Top 89 One-Liners Quotes & Sayings

Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer.

Twitter is comedy writing. It's one-liners that give way to fully fleshed-out thoughts.

I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny.

If you're playing things sincere in a really absurd, heightened situation, you'll achieve comedy as opposed to just saying funny lines and one-liners and stuff.

Endeavors that help me satisfy you, my goddess of desire, pleasure, and corny one-liners.

It looks to me as if Darwinians are like someone who, having observed that tugboats sometimes maneuver ocean liners in tight places by directing high-pressure streams of water at them, concludes that he has discovered the method by which the liners cross the Atlantic.

I've gone through several cycles. When I was little, I was the cute kid with missing teeth and funny one-liners. Then I moved on to be the young guy who wanted to be a grownup.

I don't do one-liners, because you don't learn anything about that comedian.

Evangelical agencies with ready funding may have too little depth and vision to cope with the current conflict. God's kingdom is built not on perpetual motion, one-liners, and flashbulbs but on Christ.

I like jokes and one-liners. I enjoy entertaining and making people laugh, being the funny man. But when I'm launched into unfamiliar environments I shut down, and as I relax then my character emerges.

I like lip liners over lipsticks. I have so many of them from so many different brands, so I just pick the color that works.

People that do "bits" and "jokes" or "one-liners" are going by the wayside.

People's expectations of what I'm capable of doing are very low. People have been used to hearing little one-liners and me play around.

Must the mistakes of history be endlessly repeated? Granting PNTR to China will strengthen the hand of hard-liners, by telling the regime that America will never do anything meaningful to counter its aggression.

I can't compete with the Michael Bays of the world in regard to special effects and that kind of stuff. But you can compete in the dialogue and the one liners and the original characterisations and I think that's what people are responding to.

High-concept one-liners were huge when I got my start in the film industry.

I think Twitter is kind of fun, it's not deep and it never will be, but it's a great way to communicate one-liners and to sort of see what people are laughing about. It's a terrific source of misinformation.

Donald Trump is great at the one-liners, but he's a chaos candidate and he'd be a chaos president. He would not be the commander in chief we need to keep our country safe.

I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.

Nobody expects girls to do something smart or give one liners in a film.

From the food to the Mardi Gras Indians to the brass bands and the second liners parading through the street, Jazz Fest presents New Orleans in one place.

I think the sea swallowed dozens of tea sets - tossed in abandon off liners or consigned to the tide by jilted brides. I collected a shiver of china bits, with borders of larkspur and birds or braids of daisies. No two patterns ever matched.

Donald [Trump], is great at - at the one-liners, but he's a chaos candidate.

In my view, the pro-life movement at this point should focus on seeking to reduce the number of abortions. At times it will require political education and legal fights, at times it will require education and the establishment of alternatives to abortion, such as adoption centers. Unfortunately, such measures are sometimes opposed by so-called hard-liners in the pro-life movement. These hard-liners are fools. Because they want to outlaw all abortions, they refuse to settle for stopping some abortions; the consequence is that they end up preventing no abortions.

President Reagan's one-liners were terrific.

When I was in high school I saw Steven Wright, a brilliant one-liner comedian, and I thought: 'That's what I should do; I should write one-liners.' And I did. My first album is mostly one-liners.

I can't just say the words, do a lot of one-liners. I love each person I play; I have to be that person. I have to do him true.

Cathedrals, luxury liners laden with souls, Holding to the east their hulls of stone.

One-liners that must land perfectly in just the right nanosecond can be terrifying.

Unapologetically, absent me, there is no Deadpool. Period. I am the name, the costume, the look, the origin, and the attitude. Great one-liners are the result of other writers. But there's no Deadpool at all in existence without me.

If you go on the Internet and type in 'Lee Ryan one liners,' I think I'm on par with Gandhi.

Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners.

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.

I'm slightly obsessed with drag queens and performers. Their quips and their one-liners, their style, their singing... I find it fascinating. And thoroughly entertaining. I'd love to play one.

I definitely still like writing one-liners, but I also think that I've changed a lot in that I've allowed myself freedom to grow.

I did a play called 'On Golden Pond' in a dinner theater in Maine and then went to New York for a talent competition having put together a three-man juggling routine and some one-liners and I got myself an agent from that.

For years, I've worn my dainty gold bracelets with inspirational sayings and encouraging one-liners to motivate me in my career. I liked to look down at my wrist and be reminded of my goals.

It hurts me not to be able to communicate like I used to. I used to be pretty good at coming back, you know, quick one-liners.

One of the attractions of translating 'Heroes' is that it's not the kind of play that I write. If it had been, I probably wouldn't have wanted to translate it. There are no one-liners. It's much more a truthful comedy than a play of dazzling wit.

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

I'd always been interested in maritime history, especially the great liners. I'd have done a book about the Titanic if it hadn't already been done to death by James Cameron and Celine Dion.

I have hundreds of Word documents filled with pages of one-liners. If I begin to write a story, or if one of my thoughts leads to more than a couple paragraphs of writing, I'll go into these documents and pull out lines that I think would work with it.

I did a play called 'On Golden Pond' in a dinner theater in Maine and then went to New York for a talent competition having put together a three-man juggling routine and some one-liners and I got myself an agent from that

I love eye makeup. I really like doing a cat eye, playing with liquid liners and different colors of liners, like emerald and deep blues, combining them with black.

For other comics, it's about full-spectrum dominance, being on panel shows and having one-liners and being a good chat show guest and having a good seven minutes you can do on 'Live At The Apollo.' But I really think about these subsequent finished pieces, you know? And they don't always chop up well into one-liners and routines.

I became a specialist at comedic one-liners.

My career will come full cycle one day when I play the father of a cute little kid missing teeth who spouts one-liners.

I was trying to do one-liners and it took me years to realise I just had to be myself. My fear was if I was myself and no one found it funny, I'd have nowhere left to go.

I'm the ultimate studier of comedy. I grew up in a very funny household. My dad is the king of one-liners; my brothers are great at telling stories, and my mom is funny without knowing it.

I'm not an evangelical, because that means that I exclude the Catholics and main-liners, and Orthodox.

Because of my disability I do find that people can be a bit uncomfortable around me, so I've always had one-liners and jokes in my back pocket ready in case someone felt a bit awkward.

Home Depot knows 'the more they help, the more they sell'-oh by the way, for the 'bottom liners' who disagree-it's also vice-versa.

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.

[Arnold Schwarzenegger] is funny. Some great one-liners, some great banter between him and the contestants [on "The Apprentice" ]. And he's good!

Small wastebasket liners, $1.17 ... tall wastebasket liners, $2.29 ... garbage can liners, $3.98 ... I think I just spent $7.44 buying something I'm going to throw away.

Geniuses are like ocean liners: they should never meet.

I do longer runs on things, a lot stories. I really like one-liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I've always been long-winded.

Twitter is basically just writing a bunch of one-liners - it's a short form or whatever.

I always love it whenever Rose delivers one of her witty one-liners—particularly when it’s a completely serious situation. The contrast always amuses me, but then, I’m biased.