equal under God's eyes, we don't believe we should change the definition of marriage simply because of opinion polls or because of a court that quite frankly isn't looking at the constitution.

Jokes aside, let us turn to serious matters.

I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one some day.

It is my experience that marriage does not make one happier. It destroys the illusion that has been the essence of one's previous existence, that there existed something like a soul-mate. The feeling of not being understood is heightened in marriage by the fact that one's entire life beforehand had the aim of finding a being who would understand one. But isn't it better to exist without such an illusion and look this great lonely truth straight in the eye?

a short cut to matrimonial unhappiness is not to have the same taste in jokes!

There is no 'magic water' that you can rub on a script to make the jokes funnier.

Melissa and I both say we don't write very good jokes.

Round-heads and Wooden-shoes are standing jokes.

Really, I'm pretty laid-back, always cracking jokes.

It's much easier to make jokes about not having kids.

I've included these little jokes and mysteries in my writing for the amusement of readers.

Happy are they, who in the matter of marriage observe three rules. The first is to marry only in the Lord, and after prayer for God’s approval and blessing. The second is not to expect too much from their partners, and to remember that marriage is, after all, the union of two sinners, and not of two angels. The third rule is to strive first and foremost for one another’s sanctification. The more holy married people are, the happier they are.

Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!

In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.

I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.

It appears that ordinary men take wives because possession is not possible without marriage, and that ordinary women accept husbands because marriage is not possible without possession

My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.

Everything is real but we write the jokes too and improvise them.

My dad often jokes that I enjoy attention. But then who doesn't.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

Everybody tells jokes, but we still need comedians.

There are just some things that I don't think jokes are good for.

My daddy. He's so funny! My whole family jokes around a lot.

A strange effect of marriage, such as the nineteenth century has made it! The boredom of married life inevitably destroys love, when love has preceded marriage. And yet, as a philosopher has observed, it speedily brings about, among people who are rich enough not to have to work, an intense boredom with all quiet forms of enjoyment. And it is only dried up hearts, among women, that it does not predispose to love.

If I were in Congress in 1996, I would have voted for the Defense of Marriage Act, which used Congress's constitutional authority to define what official state documents other states have to recognize under the Full Faith and Credit Clause, to ensure that no state would be forced to recognize a 'same sex' marriage license issued in another state.

Jokes are so personal, and they bring us together in so many ways.

Today's decision affirms what we all know to be true — the U.S. Constitution guarantees the basic civil rights of all Americans, not just some. Utah's ban on marriage equality does nothing to strengthen or protect any marriage. Instead, it singles out thousands of loving Utah families for unfair treatment simply because of who they are. Our Constitution does not allow for such blatant discrimination.

For openers, marriage is neither a matter of politics, nor is it a matter of social policy. Marriage is defined by the Lord Himself. It's the one institution that is ceremoniously performed by priesthood authority in the temple [and] transcends this world. It is of such profound importance... such a core doctrine of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, of the very purpose of the creation of this earth. One hardly can get past the first page of Genesis without seeing that very clearly.

All the traveling means I'm constantly writing and testing new jokes.

My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.

People want to see comedies where characters aren't sacrificed for the jokes.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

I really like being able to laugh at my own jokes.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

You're running to be prime minister - it's hard to be the person who makes jokes.

I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny.

When my mother died, I had to go on air that night and do jokes.

One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes.

One nice thing about making jokes is that you don't have to prove them.

I used to do much shorter jokes a lot more.

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.

He who jokes in the executioners face can be destroyed, but never defeated.

The best jokes take something awful and make it silly.

I'm not really very funny, I just keep recycling jokes.

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.

How long before married people answer the dictators thus: Regardless of law, marriage has only one definition, and any government that attempts to change it is my mortal enemy. I will act to destroy that government and bring it down, so it can be replaced with a government that will respect and support marriage, and help me raise my children in a society where they will expect to marry in their turn.

I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

I'm sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power.

I've never sat down and written jokes. I wouldn't know how to.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

I want to crack jokes about people. That is my right.

New Rule: Gay marriage won't lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn't lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the equal protection clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are "same sex" marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.

I'm really bad with jokes. I would have to say Limp Bizkit.

This president Barack Obama has done more for the LGBT community than any president in history. It's just an objective fact. And his legacy is secure in terms of the advancement of the rights of the LGBT community, from 'Don't Ask', 'Don't Tell' to his support for overturning the Defense of Marriage Act, and of course marriage equality, work on HIV and AIDS, and other things.

I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.