Top 1200 Marriage Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 17

Writing and telling jokes is my favorite thing to do, and I want to be able to do that forever.

The 19th century Mormons, including some of my ancestors, were not eager to practice plural marriage. They followed the example of Brigham Young, who expressed his profound negative feelings when he first had this principle revealed to him. The Mormons of the 19th century who practiced plural marriage, male and female, did so because they felt it was a duty put upon them by God.

I wanted to be funny. And I'm always acknowledged for my pranks and jokes nowadays.

I'm a fun person. I like cracking jokes and being completely nerdy.

The birth of a child is in many ways the end of a marriage - marriage including a child has to be reinvented, and reinvented at a time when both husband and wife are under unprecedented stress and the wife is exhausted, physically drained, and emotionally in shock. A man's conflict between wanting his child to have a mother and wanting to have the mother to himself is potentially intolerable.

I make jokes because humor is the greatest healing factor that there is.

The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech.

As a comedian, frankly, I don't care that much about bad jokes.

God plays a lot of jokes on us to get our attention.

Anything traumatic in my life I've always dealt with through jokes and comedy.

I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.

Rob and I both have a problem with taking jokes too far.

I'll crack jokes in the locker room, I don't care. I don't gotta impress nobody.

I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind.

I don't really care for, like, fat jokes about women, specifically.

The time has come in our society when I see great wisdom and purpose in a United States Constitutional amendment declaring that marriage is between a man and a woman. There is nothing in that proposed amendment that requires a criminal prosecution or that directs the attorneys general to go out and round people up, but it declares a principle and it also creates a defensive barrier against those who would alter that traditional definition of marriage.

I am happy that people are spending time on creating jokes on me.

I have shielded myself against the volley of jokes that I have been made the subject of.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

I came out of the womb singing, dancing, and telling awkward jokes.

All day my mind drifts off into fantasies and little stupid jokes.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

I'm a Macintosh nut. I got my PowerBook, so if I'm not writing jokes, I'm working on that.

I just do jokes about real situations, pure observation.

Were it not for my little jokes, I could not bear the burdens of this office.

But when I'm nervous, I deflect a lot and it's very easy to fill the space with jokes.

I nod, thinking of how difficult marriage can be, how much effort is required to sustain a feeling between two people - a feeling that you can't imagine will ever fade in the beginning when everything comes so easily. I think of how each person in a marriage owes it to the other to find individual happiness, even in a shared life. That is the only real way to grow together, instead of apart.

My background is part of my comedy. Your experiences are where the jokes come from.

If they invent a car that runs on stupid jokes, you could go far.

We call upon you to let your "happily-married" light shine. Happily marrieds are not "perfect marrieds," but they have learned some of what it takes to create happiness in marriage. We encourage you to find ways to let people know that you love being married! Let those who are not yet married know that the adventure of marriage is worth the effort - that the rewards are worth the price!

Women have always been more critical of marriage than men. The great mysterious irony of it is - at least it's the stereotype - that women want to get married and men are trying to avoid it. Marriage doesn't benefit women as much as men, and it never has. And women, once they are married, become very critical of marriages in a way that men don't.

If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father.

Adam Sandler would always be cracking jokes; he's really great.

What good is talking if neither of you are really committed? If one of you had an affair or got addicted to drugs or was abusive, simply talking about it wouldn;t take the hurt away; or fix the trust that's been lost. In the end, marriage comes down to actions. I think people talk too much about the things that bother them, instead of actually doing the little things that keep a marriage strong.

I've always wondered, what am I going to do that's important with these stupid jokes that I tell.

Make jokes. No stress. Love. Live Life. Proceed. Progress.

The way I toe the line with comedy is I run jokes past people.

I'm the youngest of four, and I'm always the clown - making the jokes, wanting attention.

Dwarves are still the butt of jokes. It's one of the last bastions of acceptable prejudice.

I may become like an Indian thatha but I won't stop making jokes.

I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.

I have a couple of jokes that are politically oriented, but it just sickens me to do them.

I actually like jokes as well as things that are sort of fun.

Fate seemed to be playing a series of extraordinarily unamusing jokes.

Beware of jokes from which we go away hollow and ashamed.

Knowing what jokes will work is second nature; you just feel it.

My act's not heavy on pop culture or stories, just lots of jokes.

I'm not even really a joke-teller. I can do ad-lib and banter, but I don't do jokes.

Jokes are generally honest. Complete solemnity is always dishonest.

Yeah, I am fun loving. I do crack jokes at times too.

The jokes about how I look have actually made me stronger.

There is not a racist bone in my dad's body. He doesn't even laugh at distasteful jokes.

I suppose it was that in courtship everything is regarded as provisional and preliminary, and the smallest sample of virtue or accomplishment is taken to guarantee delightful stores which the broad leisure of marriage will reveal. But the door-sill of marriage once crossed, expectation is concentrated on the present. Having once embarked on your marital voyage, it is impossible not to be aware that you make no way and that the sea is not within sight-that, in fact, you are exploring an enclosed basin.

I don't really care for like fat jokes about women, specifically.

Don't be getting sloppy drunk and telling them dirty jokes.

The one and only thing that every comic agrees on is that you do not steal jokes.

I never write jokes, I just try to make myself laugh.

I couldn't possibly explain why the common person would be against something like that. It's all rooted in sexual hang-ups. The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society. I don't know why anyone would want to get married heterosexually, so why they'd be against homosexual marriage is flummoxing. I only use that word when I'm talking to someone from the British press.

When somebody says that a comic steals jokes, it's the ultimate betrayal of comedy.