Top 1200 Marriage Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 20

I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.

When I write 'Beetle Bailey,' I can always do jokes about him being lazy, and everyone gets it.

She is fragile, she is soft, she is weaker, she is afraid. All around is a man-created world, and she is a stranger in it. She needs security. So when she falls in love, the first concept, the first idea, is how to be secure, safe. She would not like to make love to a man unless marriage is settled. Marriage has to be the first thing, then anything else can follow.

People appreciate it when you take some time to think about who will be listening to your jokes.

'Friends' was great fun, but I was just there so they could make some funny jokes about England.

If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty.

You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that.

I've always believed that the great strength of the Internet is that it allows us to communicate with each other, it allows debate. And I think that gay marriage is a huge step forward. But debate is throwing ideas about, and when it becomes sort of a weapon of character assassination, I think that's crazy. I think the situation in America is different from in England, where we have civil partnership, and now the vote on gay marriage has been carried, and whether it will go through Parliament I don't know.

I used to write jokes with friends. We'd pick a topic and then think out loud, brainstorm.

A friend of mine jokes that I have a painstaking royalty complex. Like maybe I was a duke in a past life.

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

Marriage isn't a contest to see who is most often right. Marriage requires being what the Japanese call 'the wise bamboo,' which means you bend so you don't break. Treat your spouse with the flexibility and respect you would give to a top client. Think how we treat clients; We smile, we are polite, we listen to their ideas. Never forget that your spouse is your most important client.

I tell jokes, and I have fun, but I tend to worry about everybody and everything throughout the entire world.

Penn & Teller stopped doing practical jokes, and the reason is we got much too good at it.

I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.

The whole experience of doing a sitcom is... Telling jokes with such precision is really exciting, but it's also terrifying.

Even if it's a white crowd, I tell my jokes for the four black people in the room, not the 100 whites.

The audience loves when the comedian talks to them. You're creating inside jokes, which creates a community.

One of the great things about kids is they haven't heard a lot of the old jokes. You can get away with the corny ones.

Husbands and wives, recognize that in marriage you have become one flesh. If you live for your private pleasure at the expense of your spouse, you are living against yourself and destroying your joy. But if you devote yourself with all your heart to the holy joy of your spouse, you will also be living for your joy and making a marriage after the image of Christ and His church.

There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.

I don't want to be with someone boring because I'm always laughing. I like to play jokes on people and be sarcastic.

One of the nice things about our marriage, at least to my way of thinking, is that my wife and I no longer have to argue every thing through. We each know what the other will say, and so the saying becomes an unnecessary formality. No doubt some marriage counselor would explain to us that our problem is a failure to communicate, but to my way of thinking we've worked long and hard to achieve this silence, Lily's and mine, so fraught with mutual understanding.

I think I am someone who is very interested in structure and different ways of delivering jokes.

I think all art - even one as lowly as making jokes about celebrities - is there to make a connection.

I know some of the best Dolly Parton jokes. I made 'em up myself.

If you look at vaudeville in theaters vamping between acts, it was always jokes written and banter in the moment.

Marriage is more permanent than love. Love may be eternal, but it is not permanent. It may continue forever and forever, but there is no inner necessity for it to continue. It is like a flower: bloomed in the morning, by the evening gone. It is not like the rock. Marriage is more permanent; you can rely on it. In old age it will be helpful.

By marrying to soon, many individuals sacrifice their chance to struggle through this purgatory of solitude and search toward a greater sense of self-confidence. They glance at the world outside the family and with hardly a second thought grasp anxiously for a partner. In marriage they seek a substitute for the security of the family of origin and an escape from aloneness. What they do not realize is that moving so quickly from one family to another, they make it easy to transfer to the new marriage all their difficult experiences in the family of origin.

My dad loves going backstage. I try not to have him give too many jokes to people.

At some point, you realize that people might be laughing at your jokes because they're afraid not to laugh.

I was a class clown. At 12, I was definitely clowning. I was making all the jokes. But I was smart, so the teachers didn't know what to do with me.

I've actually phased out the misogynistic jokes because I used to think that everyone knew that I was joking.

I don't laugh so much at jokes and premises as I do at a guy who goes onstage and starts twitching and acting funny.

Nobody had song titles that were as long as ours. A lot of it was just inside jokes.

I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.

You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.

Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them.

I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh.

It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.

Donald Trump has shown that he will essentially attack individuals, make Second Amendment jokes.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny.

It's the teenage and university crowd, so we give them lots of sex jokes and gross humour.

With comedic actors, you can write one joke or two jokes, sample dialogue, and they have the capacity to extrapolate.

Why has my motley diary no jokes? Because it is a soliloquy and every man is grave alone.

Russell Crowe likes to tell jokes, which I can't. I can't remember a joke to save my life. I don't have a brain for it.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

In a live show, the reaction to our jokes is instant. You know immediately whether the joke is working or not.

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.

I just often find myself getting shrill, angry and the jokes get more incredulous.

I am a bit of a Cheap Pete, but I do spend a fortune on books and false moustaches and practical jokes.

If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.

I have a file of four million jokes... I have them cross-indexed. Whatever subject you want, I have a joke on it.

If I were bombing with my jokes in English, I would go back to France. Maybe do that mime thing.

The most fun I ever have is sitting in with Rick writing, and we laugh at our own jokes.

Marriage is a call to die [to self]... Christian marriage vows are the inception of a lifelong practice of death, of giving over not only all you have, but all you are. Is this a grim gallows call? Not at all! It is no more grim than dying to self and following Christ. In fact, those who lovingly die for their [spouses] are those who know the most joy, have the most fulfilling marriages, and experience the most love.

Women are not children. We are not fragile little birds who can't cope with jokes, works of art, or controversial speakers.

There is laughter, shrill calls. Everyone is flirting, saying in nudges and jokes and blushing what they would do in private

All the jokes in my films, the comedy, they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.