Top 1200 Old Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 18

I was feeling guilty in the beginning; it was frustrating to be successful when a lot of my friends weren't. Also, I was constantly being reminded of that by people in my family making jokes.

Now I put up something, and I have to think, 'Oh, there are millions of people watching, and some of them could be affected by the jokes I make.'

I was way behind in my maturity. I was a 30-year-old acting like a 23-year-old. So when I was 21, I was probably acting like a 15-year-old.

The international launch of 'Undeniable' is special because now fans all across the globe can laugh along to some of the funniest jokes in history.

Yes, my mom does keep making references to marriage, like all mothers do, but it's only in a lighter mood... she just jokes.

Getting old we can deal with. Being old is the problem

I put out some very entertaining material on social media! Check my Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat! I got jokes for days!

The old rules and the old methods of winning are gone.

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting.

A Star Is Born' was everything. Gaga and Bradley, and having people you look up to laugh at your jokes, felt really good.

When I was a kid, I loved Popeye, but the old ones, the real old ones.

If money weren't cool, pseudo-socialists like Bill Maher and Chelsea Handler would tell jokes for free in soup kitchens.

Some comedians make a marvellous living doing material that is completely predictable, that reminds people of things that they already know or jokes that they are already familiar with.

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

My brothers and I grew up in a time where talking, storytelling, telling jokes was sometimes all you had. It wasn't like today, with so many options and portability.

My best friend is disabled. There's nothing he hates more than being left out of the jokes, to be treated with kid gloves. That's the insult.

You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.

I'm a 48-year-old writer who can remember being a 10-year-old writer and who expects someday to be an 80-year-old writer. I'm also comfortably asocial -- a hermit in the middle of Los Angeles -- a pessimist if I'm not careful, a feminist, a Black, a former Baptist, an oil-and-water combination of ambition, laziness, insecurity, certainty, and drive.

There's still this idea that women are over by the time they are 40, so that they can't play the love interest opposite a 50-year-old man. George Clooney is 52, but he's always on the arm of a thirt-something actress. He gets Vera Farmiga. You don't get a 50-year-old woman on the arm of a 30-year-old guy.

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

I am an old-fashioned preacher of the old-time religion, that has warmed this cold world's heart for two thousand years.

Old man with an old phone. That's never not funny.

There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.

Old wine, and an old friend, are good provisions.

The GOP of old has grown old and moss covered.

I'm not trying to prove anything for the right or the left. Which gives me freedom to make jokes about either side, too.

I always have humour in my action movies. I think characters that make jokes under fire are more real. It somehow helps put you in their shoes.

Whatever I do - whether it's directing, producing - I just come at things from characters, from stories, from jokes and scene rhythms. I'll always have that at the epicenter, I think.

While on that old grey stone I sat Under the old wind-broken tree, I knew that One is animate, Mankind inanimate phantasy.

Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.

I have always loved really dense, complicated stories with lots of layers, tons of obscure literary references, and a plethora of inside jokes.

I keep to a minimum dialect, in-jokes about football (soccer) teams and soap opera characters, so as not to lose North American readers.

There's a million jokes about what's going on with Batman and Robin. It's a classic thing to call out the homoerotic nature of the men's adventure show.

I always say, my set is like building a brick wall that all the jokes are the bricks but the improv is the mortar. You piece it all together and have a certain flow to it.

My son now is 22 months old, he's been playing since he was 12 months old and he gets standing ovations on the drums. He's been with us since he was 10 weeks old, he's been on the drums. He's got blisters on his fingers before he can even talk.

Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.

Almost anything makes me laugh, especially jokes at my own expense. And I will never, ever admit to being ticklish anywhere.

I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.

In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with jokes when you're just hanging around.

I like to smile a lot before going in the car. I make jokes, even on the grid, and then I can still manage to focus when it counts.

The fear of old age is something that one feels when they're younger. Once you get to being old, you're already there, so you don't even think about it anymore.

What incensed him the most was the blatant jokes of the ones that passed it all off as a jest, pretending to understand everything and in reality not knowing their own minds.

Old ugly is better than old nothin'

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

When one begins to think of oneself as growing old, one is already old.

The unique selling price (USP) of 'Sat Shri Akaal England' is its jokes and punches that come so naturally that we didn't have to put in additional effort.

I remember, growing up, if something big - God forbid - happened, the first jokes you heard on the subject came out of Jersey.

Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.

I love 'Last Call.' It took me a little bit to figure out that I wasn't going to be that guy in a suit telling monologue jokes.

One of the stock Sydney jokes is of the census-taker who enquires: 'How many children have you, ma'am?' 'Two living and three in Melbourne.'

I have nothing wrong with comics and writers poking fun at the President, as long as it's funny. When it's the same retread jokes with predictable punchlines, that's when it's offensive.

You start out wanting to change the world through language, and end up thinking it's enough to tell a few good jokes.

I'd get home at 3:30 A.M. from the bar after my shift ended at 1. I'd write jokes, film it, and then sleep. So I did that for two years.

I just saw 'Tiny Furniture' and became so obsessed with it that Judd Apatow jokes that I'm the distributor of it. I was making copies and giving them out.

I may not be old but I’m too old to have this much nothing

There are old people in San Francisco because my parents still live there. The young tech bros don't see old people or children. The Mission district, where they live and work, they don't see children or old people. That statement revealed, to me, the blinders that the techies are wearing.

Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes.

I made jokes about kissing Murphy Brown. But if that's what cost me my job, my wife will probably say, "Hey asshole, I told you so".

I do not have a good control of running sight gags. I laugh like hell when I see them, but I don't know how to invent those jokes.