Top 1200 Old Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 19

On tight money: It reflects a reversion to the old idea that the tree can be fertilized at the top instead of at the bottom - the old trickle-down theory.

I love old moons. There is something humanized about them; they are dulled a little, and rich in color. One can stare all night at an old moon.

When you're on a movie and the production department says, "We need old photographs of you - your character - when you were 20-years-old." I usually tell them it's in storage or I had a fire. I go back to these old photos and there's never a good photo or they're of times that I'm so glad I'm out of. They have nothing to do with the character that you're playing, so it feels false. That's one of the hardest things for me in terms of looking back.

perhaps all this modern ferment of what's known as 'social conscience' or 'civic responsibility' isn't a result of the sense of duty, but of the old, old craving for beauty.

I've got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you're 71 years old. People just think I'm a silly old fool.

Cato requested old men not to add the disgrace of wickedness to old age, which was accompanied with many other evils.

I think there's an interesting contradiction of having a young face and an old soul. There's something funny about it, and it also allows you to reinvent being old.

I enjoy the old-fashioned idea of, like, His Girl Friday and Bringing Up Baby, those old movies.

Every sketch goes through a rewrite stage where a group of writers sits around a table and pitches more jokes and ideas for the piece.

I used to love 'Murphy Brown' as a kid. I didn't even understand half of the jokes that were going on, but I loved the character so much that they stood out.

In my beginning is my end. In succession Houses rise and fall, crumble, are extended, Are removed, destroyed, restored, or in their place Is an open field, or a factory, or a by-pass. Old stone to new building, old timber to new fires, Old fires to ashes, and ashes to the earth Which is already flesh, fur and faeces, Bone of man and beast, cornstalk and leaf.

In fact, I was too dumb to save any of the old comic books or the old artwork. I used to give them away.

Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.

I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.

I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.

You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub.

You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers!

You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.

I'm not big on fat jokes. That's a little beneath me. I'm not a huge fan of making a joke - and as I say this, I'm sure I do it - completely at someone else's expense.

Old people whimper, and cry, and belch, and make great hollow rumbling sounds at table; old people wake up in the middle of the night screaming, and find out they haven't even been asleep; and when old people are asleep, they try to wake up, and they can't... not for the longest time.

I used to be a good party boy. I'm old. I'm an old man. You pay the consequences. I'm just fine with a couple of drinks, no more than that.

Being anti-war in Hollywood was an act of bravery on the order of the keynote speaker at a PLO dinner making jokes about Ariel Sharon.

I was 28 years old playing a 16-year-old. I just kept my mouth shut. I never talked about it.

When I lie down to love, old dwarf heart shakes her head. Like an imbecile she was born old.

Vintage books, old china, antiques; maybe I love old things so much because I feel impermanent myself.

I enjoy the old-fashioned idea of, like, 'His Girl Friday' and 'Bringing Up Baby', those old movies.

Don't go to eighth grade...don't talk about something old...don't bring up old memories that have nothing to do with who we are now. THIS is all that matters! TODAY.

I'm damn near 37 years old, and I'm jumping up and down on the bed like my 10-year-old. I was a wild man

I'd like to see a return to old-school values, classic service and the old-world glamour of what dining - going out - is supposed to be.

If parents snicker at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on the poison adults still have not had the courage to snuff out.

you boys can keep your virgins give me hot old women in high heels with asses that forgot to get old.

I don't know what the big deal is about old age. Old people who shine from the inside look 10 to 20 years younger.

Years ago, I was always serious, and now I chuckle and make jokes to create a calm environment because 'WrestleMania' can be a high-pressure atmosphere.

Appreciating old wine is like making love to a very old lady. It is possible. It can even be enjoyable. But it requires a bit of imagination.

My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down - but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let's all have another round.

I guess I tell jokes a lot, but I'm not really that sure because sometimes they don't laugh, and they just stare at me like I said something insulting.

I am just pitifully nostalgic. I can't help but roll my eyes at myself frequently. I mean, I still shoot black-and-white film. And I am constantly reminiscing about the 'good old days.' I'm 28 years old. There haven't even been that many 'good old days.' But still, I love to look back.

Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely turn their backs on their historical dishes, no matter how many jokes they might have to endure.

I've just never been a person that was political or religiously savvy. Except for the fact that I was born Jewish. That gives me 10 circumcision jokes.

I was, like, this tiny little kid that was goofy and would always crack jokes or sit in the back of class and not listen to anything that the teacher was saying.

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments.

I don't feel pressure, I think there's fun to have. And I want to show that being gay and of color doesn't have to be a sob story all the time. It can actually be really jokes and empowering.

Humor is his defense mechanism, so that would allow me to talk about some serious subjects, but get a lot of hilarious jokes in.

I am getting old and the sign of old age is that I begin to philosophize and ponder over problems which should not be my concern at all.

Ours is the old, old story of every uprising race or class or order. The work of elevation must be wrought by ourselves or not at all.

There's an old Southern saying that if you're worried about your weight, clothes, or getting old, then you don't have any real problems.

What else do I have to offer? Nothing happens to me anymore. That’s the reality of getting old, and I guess that’s really the crux of the matter. I’m not ready to be old yet.

I think I have a reputation for being really serious. In interviews I use big words, but I'm just an emotional goofball. I play practical jokes all the time.

I was pretty locked up emotionally as a kid - my family situation was tumultuous. But I was extroverted. So when I was in pain, I would tell jokes instead of expressing myself.

My highest compliment is when someone comes up to me to say, "My 14-year-old daughter, or my 12-year-old son read your book and loved it." I cannot conceive of a greater compliment than that - to write something that as an adult I find satisfying, but also that manages to reach a curious 13- or 14-year-old.

I sent an ex of mine an enormous oil painting of me as a housewarming gift. It was one of the most elaborate and time-consuming practical jokes I've ever done.

I'm not particularly fond of Shoah jokes, yet there is one I cannot forget: Why was Auschwitz an optimistic place? Because all the pessimists were already in New York by then.

The Autumn is old; The sere leaves are flying; He hath gather'd up gold, And now he is dying;- Old age, begin sighing!

Sometimes I feel that old desire. Then my body tells me it is 50 years old. I take the easy way instead.

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

I try to squeeze in a workout whenever I can, even if it's doing squats with my 7-month-old in the kitchen or jumping on the trampoline with my 5-year-old.

The old cross slew men; the new cross entertains them. The old cross condemned; the new cross amuses. The old cross destroyed confidence in the flesh; the new cross encourages it.

Half of the time I don't know what they're talking about; their jokes seem to relate to a past that everyone but me has shared. I'm a foreigner in the world and I don't understand the language.

Greatness, in the last analysis, is largely bravery - courage in escaping from old ideas and old standards and respectable ways of doing things.

There have always been jokes all over our songs; I originally started writing lyrics to make my friends crack a smile, which is difficult.