Top 1200 Old Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 16

If you want the old me, go buy my old albums.

For as the body grows old, so the wits grow old and become blind towards all things alike.

You've got to make a conscious choice every day to shed the old - whatever "the old" means for you.

I've met fans that are 9 months old to 90 years old.

The new statement is always hated by the old, and, to those dwelling in the old, comes like an abyss of skepticism.

The thing that keeps me going is that I love what I am doing. And I stay young because I don't hang around old people, if you hang around old people you are going to become old!

Women are as old as they feel and men are old when they lose their feelings.

Harrison Ford may be getting old, but he can fight like a 28 year old man.

When I watch a comedy that's just hitting you over the head with jokes constantly, some really hit, but if they miss, you're like, 'Eh.'

I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.

Old Hollywood glamour just seems, well, old.

I like old movies, screwball comedies, vintage clothes, and basically I'm an old-fashioned gal.

A lot of the gear came out of some of the old studios here in New York City. We picked up a lot of old microphones, reverb tanks, tape machines, so yeah, we try to record the old way, which takes more time and energy, but it certainly feels better when you're getting to the end of the process of making a record.

You could waterboard me for days - for years - and I would still be cracking jokes about how bad Rachel Maddow is.

The reason most comedies don't win awards is that the filmmakers put the comedy first. This means you have to create a story around the jokes.

My old man is drunker than a barrel full of monkeys, but my old lady she don't care.

Anyone who walks out on stage, whether he's eight or 80, they'll go, 'Oh, Alesha, he'd be good for you.' I'm the butt of the single jokes.

Being nice can be funny. A lot of my jokes are like, 'Let me take a bad situation and try to put the best spin on it.'

People are attracted to entertainment, for sure, or jokes, excitement and romantically heightened stories that might be false, but are still attractive fantasies.

I've been told I'm an old soul, but I'm only 25. I have the old with the new in me, and my house reflects that.

People that call old leads, drive old cars.

As a comedian who's used to, like, punching the jokes, it's hard to teach yourself that that's not the strong choice in the sense that you have to really have to dial it back.

I like old fashioned things. We have these old wine buckets at the restaurant and none of them match.

I think the reality is that, for me, real fur is extraordinarily old fashioned. I think you look old. Even if you're 20, and you've got a real fur coat, you just look like an old, unaware, unconscious being on the planet. It's not relevant, it's not sexy, it's not fashionable, and it's not cool.

We hope to grow old and we dread old age; that is to say, we love life and we flee from death.

The way a film can change over the generations... You watch a movie when you're 20 years old, and you see the same movie when you're 35 years old or 40 years old, and something happens. The movie changes because we change as individuals.

An old-shoe lover loves loving old shoes.

I was influenced by European movies, old Fellini, old Kurosawa - any sort of foreign film.

The old, old gospel is the newest thing in the world; in its very essence it is for ever good news.

I'm not sure how anyone with a soul can make jokes about the passing of one of the most talented artists this generation will see.

To rid yourself of old patterns, focus all your energy not on struggling with the old, but on building the new.

I'm fifty-six years old - I'm as old as rock 'n roll.

When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.

It's exciting to play against old teammates, old friends.

I got old the way that women who aren't actresses grow old.

I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a funny place.

It's not the number of years that makes you old, but the idea that you are getting old.

We had every kind of audience you could name. Young, old, not-so-old, some older than old, some younger than young: they were there, they were there! There was everything.

I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a laugh. I call myself a humorist.

Sometimes snakes can’t slough. They can’t burst their old skin. Then they go sick and die inside the old skin, and nobody ever sees the new pattern. It needs a real desperate recklessness to burst your old skin at last. You simply don’t care what happens to you, if you rip yourself in two, so long as you do get out.

I had this laddish way about me, with my deep voice and telling jokes all the time; I was Burkey, the little fella in a skirt.

I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that.

Some of the best jokes are about funerals or people dying or whatever. Laughter and tears are two sides of the same coin.

Spain is so different from the United States. It seemed to have a history, and the buildings are years and years and years old. Here in the United States an old building is about 17 (years old), and over there it's from 500 B.C., it's incredible.

Everyone goes through those stretches. Everyone you talk to in this game, old coaches, old teammates, old players, whatnot, they all have those, 'Oh, I was 0-for-25, I was 0-for-30 one time.' I just try to not to get it that far, get it to that point and take it one at-bat as a time.

Mainly horror movies and exploitation movies and a lot of stuff comes from those press books from those old movies. Lines out of old movies, comic books that we collect, all the old horror comics of the 50s, probably about the only comics that we collect are obscure horror comics, the real sick ones from the 50s. Some stuff comes from there but mainly just old records, old rockabilly records and that stuff, singles mainly, 45s.

Growing old is not all sweetness and light. Old women especially are invisible.

jokes are ideally pleasurable. They are an act of assassination without a corpse, a moment of total annihilation that paradoxically makes anything possible.

I've liked being Jewish in America - there's a secular version of Jewishness there that's more about bagels and jokes than going to synagogues.

The old saw about old dogs and new tricks only applies to certain people.

Twitter taught me how to become better at writing jokes because it forces you to chip away at all the extraneous words.

Give me the end of the year an' its fun When most of the plannin' an' toilin' is done; Bring all the wanderers home to the nest, Let me sit down with the ones I love best, Hear the old voices still ringin' with song, See the old faces unblemished by wrong, See the old table with all of its chairs An' I'll put soul in my Thanksgivin' prayers.

A man's as old as he's feeling. A woman as old as she looks.

Certainly old men are old, but they keep going strong, don't they?

Comedy is so collaborative. You're going to come up with better jokes with people you like joking around with. It just makes sense.

Some possessions are like old friends, and you never want to abandon an old friend.

I have a twenty-month-old baby, a sixteen-year-old boy - same maturity level.

The funnest jokes for me to tell are the ones that are the newest. So I'm just constantly motivated to keep my eyes and ears open and have new stuff.

There's more discomfort being an old soul or a person who questions a lot of things. I'm young, but I'm old.

I feel really trapped as a comedian - someone who is supposed to be funny and light, making jokes all the time. But I'm actually in this inauthentic armor.